How's Barbara Doing?

At Long Last - A New Entry!

2008-03-20T14:36:00.003-06:00

Following is today's post from Greg's blog, "Where The Fish Have No Name".
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My wife says I'm a bit TOO transparent with people... I tell too much about myself, my struggles, my faults. It's something that has developed over my years in the ministry. It just seems right to me. Well, to borrow an analogy from the life of the apostle Paul, we've had a shipwreck and need your prayers that we can shake the snake off our arm!

I love my church here in Griffith and its people so dearly. These 5 years here have been a true blessing. Sadly, due to cost of living in this area and financial devastation in the life of most of our prime givers, our church has had to face a hard reality. They will now have to go to a part-time, bi-vocational pastor. Sadly, that means we're going to have to move on. It's not what we wanted, but it's a reality I'm having to accept.

This will be like leaving family. It will be like losing an arm. This church has not just been a pastoral charge, it's been family, friend and home. They've seen us through the worst challenge of our lives - the near death and long recuperation of my wife.

So it stands that we need to find a new life. We are in desperate need of a job opportunity and have been searching diligently. I say these things in realization that if you have any suggestions or leads for me, I'd be quite grateful. I pastor in the Free Methodist Church and would want to find a ministry opportunity in doctrinally similar church. Any pastoral or associate role would be fine. I would also consider any job possibility outside of pastoral ministry if it seems God is leading us there. You can look over my blog entries to get to know me a bit better. Among the things that seem to be my strengths are: teaching, speaking, writing, group development, and visionary and creative leadership. I love photography and digital editing, songwriting, guitar-playing (even if I'm just a hack!), and have many computer skills.

I share these things with you in hopes that while I search, perhaps you've been moved to read these words and might have a lead for me. If so, please leave a comment and I will get back with you. I hold all comments for moderation, so if you want to leave an email address or phone number, or to have mine, I can withhold the information from publication here. In other words, leave what info you want, and let me know if you want me to not allow it to be listed for public reading.

I'm so grateful for the ways some of you, as strangers to me, have affirmed me and encouraged me. I received a call from a gentleman in Illinois just today who truly made my day. Sir, if you're reading this, I thank you again. You didn't know at the time, but you called just when I needed a good word.

God has blessed me in so many ways, and I look forward to the challenges ahead. Oh, and the blog shall continue. God's blessings to you all!

As We Move Forward

2007-09-24T11:03:00.000-06:00

Hello again. My contributions here have become more sparse as the days go by and as we have fewer new things to report. Sadly, I still have no news of progress on getting Barbara onto the Medicaide program. Barbara has told me that she intends to write more entries here in days to come, so you might check back for those.

In the meantime, I have began a new blog. I discovered WordPress.com and I really like it a lot more than Blogger. It's a bit more technical and not quite as user friendly as Blogger, but there are so many other things I like about it that it's worth it. If you want to check it out, it's called (get ready for this) "Where The Fish Have No Name".

Barbara still enjoys going to rehab 3 times a week, and her progress continues to be nothing short of miraculous. God has been so wonderful to us.

Pray for us right now as we are carrying a great emotional ministry-related burden that is weighing exraordinarily heavy on us right now. I don't want to go into details except to say that we are shedding a lot of tears over it.

And Now A Word From Barbara!

2007-09-13T17:59:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone! Greg has been so faithful at keeping up with the blog. I have no idea what a blog is... so I am writing this the old fashioned way and Greg will blog it. He is so wonderful. We thought it was time for me to let everyone know exactly how well I am doing. I did have therapy today and will go back tomorrow. Nothing that exciting today but when I look back at where I started, I am amazed at what God has done for me. It has been a long and difficult journey and God has shown me so much (Himself, His power and His love for me). I had so many wonderful doctors, nurses and therapists. But it was God that gave me the help when I was weak, the hope when all seemed dark and healing (both physical and spiritual).

Therapy is going well. I enjoy going and being around others. They have me standing and the goal for now is 7 minutes while doing dishes. My record is 6 minutes while holding on to the bars for dear life. I still need someone to hold on to me since I am unable to keep my balance (I tend to fall backwards). Stacey, my therapist, has me up and walking with my walker and she holds on to me. My goal is to walk 30 feet. I consistently am able to do this 3 times each day. Again, I need Stacey to keep me upright so I don't fall backwards.

My long term goal is to walk 80 feet without going over backwards. One day I actually walked 95 feet but Stacey called it a fluke and asked what I had eaten for breakfast (SUPER Sugar Crisps)!

We are still waiting for in-home services since I still require a lot of help with everyday tasks. The wound on my leg is still struggling to heal. It was cultured and found to be growing a couple of nasty bugs. I just finished the antibiotic but Greg still has to wash and dress it every day. We both would appreciate your prayers for these matters as well as the financial mess of things. It is a common thing to get calls from doctors, hospitals and nursing home telling us that Medicare or insurance is refusing to pay. Thank you all for your months of prayers. I could feel each one of them. They gave me strength and God saw me through it all. He continues to have His hand upon every aspect of this ongoing saga.

Love, Barbara

A Beautiful Day

2007-09-07T23:13:00.000-06:00

After a week where Barbara continues to make great strides in rehab, it has been quite a blessed weekend.

Jackie and Peter are here visiting for the weekend, which will include a small belated wedding celebration among the folks here at GFM. We went over to Merrillville to do a little shopping and decided to stop by the hospital where our long journey started to say hello to the wonderful nurses in the nuero-intensive care unit at Methodist. Barbara began crying as we made our way down the long hallway, and I began to feel bad about taking her there. There were 4 or 5 nurses there and they all took the time for hugs, big smiles, and a small amount of catching up. It was a weird sort of deja vu for Jackie and Peter and me as we retraced much too familiar and painful steps. It was so wonderful to see that these special ladies who invested so much care and love in us still cared and loved! We hope to stop by again during a different shift to catch some of the others.

In an eerie coincidence, the room where it all began was uninhabited, and we got to go in for a quick peek. Barbara's memories of this part of her experience are very, very foggy. Think about how weird your dreamlife can be at times, and I suppose that might compare to what the experiences was like for her. Not that it was a dream by any stretch of the imaginootion. Rather, her memories are disjointed and bizarre at times. We're all thankful that she can't remember the horrors that her body went though. Barbara does hate that she lost a chunk of her life and missed so many important dates (thanksgiving, Christmas, anniversary, etc.).

I wish that we were rich in this one instance so that I could shower gifts upon the beautiful women who took care of us (they were important to me as well). I hope that our love and prayers will bless them and their families just as they blessed us. We simply don't give enough credit to the women (and men) who do the job of nursing. And this particular group of ladies raise a high standard for the rest.

Barbara continues to walk more and more at therapy. I'm so proud of her progress. This weekend she has been as giddy as a school girl to have our little girl and her, uh, not so little husband with us. We love them both and it's always so nice to have them here.

More updates will follow... I'm still here... and we still need your prayers. We're still wading through the muck and mess of Medicaid and we're blessed to have a man as wonderful as Curt Binnion helping us deal with insurance issues far too complicated for my mind's comprehension. Our live as been a series of blessings dotted with a few fleas of junk. Thanks to the blessings of your prayers and so many people, we're able to swat the fleas away and give God the glory He deserves. Even if you are not a follower of Christ, when you do good work, when you reach out a hand to help someone heal, you are doing the work of Christ.

Slow Road to Recovery

2007-08-21T20:48:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's been as long as it has since I last posted. I can't say that there's a tremendous amount of stuff to report. Barbara is doing well at rehab, although progress is predictably slow. She is back to walking again with minimal assistance and a walker. Our biggest struggle right now is getting this Medicaid Waiver stuff taken care of. It's amazing how many people who handle these issues know so little about these issues. We seem to know more about the waiver than 99% of the 99,000 people we've talked to trying to get things started. I've said it before and I'll say it again, anyone who thinks national healthcare is a good idea should spend a day working with government "insurance" programs already in place. This is a great country, but we can thoroughly bungle any good thing we try to do!

Keep us in prayer that the waiver issue will be solved so that I can finally get some help here! I feel over my head most of the time. Nevertheless, God is blessing us in many ways. It's so wonderful having Barbara here and I thank God for that every day.

Just to get you fully up to speed, though, Barbara still does not walk on her own, but is working on it in rehab. She also requires my help doing many things most of us take for granted. She is upbeat about her progress and quite tired from all the exercises she does.

Thanks for your ongoing prayers for our financial situation. I still have no idea how this will all turn out, but again, God has helped us this far and I have no reason to think He'll back off now!

First Day of School

2007-08-08T10:17:00.000-06:00

Well, at least it seems like the first day of school for Barbara. That was our joke as we got her ready to go to her first day of rehab this morning. She now has had the blessing of getting to ride in a van IN her wheelchair. There was a bit of trepidation on her behalf, but I'm praying all will go well.

She will be going to outpatient rehab 3 times a week for about 6 and a half weeks. A driver will pick her up and bring her back each of those days, for the afternoon. It felt like she was going to school because I had to pack her a lunch (she actually leaves late morning), and she had to pack a few things to keep her occupied during the downtime. So, it felt like she was preparing to set off for her first day in kindergarten.

Please pray that this will be an extremely successful time of rehab, and that Barbara will soon be able to walk again... on her own.

One other prayer request I'll pass along. Barbara's dad is not doing well health-wise, and she's very upset about it. He needs to know Christ as his savior as well, and I think that's a big part of Barbara's concern. He was able to come up with Barb's mom, his sister, and a cousin yesterday for a visit. I've included a few pictures of that. Please help us pray for Barb's dad... for both his physical and spiritual health.

Aug. 6

2007-08-06T14:15:00.001-06:00

Don't know why it has been so hard to keep up with this blog these days. I suspect it has something to do with the wild unfettered clutter of business my life has become. Nevertheless, I am daily mindful of just how wonderfully blessed I am, and how fortunate I am to have my precious angel home with me for a while longer. Hopefully for many whiles longer. Which incites me to point out that it is incredible what such a horrible drama as we've lived can do for a relationship. And I am speaking of positive things here.

Our week spent at camp was just wonderful, and went far better than either one of us could have imagined. After the wedding, we had made camp a secondary goal. At the time, we only had reason to believe that might entail a visit of a day or two. It was so wonderful being their for the week. It was equally wonderful to spend time with my dad and my sister and her family. Barbara loves going to camp about as much as I do, which is a really great thing.

This past week we had my sister's 8-year old middle daughter with us. She had been wanting to spend a week doing crafts with Aunt Barbara. Then, my sister and her family joined us for church here at GFM on Sunday, and spent a good portion of the day here.

Good news came this morning... it seems that we are now on track to get Barbara started on out-patient rehab this Wednesday! Wonderful news. They will pick her up and bring her home as well, which is a big relief for me.

We're also relieved that a member of our church will be coming to look at our dead dryer to see if it is fixable. It's a pain to do laundry and have to dry it at a laundromat, hence laundry isn't getting done like it should!

Keep us in prayer that the rehab will work out well and that Medicaid will come through. Pray for me for strength and stamina to do all the jobs that I have to do. I am so pleased to have Barbara here, but it is quite a job as well.

July 29 - Back From Beyond

2007-07-29T20:01:00.000-06:00

This will probably be brief - we're all exhausted this evening - but I wanted to pop a quick post on here to update you. Barbara and I have been in Clay City (IN) this past week for our church conference's family camp. I've gone every year of my life, and since we've been married, Barbara has grown to love going there as well. We had a wonderful time. It was so good to see our many friends. And I could tell it was really good for them to see Barbara. Most, if not everyone, had no idea she would be there. Thanks to a last minute blessing, it worked out for us to go. God blessed us with one of His earthly assistants who gave us a great queen size bed that is perfect for Barbara's needs. I will try to give more details in the days ahead, but for now, I will leave you with a few pictures from the week. For now, I'll just say that Barbara did VERY well despite the fact that we've both come home with colds! This trip to camp was a second goal that we set after Jackie's wedding, so it was a real answer to prayer to be able to go. Here are the pics...

With our nieces... the one on the right is spending the week after camp here with us doing "crafts" with Aunt Barbara!

Barbara with friends from our pastorate at Birds, IL... The Armstrongs and McCulloughs.

Sharing a big hug with Flossie Constable.

July 19

2007-07-19T22:13:00.000-06:00

First let me say I would buy a Lexus. If I had the money to do so, I would buy a Lexus. Oh sure, there would be nay-sayers o'plenty that would say anything from, "Ooooo, look at Mr. Bigshot moneybags" to "Shouldn't you have given the money to the poor?" But I would negate those nattering nabobs of negativism. Here's how I sees it; shouldn't we spend our money on good quality products that will perform well longer and, when all is added/subtracted/divided and configulated, my guess is that I would spend the same money on the Lexus as I would have maintaining and buying the more affordable but less rock-solid cars. BMWs have more problems than you'd realize, Cadillacs actually have more maintenance issues than most cars, and Jaguars are poorly made cars with a high prestige label. Consumer Reports and my own prejudices aside, there is an end run point to be made here. We Christ-followers can at times be guilty of poor stewardship of our money under the guise of saving a buck or two. The old adage, "You get what you pay for," is more reliable than not. So we eschew Charmin for Angel Soft in our quest to save a dime all the while likely spending more. Should churches be built with the best materials they can afford? Certainly. That is not poor stewardship, it is wise use of money. We too often are guilty of being gullible when we should instead be a bit more world-wise. That's not the same as being worldly. I say all this from the vantage point of now having more debt than income (!!), but still wise to the fact that I haven't always given Christ my best. Having Barbara back in my life reminds me to be a better man, a better husband than before. Life only affords us so many minutes, and I want to give her a Lexus husband rather than anything lesser. And I want to be a Lexus follower of Christ rather than one that will break down before the race is done. We used to sing a hymn called, "Give of Your Best to the Master." Too bad we forgot to do that.

OK, if you made it this far, it's now time for a quick update on Barbara (the actual reason why you're visiting here today). Things have gone well for us, but we still recognize there's a steep learning curve on the road to living more efficiently with our present reality. I have managed to strain several muscles while moving Barbara, and am in the process of trying to remedy that.

Perhaps the biggest news of the day is that Barbara got her tummy tube removed today. Due to the fact that she had a more secure tube that was placed for longevity, she had to go in for an out-patient procedure. It took much longer than we'd anticipated due to the trouble they had finding a vein for an IV (6 sticks, thank-you). With the doctor's permission, they left the IV in so that she can more easily be given the calcium infusion she will receive tomorrow (also an out-patient procedure).

The Lord has answered many prayers, and has been so good to us. We continue to rejoice in the fact that there are always many more blessings than hurts.

Please pray that Barbara will heal quickly now that her final remnant from scarier days has been removed,

Pray that Medicare issues will be resolved soon,

Pray that she will continue to heal and continue to progress,

And say a little prayer for my physical and emotional well being too whilst you're at it!

We had a wonderful time at Jackie and Peter's post-wedding family/friends shower in Columbus last Saturday. Thanks for all your prayers and kind words.

July 11 - Elvis Has Left The Building

2007-07-11T14:49:00.000-06:00

Not many words, just some pictures of Barbara leaving Miller's Merry Manor in Hobart to live at home for the first time in 8 months.

Last moments in her room, talking to her mom... "I'm leaving!"

Lisa is one of her great nurses; we credit dilegence and passion with saving Barbara's life one final time when she was in danger of dying from malnutrition.

With unit manager nurse Tonja

One of many very very special aides, Christina (Barbara kept her night shifts interesting!)

One of her therapists, Al, hugging her goodbye.

Another wonderful aide, Bianca.

Leaving Miller's.

Thanks to Gail and Donna from GFM, Barbara had a wonderful welcome home greeting.

The story continues. I will continue to post. Thanks for your prayers!

July 9 - two for the price of one...

2007-07-09T15:42:00.000-06:00

A quick update... just found out that Barbara will be coming home on Wednesday, not Tuesday. However, I will bring her home for the day.

July 9 - Rounding third and heading home

2007-07-09T08:49:00.000-06:00

The bulk of our emotions these days is over Barbara's homecoming tomorrow. Though she's been home on several occasions now (she spent both Saturday and Sunday here), tomorrow will signify the cutting of the cord with the nursing facility that has been her home away from home for several months. She will be just a few days short of having spent 8 months in various hospitals and care facilities. Barbara has always been very emotional, but she's been especially so of late as we've considered how far we've come. This next step will not be easy. Neither of us are jaded as to what this will mean. I realize I'm not fully prepared to be her full time nurse! However, God has been faithful to bless us and care for us in every step of this journey, and we have no reason to believe that will change now. In fact, Barbara just recently told me how emotional she got when we sang "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" on her first Sunday back at church over a month ago. While we certainly have had to deal with many ugly things, there has always been more blessings than anything else.

This past week Barbara has been assisted in walking across the therapy room at Miller's. They are halting steps, but progressive nonetheless. Her nurses and aids are continually amazed at how far she has come since entering Miller's. We both agree that the selection of Miller's Merry Manor in Hobart was exactly the right choice. Her nurses have been outstanding for the most part, as have her aides. In fact, I've come to realize that the aides are the backbone of the facility. They have been such wonderful caregivers, and I can plainly see that they truly care about Barbara. I'm especially thankful for Lisa, one of Barbara's nurses, who I think was a part of saving Barbara's life once again. She was diligent about getting the care needed to solve the fact that Barbara wasn't eating at all. Thanks to her compassionate care, Barbara got the attention that she needed at a point where doctors said she was once again in a dire situation. I wish I could start naming all the significant names and tell what they've done but time and space would now allow it.

So how can you pray for us as I bring Barbara home tomorrow?

Pray that she will continue to progress and not have any setbacks,

That she will walk better everyday,

That the daytime rehab program will work out,

That Medicaid will come through,

That I will have both the physical and emotional strength for the challenges ahead,

That help will be available when needed,

That finances will work out,

And that Barbara will be able to live a joyous, full life.

We plan to go to Columbus this Saturday for Jackie's family/local church shower to be held there (it was too difficult to get in all these showers before the wedding). Pray that will go well. Also, we still have it as a goal to go to family camp together (our Wabash Conference Free Methodist friends will know what that is all about). We still need a decent queen size or even one twin size mattress for the cabin to make it more comfortable for her. Pray that will work out for us.

Wow, that's a lot of prayer requests! Thanks so much for all your kinds responses to this blog. I plan to keep it up for a while longer.

In order to help pay our overwhelming hospital bills, I am beginning a small photography/digital media business. If you know of someone in my area that is getting married, or that would like photographic services for a special occasion, please have them give me a call. I will have a website up soon to advertise my services.

I'm including a picture that, while not a photographic art piece by any stretch, will give you a glimpse at Barbara returning to semi-normalcy. This was taken at a church cook-out this past Sunday.

July 3

2007-07-03T08:32:00.000-06:00

With all I've had to report, it's a shame I haven't written more in this past week. Nevertheless, here I art.

My last report to you was that Barbara had taken 3 steps. As of this writing, she most recently took 14 steps! This spanned the distance of the parallel bars on which they teach people to walk again. This little walk was broken into 2 segments, but it's still an amazing thing! She still requires a little extra support from the therapist, and she stays bent over while walking. I didn't want to give you the impression that she just popped up and mosied on over to the end of the walk area. Learning to walk again will be a painful, tedious process. However, I'll have you all note that this is yet another answer to prayer. There were many who thought she'd never walk again.

Barbara will be coming home to stay a week from today (Tuesday the 10th). This presents a lot of questions. We are trying to get her accepted onto a daytime rehab program that will come and pick her up, take her to rehab, and bring her home. This would be a WONDERFUL thing. Please join us in praying that this will come to fruition. Also, please pray diligently with us that her Medicaid waiver will come through in time.

I'm not blind to the many challenges awaiting us, but I'm also certain that life will be better in that I won't have to travel back and forth to be with her, and I won't have to set up office in her little room and try to work there anymore.

She has continued to come home on Sundays to attend church. She will also be coming home with me tomorrow for the 4th of July. No big plans; I suppose we'll grill some burgers or something. Whatever we do, it will be much better than nursing home food (I hope).

I have been wondering how long I should continue this blog. I guess you could help me with that. If you're on the mailing list, and wish to no longer receive this mailing, just let me know. I realize my postings have been fewer these days, but I may go ahead and post for a while just to update you on her ongoing progress and keep you posted as to prayer requests. We are not out of the woods yet, but there are fewer trees between us and where we want to be.

June 25 - Step Three

2007-06-25T10:07:00.000-06:00

These have been days rich with blessings and fragrant with joy. I find myself understanding less and less how people can only focus on the negative stuff and overlook the wonders of God all around. Certainly that's easy to say when things seem to be going well, but I assure you there are still plenty of frustrations daunting me. But as I hear of people being upset because of something someone said, or as I hear of people who stay away from God because of disagreements with other people, I find myself being far less compassionate towards them than perhaps I ought to be. But I wonder how angry Jesus would be. After all, he kicked some serious bottom side when clearing the temple. And he certainly had little more to say after the rich young dude walked away. We are so wealthy when it comes to resources and people and support and possibilities that it seems almost blasphemous that we could let individual scuffles get in our way on the course of our journey. If I'm reaching anyone out there who has let in-house anxieties fester in the place where you worship, I would admonish you to wake up. These are not the days for breaking ranks. These are the days when God's people must be strong and return to His heart. Take it from me, one who has learned these things the hard way, life is far too precious to focus only on the bitter, and not taste the far more abundant sweet. Turn your eyes upon Jesus and you will see more wonder than you ever imagined. If you think your eyes on on Him, yet you are being dominated by the negative stuff, you're kidding yourself and you're in true danger.

I had no intention of preaching a sermon today, but this all just flowed out of my heart like honey from the comb. Let me now tell you the good news of the day. I spoke with Barbara just moments ago and she happily informed me that she took THREE STEPS today! Wow! Do 3 steps seem like little to you? They don't seem that way from whence we came. This is yet another example of learning to see the wonderful blessings of God. Perhaps you know that there have been some very good and wonderful health care people along that way that were skeptical that Barbara would ever walk again. My daily prayer, through all of these days, is that this would be the week that Barbara walks again.

We have had some of the most wonderful days together recently. I took Barbara to church Sunday, we ate at our favorite Mexican restaurant, and then spent a beautiful and relaxing day together at home. She has been able to be in the lower "family room/bedroom" area where we have lived most of our lives on these past 2 visits. Max was overjoyed at having her back in her "natural environs" as I suspect he thinks.

Our home assessment last week proved to be better than we thought. We have determined that we can make minimal improvements and make life reasonably tolerable for Barbara at home. There will still need to be work done on the bathroom, but not to the degree we initially expected. We have started down the path of making these improvements, but this will likely be a project that takes a bit of time. Most of what we will do involves widening the door, moving a light switch, adding grab-bars, putting in a new, lower reaching mirror, replace the sink, redo the flooring, replace shower plumbing, and remove shower door to replace with a curtain. There are also other improvements we'll endeavor to make around the house as funds become available. Mostly, though, we will make certain that all improvements will truly be useful to any future pastors inhabiting this parsonage.

Please continue to join us in praying that Barbara will walk this week,

That she will be more able to do things for herself that she wants and needs,

And that my back will hold out!

We love all of you and pray for you as well.

June 18 - The End Is Near

2007-06-18T14:30:00.000-06:00

Once again I find myself feeling all apologetic-y over the long dry spell with no blog entries. I am quite certain, though, that your life went on anyway.

As Barbara continues to make slow progress every week, we near another milestone. The end has almost come for the days in the nursing home that Medidontcare allows. She will for sure and certain be returning home to stay on July 10. The future is still a dark glass, though. The wheels grind slowly for Medicaid approval, and we're not all that certain that Barbara's case manager is moving things along at anything more than the pace of a, well, uh, I guess the slow pace of your standard government employee. If you are a government employee, I am quite certain the preceding statement does not apply to you, though.

Last week was the Wabash Annual Conference meeting for Free Methodist Churches in my region. I am happy to report that Barbara and I have been reassigned to GFM for the 5th year. It was so good to feel the overwhelming prayer support of my friends and family in God... even those who barely know us have been lifting us up. There were a couple of occasions when I found myself in tears as I sensed the reality of these prayers descending like a spiritual hurricane. Another wonderful truth solidified itself in my mind at this time. It pertains to the fact that so many of you have asked what you could do for us, and I've told you to pray. Commonly, the response back is that you want to do more than just pray. It occurs to me the way we undervalue prayer! Prayer is the BIGGEST thing you can do for anyone. Prayer supersedes a million dollar check, and new Extreme Makeover home, a new car with a lifetime free gas card, or any other great item that you couldn't give anyway. If you want to give someone the greatest gift of all, don't just say you'll pray, but do so! There's one other fact that attaches itself to this. I am trying to quit asking people how they're doing, or how a loved one who has been facing difficult times is doing. While the outpouring of love in this way is certainly appreciated, it gets quite tiring after a while to respond to these questions ad nauseum. Don't be offended if you yourself have asked this question - that is quite OK with me - its just that for me, I see the need to find a new way of touching the life of someone who is hurting. I'll get back to you on this one when the revelation becomes clearer.

Well, back to the reason why you tune in to this blog. I am gloriously happy to report that Barbara has taken her first step!!!!! She underplays it, saying it was just a small little movement, but I see it as a significant step (one small step for Barbara, one giant step for... oh, never mind). Also, she has been able to stay standing without anyone supporting her. I must also add that as she grows stronger, she is becoming increasingly easier for me to transfer. She's also becoming more and more capable at adjusting herself once in our vehicle.

Among the many things she has been able to do of late, she has now attended church with me each Sunday since the wedding, we've eaten out together on several occasions, she joined me in attending a funeral showing, and I even took her to Michael's craft store last week. She was elated, and said she could spend all day there. In that we've had to postpone the home assessment twice now, tomorrow is the day we anticipate this happening. I will bring her home for the day, and a couple of therapists will visit to assess our home situation.

I have much home cleaning to accomplish since I'm staying home, so I will wrap this up. Please continue to pray that this will be the week that Barbara walks, and that she will be able to master many self-care procedures in the weeks before returning home.

June 4 - Finally, After 7 Months...

2007-06-04T10:59:00.000-06:00

Sunday was simply a wonderful day. I was able to take Barbara to church at GFM for the firs time in over 7 months! It was a VERY emotional moment as I wheeled her into the sanctuary for the first time in a long time. Then, as people began filtering in, you would have though a celebrity was present. We followed that with a meal at our favorite Mexican restaurant. After a full day, I took Barbara back to Millers and we were both completely exhausted. But what an outstanding day it was. Our plan is, as long as she feels up to it, I will pick her up for church every Sunday.

You will notice that I'm including a few more shots from the wedding. I hope you enjoy them. The lady with Barbara in the first picture is Peter's mom, Jeannie. I thought this was an excellent picture, especially of Barbara's winning smile. Jeannie and her husband Terry have become such good distant friends in the short time we've communicated with them. Barbara and I look forward to getting to know them better in the future, despite the distance of states between us.

Barbara will be visiting home again on Tuesday afternoon as some people from Miller's come to do a home assessment. This will help us evaluate just what needs to be done in anticipation of her coming home in early July.

Please continue to pray that Barbara makes marked improvements each day,

That this will be the week that she walks,

And that I am able to hold up strength and emotional-wise (I have really been run-down in both respects recently - the months are really catching up with me!).

I tell Barbara I love her a multiple of times every day. But I'm not sure I've said that to you yet. So, please know that I do love you and care deeply about you as well. Just as we have been in your prayers, to the extent that I'm knowledgeable about your needs, you too are in my prayers.

May 30 - The Big Day

2007-05-30T12:56:00.000-06:00

For some reason, we lost the wi-fi in the hotel, so I was unable to update you during the wedding. However, I'm back, and I'm packin' photos. I'll share a few that I snapped, and maybe a few more at a later date.

First, the thing most of you will want to know. How did Barbara do? How was the weekend? The answer to both is, much better than our highest expectations. We simply had a wonderful weekend, everything was wonderful, and Barbara did incredibly well. As you know from my earlier post, we began our trip to Lexington with a major scare. Due to mishandling at the nursing home, we were afraid that Barbara had broken something in her left leg. Fortunately, it turned out to be a sprain, and the doctor cleared us to go. It started out as a harrowing trip due to the intense pain Barbara was in. But thanks to some good medicine, she started doing much better about an hour into the trip.

While Barbara was even more incapacitated that I'd expected, things still went well. God gifted me with the strength I needed to lift and move her. I consider this to be something of a miracle since I'm really not that strong. I also must credit April and Penny for their extraordinary help. April is a nurse, and took wonderful care of Barbara. Also, Peter's brother is a nurse, and he helped with a semi-"emergency" before April arrived... Barbara's pic-line was coming out, so he removed it the rest of the way. This is a line that allows blood draws and injections without constantly poking someone with a needle.

Barbara actually seemed to do better than me through the time of the wedding. It wasn't until afterwards that she became completely exhausted with a lot of pain. I'm still trying to recoup from the trip, too.

So, thank you for all your prayers that I believe 1) were a part of Barbara's miraculous turn-around, 2) were essential in her being at Jackie's wedding, and 3) helped us during the event. Barbara still has a long road to travel in recovery, and we truly covet your prayers. However, I am mindful that Barbara's mere presence at Jackie's wedding was a picture of the power of God. His fingerprints were all over this past weekend.

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you about the wedding. It was simple and absolutely beautiful. After being a part of escorting Jackie down the aisle, I then assisted in officiating, bringing a heartfelt homily. I've always though Jackie was beautiful, but she's never looked more beautiful than she did on that day. The weather also cooperated, and there were no noticeable glitches. I hope you enjoy the pictures that I've sprinkled throughout this blog entry. I will include some more later.

It was quite an honor to meet so many people who had been praying for us. Peter's mom and dad are such nice people, and it was a profound privilege to get to meet them. Thanks to all of you who shared in this day through your prayers and kind words.

One other thing... I must give praise to God for his help financially this past weekend. I had been very worried about how we would afford everything. However, we ended up paying very little for the weekend, including the fact that thanks to a number of problems we encountered, our rooms ended up being FREE! God is sooooo good!

Barbara is back at Miller's now until her medicare days run out. Please pray that she will make great strides in the days ahead so that she will be able to be closer to "normal" when coming home. Also pray that the nurses and aids will be able to help her in a way that won't cause further injury. We are mindful at how God has been with us. In the final analysis, His blessings always outweigh everything else. I felt led to encourage those at the wedding to take a moment to reflect on God's blessings, instead of things that are going wrong, and to be thankful. I hope you will take a moment right now to close your eyes, consider the blessings of your life, and thank our Father in Heaven.

2007-05-30T05:59:00.000-06:00

This is Greg's sister, Stephanie. I told Greg I would write a brief update. He is working on getting pictures to post here.

It was simply amazing to me to see how well Barb did at all the pre-wedding/wedding activities. We arrived at the church for decorating and then rehearsal around 4:30 Friday. Barb happily observed and was greeted by many whom she had not met yet. Her stamina continued through the dinner afterward. We feasted on a wonderful dinner, saw some tear-jerking presentations of Jackie and Peter growing up, had some time to share memories/praise of the bride and groom. It was really neat to me that when Greg asked Barb if she was ready to go (it was 10:00 by now), she said she wanted to stay. She had nice conversations with Peters family, and many others in attendance.

The next day, she still had energy left for the big day! She arrived early enough to spend some time with Jackie as she was getting ready. She made it through the photography session (not her favorite time, I understand - she looked beautiful to me!), and then was seated for the wedding. A funny time during the wedding was when her Dad (Greg) was giving the homily, he recalled a young Jackie promising her Mommy she would never leave her. Jackie looked back at her Mom with a coy smile on her face. It was a cute moment, and I think that will be a special snapshot in Barb's mind!

All in all, it was a great day, and Barbara surprised all of us with her stamina.

I reflected back on those days late last year when there were so many unknowns. This event was truly an answer to all of our prayers!! The "kinks" were there (Barb's pain from her knee injury, difficult transitions: she had to be lifted instead of being able to bear weight on her own, these were scary moments Barb approached with much dread), but did not stop Barb from being able to see her "little girl" get married! How wonderful! Let's praise God for answering our BIG prayers in a BIG way!

God was with Greg as well. He mentioned to me that he was surprised that he could lift Barb the way he did during transitions (car to wheelchair, wheelchair to seat, etc). From my perspective, he made it look easy. I know God was giving him the strength he needed for this and other tasks. Let's all remember Greg as well as we pray for Barb, as this is all very stressful, time consuming, draining,...just downright difficult for him.

Before I close this, I want to ask a favor from all reading this. First of all, we are thankful for your faithfulness in "checking in" here, remembering to pray and encourage. I am reminded, though that this could be a very difficult time for Barb and Greg now. This event (the wedding) has been a driving force for Barb to keep going, to work towards. I think now could be a time when they could get very discouraged. What I'm saying is, let's "up our ante" in the encouragement department. Notes of encouragement, visits, calls, any reminders of love and hope to them will help give them a boost right now.

The day after the wedding was pretty difficult. Barb was exhausted to say the least. She was also quite sore. They made it back safely to the nursing home. Once she was settled in bed and rested briefly, she thought that she might like to get up again. Greg said "no way!!!" She is resting up, resuming physical therapy, and preparing to hopefully go home in the near future. More Big prayers, please, for her increased strength, stamina, and desire to push herself.

God is good!!!

May 24 - Yet another bump in the long road

2007-05-24T20:53:00.000-06:00

Greetings from Lexington, KY, where we are sheltered in a fine hotelery awaitin' the impending nuptials of our progeny. However, we almost didn't make it. You won't believe what happened.

Some of you got the prayer request, so you may have an inkling of what I'm about to tell you. On the way to Miller's to pick up Barbara this morning, I got a call from a nurse saying that they had called 911 and Barbara was en route to St. Mary's Hospital in Hobart. It seems that while an aide was transferring Barbara from the, uh, er, "potty" to her wheelchair, she experienced multiple pops and cracks in her left knee. She began screaming like a banshee on a xanthine alkaloid compound. When we (her mother and I) arrived at the hospital, she was distraught with pain and anxiety. She was equally upset over the prospect of not going to the wedding as she was with the pain. After several x-rays and many, many prayers, we found out that she had a severe knee sprain, but no broken bones. The good news was that the doctor cleared her to go to Lexington! The bad news is that she was in such severe pain, all transfers would have to be done by lifting her. Every move brought more of those banshee-esque screams. The doctor did prescribe her some pretty good dope, though, and we set off for the long, tedious 6 hour cruise.

Once the pain meds settled in, she began to do better. By about an hour into the trip, she was calm and actually quite pleasant. Jackie, Peter, and his brother met us at the hotel to help carry her out of the Honda, and into a chair, then into bed. As of now she's sleeping rather soundly.

It seems like something has just been pushing against us! In fact, all the way down to Lafayette, we experienced head-on winds that were very hard to accelerate against, and as a result, we got terrible gas mileage out of a normally good-mileage vehicle. On top of everything else, it seems only appropriate for this trip to continually exact an exorbitant price from us.

Thanks for your ongoing prayers. We will need some powerful help in the days ahead, so please remember us.

May 22

2007-05-22T21:26:00.000-06:00

Two days in a row. Woo hoo!

A quick update to let you know it was a wonderful day here at the ranch. After a quick flurry of last minute shopping in Merrillville (had to get an ivory dress shirt for the wedding - praise God it actually ended up being free - I had a credit at Men's Wearhouse that I didn't know about), we proceeded on to Miller's and picked up my sweetie (we being myself and Barb's mom, Mabel).

Once at home, our dog Max went goofy loopy crazy getting to see Barb for the first time in almost 7 months (which I think is a millennium in dog years). We had wienie wraps and baked beans for lunch and all enjoyed it (albeit, the company was better).

Barbara did quite well, and we had a great day. It was sad to return her to Miller's, but this is yet another milestone week.

It looks like we have wi-fi in our hotel room at Lexington for the wedding, so I will try to give you updates and maybe even a picture or two! Woo hoo indeed.

May 21 - Happy Days, Hoo-hahs, and Hope

2007-05-21T20:11:00.000-06:00

The big week is here. The week that Barbara has literally been living for. It's been the goal before us and the culmination of years of prayer. This is the week of Jackie's marriage to Peter. This is both a wonderful and gut wrenching week. There are feelings of pride and trepidation. Feelings of fear of the unknown (how will Barbara do with all of this?), and feelings of immense happiness. It's interesting how you raise your children to one day fly, and when they do, it's both sad and satisfying. I've also been praying for Peter; I've prayed for him for as long as I can remember, despite the fact that I only knew his name in recent years.

Today the therapist trained me to transfer Barbara into our Honda SUV, and it went extremely well. So well, in fact, that we plan to bring her home tomorrow for lunch! That was a spur of the moment idea, but we are all tremendously excited. This will be her first time home and first time seeing Max (our dog) in almost 7 months. This is big stuff! This is the big stuff we've been praying!

Thank you for your on-going prayers and kind words.

This week, please pray for safety in travel,

Pray that Barbara will grow stronger every day, and that her endurance will increase with each day,

Pray that I will stay healthy through this,

And pray that all will go as smoothly as possible.

May 18

2007-05-18T21:47:00.000-06:00

I've been needing to make this entry for several days now. For shame, for shame, for shame on me.

Barbara has been doing great! I think the biggest improvement I've seen is her emotional state. She has been so much more positive and upbeat. Late last week she and I were trained on "transfers" - moving her from wheel chair to, uh, regular chair. Next week we'll work on getting her into our vehicle. We will be doing so with a special belt designed by none other than Martha Stewart. Or maybe not.

Now for the really good news. The road has been cleared for Barbara to return to Miller's after the wedding. They have worked out a means by which this can happen and Medidontcare will actually pay. But wouldn't it be better news for her to come home? We both certainly long for that day, but her care and rehab needs still exceed my capacities as a provider. Barbara believes this to be a good thing; she has become quite upbeat about all this.

Please continue to pray that this will be the week that she walks,

Keep Jackie and Peter in your prayers for their impending nuptials,

Pray that the journey there will be paved with daisies and, I don't know. It's late. Make up your own metaphor.

May 14 - A Thousand More Words

2007-05-14T16:28:00.000-06:00

Once again, I apologize for the length between entries. I never was a good one at keeping journals, and I now find myself busier than before.

First up, I want to share with you a pic from Mother's Day. We were blessed to have our beautiful daughter with us. Jackie will be graduating from Asbury Theological Seminary next weekend with her masters in counseling. Then, the next weekend, it's the big day. Her wedding to Peter. Barb's mother was also with us, and this picture is a 3 generation shot taken at Miller's. Hope you enjoy it.

Barbara continues to make miraculous improvement, albeit slow. I continually pray that this will be the week that she walks. Thank you for helping us carry this prayer burden.

Barbara is able to stand more and stand longer, with assistance, everyday. She is also gaining strength in lifting herself up. She is also making progress in her ability to transfer from chair to chair (with assistance). Her appetite has been good, too. These are all such wonderful blessings. Still, we realize things will be difficult getting her to Lexington for the wedding. Please keep us in your prayers... we will really need it!

Barbara was so excited to have Jackie come and visit. She looked forward to having Jackie see how well she's doing. It's always wonderful to have her here. But the irony is that you raise a child to one day be independent, get married, have a family of their own and realize their dreams and goals. But... when they actually begin on that part of their life, it's quite sad. Go figure.

As you pray, please continue to remember to pray big - that Barbara will walk this week,

Pray that she will make outstanding progress in these weeks before the wedding,

Pray for our financial state,

Pray for me that I'll stay strong (a combo of sinus headaches, allergies, and yet another ear infection are really dragging me down these days).

One problem forthcoming is that once Barbara leaves the nursing home to go to the wedding, medicare and insurance will not pay for her return (they believe that if she is well enough to leave even for a day, she no longer needs nursing home care). That means, as of the end of the month, she will be home and in my care. That is quite a daunting prospect. While we'll be glad that she's home, we're very concerned about her care and therapy. Pray that the Medicaid waiver goes through unusually fast - that would be a serious blessing, allowing for much more extensive care.

May 5 - Worth A Thousand Words

2007-05-05T20:30:00.000-06:00

Here's one you've been waiting for. For most of you, a first look at how Barbara's doing in pictures. My sister's family joined us for a picnic under the gazebo at Miller's Merry Manor. Rather than telling you how things are going, let me show you. At the end of the day, Barbara told me she was "tired... but it's a happy tired." I hope you enjoy these.

This shot is a casual look at the picnic, minus me. It was a day with a mix of sunshine and clouds, but no rain showed up and the temperature was great. Plus, the kids had lots of room to run around in the enclosed courtyard area.

Obviously, I'm not behind the camera on this one... thanks, John! Anyway, here I am with my precious angel. It's so nice that she can sit up now... it's a lot easier to hug her! She is working on increasing her endurance so that she can stay in the wheel chair most of the day in a few weeks at the big wedding.

A great shot here with nieces and nephew. We were also treated to a piano concert, lots of pictures, and lots of action!

And a shot here with my sister Stephanie and her husband, John. Stephanie is also a contributor to this blog in the past. It was such a blessing to have them with us.

Barbara hates to have her picture taken, but she agreed to let me share these with you since you have been so actively praying for her well-being. I hope you share our thrill in seeing her looking so good and doing so well. This week? Well... I continue to pray that this will be the week that she walks!

May 3

2007-05-03T08:15:00.000-06:00

I'm finding that I don't have a whole lot of new stuff to report these days, only to say that by the grace of God, Barbara continues to make modest yet remarkable improvements every day. Thanks to the need to do some major house rearranging, and factoring in outrageous gas prices (here it's 3.14/gallon right now), I have been staying home more often to work. Thankfully, Barbara is getting well enough that she can keep herself busy despite boredom. Yesterday, Fay, a lady from GFM, spent the afternoon with her. That was quite a blessing to us all.

Barbara has been able to stand on her feet for longer periods of time (3 minutes as of yesterday), and has been doing quite well learning to transition from bed to chair on her feet (rather than using the hoyer lift). The last time I was with her, she actually stood erect for most of the time on her feet, and that was a very emotional moment. While she does require assistance to stand, she told me that yesterday, she felt herself lifting up before the therapist assisted!

I'm also very pleased that her emotional state has brightened up quite a bit. These months have taken a great toll on her, and living in a nursing home environment isn't at all easy. But she's driven by the goals she has set for herself, and things are looking up.

I don't believe that God puts us through life traumas like this to teach us a lesson. Certainly under the old covenant, there were times when God related to man in that way. But I sense that in the truly desperate and despairing times of my life, rather than making me learn through heartache, He is making sense out of what seems senseless to me. In other words, God transforms the junk of our lives into something beautiful if we let Him. I see now where God is leading me. I realize now that this path has been transformed from something ugly and painful to something worthwhile. Not that our suffering was necessary - but it was necessary to teach me to love again. While Barbara and I never stopped loving each other, like many people who've been married for a number of years, we had settled for a settled-in kind of love. These days, I find myself thrilled every time I see her and every time I hear her voice on the phone. I've experienced a renewal of love for her in a manner that I haven't experienced in years. In a way, I wish that all of you could experience this renewal (without the pain, of course - but I suspect it's the pain that has brought on the renaissance). While I can't wrap my mind around the ways of God, and I can't understand the precise ways He rules the universe, I can see His fingerprints on all things. I have asked for prayer from you so often; please know that I pray for you as well. I pray that God will cause something exciting to be reborn in your heart and mind today.

April 28

2007-04-28T20:27:00.000-06:00

This has been a very positive week and a very trying week all knotted up in a tangled wonderful terrible mess!

I'm happy to tell you that Barbara has made progress. Her arms continue to grow stronger, and she's happily crocheting and writing notes to people. On Friday, she more than doubled her previous time on her feet by "standing" for 2 and a half minutes. Then she did something she hadn't done before - she stood another minute. I should qualify this a bit by explaining that she stands with help at each arm and a third person in front holding a rolled sheet that is around Barbara's waist. Also, she is still having difficulty standing straight, and spends most of the time hunched over. I assisted with one of the standing experiences, though, and I can tell you I did very little to support her... she was mostly doing it on her own!

Earlier in the day Friday, she finally got to take a bath in a really nice whirlpool tub that has a door that opens, and seals shut. While the water didn't come up all the way due to her stomach tube that is still in place, it was still a great experience for her. The aids did a tremendous job helping her, including washing her hair (I was so grateful for how well they did cleaning up the wound area). Let me take this moment to highly commend the great job the aids have done at Miller's. Barbara continues to win them over with her smile and caring demeanor.

I'm also thankful that Barbara has been eating better. While the food situation is tenuous at best, she is eating well - especially when I bring her junk food. She has been much more cheerful, too. While she is still quite emotional about the challenges that lie ahead (particularly in regards to all the uncertainty about how we're gonna make this wedding trip work). She has also begun reading these blog entries so that she can get an idea of what the days were like that her memory has mercifully erased with help from the sedation. She has some bizarre memories that don't make much sense to her. I'm quite surprised at how little she actually does remember.

One big area of prayer relates to the issue of the new Medicaid waiver program that would be a huge blessing to us. It would be a HUGE financial help to us. It is believed that because of her young age, she will definitely be accepted. However, approval can take months, and we're a bit nervous about Barbara leaving the nursing home for the wedding. It's complicated to explain, so I'll just simply ask you to pray for a miraculously quick approval.

As for the tough stuff of the week, I would just simply ask for your continued prayers for our financial big picture. I'm feeling much more positive about things than I was in the last entry, but there are still areas of concern. But God has been sooooo good to us. And we are blessed with such a wonderful family... our family in southern and central Indiana... and our spiritual family here at GFM and beyond.

This week, they will begin to work with Barbara on "transfers"... learning to get out of bed and into a chair while holding on to someone and pivoting. Please pray that this will go well.

And pray for continued healing of her legs (pray that this will be the week she walks),

Pray that she will continue to eat well,

Pray for a remarkable month of recovery ahead before the wedding,

And pray that she will quickly be accepted on this Medicaid waiver program.

Keep me in your prayers a tiny bit too... I had an upper GI early this week to confirm a likely hiatal hernia. They say stress is a big inducer of this. Gee, I wonder where that stress came from!

April 26 - Hear The Wind Blow

2007-04-26T09:50:00.000-06:00

This has been a week of high emotion and physical struggle for me. As I watch the impressive work that God is doing in Barbara, I also struggle with the realities that come along with a long term hospitalization. It's a terrible paradox that when we struggle over one thing, many times we must then struggle with many things. The old cliche is, "when it rains, it pours". Well, I'm not giving up, but the battle has been tough this week as many financial realities crashed upon my head. I will tell you that God has been faithful. I called upon a few friends to pray specifically for a miracle one day, and indeed, God came and did something wonderful for us. While it may seem like a bandaid on a massive injury, it is still a sign that God struggles along with us and does not forsake us. I suppose the best way you could pray for us right now, besides the total and complete healing for Barbara, is to pray that we won't have to declare bankruptcy. This is a very real possibility. There are a number of factors at play here, but I simply want to avoid having to take this horrible step to resolve things. That was an extremely raw, real and vulnerable thing to tell you. I wonder if I should go back and delete it. But I guess the reality is, you must love us to continue to care enough to read what I write. So, I will ask for your prayers. While this is certainly a public forum, I would request that you refuse to simply speak of these matters to anyone but God. Some stupid rumors have arisen in the past from the grapevine of information that started in truth, and got distorted along the way. So, just pray and speak to God alone of these things.

As for Barbara's recovery, she is growing stronger everyday. At times I cry when I see her doing something that I had to do for her not long ago. She is crocheting like Martha Stewart in a windstorm (whatever that means). She can roll herself over fairly well. She is eating better, despite her disdain for the food being served (she calls it "old people food"). So, I continue to bring her junk food at times (that is what she is craving).

She has lost a lot of weight, but in turn, has begun to put a little back on.

She still can't walk, though. She cries out to walk, she knows that she can, she knows that she will, she just can't figure out why it isn't happening. They give her shocks to her muscles to awaken them (she says it feels good - relieves pain). She can stand up for a minute at a time with 3 therapists assisting. Every day, and many times every hour, I pray that THIS WILL BE THE WEEK THAT BARBARA WALKS. Please, God.

Her head wound is healing wonderfully well, but as Jackie's wedding rapidly approaches, she worries and cries about the scar left from the trache, and she is upset about the condition of her hair (she has lost a lot of it due to laying so much, and from the debridement). So, pray with me that God will also do a miracle and heal these things quickly as well.

I must say, though, that she is so beautiful to me. When I walk in the room, despite her messed up hair, despite all the things that she wants to be different, I still see such utter, magnificent beauty. Frankly, I had forgotten just how beautiful she is to me. But through all of this struggle, my eyes have been renewed and my heart has been changed. On her good days she greets me with sparkling eyes and a million dollar smile when I walk in the room. And not only do I see her, but I see God. I see the glory of God revealed through his child, one that He loves.

The subtitle I gave this entry was "Hear The Wind Blow". Remember that song... "Down in the valley, valley so low..."? I never thought about its spiritual relevance until recently. I've been down in the valley. Valley so low. But I've also heard the wind blow. It's the Spirit of God, coming in a gentle wind, reminding me that I am not alone. That God even moves in the valleys.

April 20

2007-04-20T22:10:00.000-06:00

Hi, I'm TV's Uncle Jerry. No, not really. But I said that to open the door to a major problem that has plagued "How's Barbara Doing". It seems that after I write these plain, simple, easy to understand entries, somebody slips in and adds obscure pop culture references that have confused many of the fair readers who inhabit the palatial estate that is this blog. So, in order to aid you, my fair reader, in the event of such bizarre ventures into how my mind works when writing late at night, I will begin hyperlinking to a helpful web place to help you get it. In fact, my last entry will be retro-fitted due to all the "what in the world were you talking abouts" that I received after that nocturnal rant.

Well, Barbara is still at Miller's Merry Manor thanks to eleventh hour wrangling that concluded that our secondary insurance will indeedy doody pick up the amount that medicare will not pay since she had exceeded 20 days. I will try my best not to go into an insurance/medicare rant at this point in time! Just let me say that I would not wish what I've gone through on my worst enemy. Not that I have any enemies. At least none that I know of. OK, maybe the resident at the nursing home who sits by the door and gives me the stink eye every day when I arrive.

Barbara, coming off of 2 exceptionally good days, had a bad day today. As for the good days, she has been eating very well (she is craving junk food, so I make many trips to oblige her when the meals there are gross). She has been pushing herself to stay up in the wheelchair so that she can build endurance. Today she just pooped out on us, though. Pray that this will be a one day set back!

Otherwise, she is doing quite well, all things considered. She has yet to walk, but I pray everyday that this will be the week that she does so.

There is also some good news on the financial front that may come to pass. We are praying that Barbara will be accepted onto a brand new medicade waiver program that won't garnish my wages, and will provide many services so that she can come home. This would be a true answer to prayer. We want her to be at home, but we also want her to get daily physical therapy, and we realize that her care needs exceed my abilities at this point.

I believe that the nurses and aids are giving her good care. Her winning smile and sweet spirit continue to win over most of those who come in contact with her. There are a couple of aids who were quite gruff and impersonal at first that are now quite friendly and loving.

God has been so good to us.

April 16

2007-04-16T20:08:00.000-06:00

What do you mean I haven't done a very good job keeping you updated lately? You mean you haven't seen all those entries I've been posting? Oh wait - I see the problem - I accidentally typed backwards and left all the posts on the bizarro blog. I'll try to do better.

Don't you just love it when I delve into the weird pop-cultural references? Not a match, the board goes back.

Barbara continues to show modest improvements, fighting the challenge of deep emotional pain, and trying to eat despite her more-extreme-than-ever-pickiness.

The greatest challenge right now is that she may have to come home Thursday. That is both good news and bad news. She is desperate to come home, but also realizes that in her present state, she would be a big handful for me. On Thursday, she will exhaust the days that Medicare will pay 100%. While Medicare will pay 80% for a while thereafter, we can't afford to pick up the rest unless her secondary insurance comes through. Right now, we're getting conflicting reports, but my dear friend, the Grand Poobah of insurance is trying to help us find out what's up. In the meantime, I feel like David swinging an empty sling.

Barbara continues to loose weight on the world's worst diet plan. She's been having difficulty getting food that she likes, and at times, has refused to let me go get her something else to eat. I think it's all a part of wanting to come home.

She did stand up, with assistance today. While she still hasn't taken steps, I keep praying the BIG prayer that this will be the week God miraculously restores her legs, and she dances like Molly Spotted Elk.

A very special friend sent a wonderful, heavily stocked care package to Barbara and she was thrilled. She said it was like having Christmas, which she doesn't really remember. She did tell me that after she comes home, she wants to have a big Thanksgiving dinner, since she missed that as well. She becomes quite emotional when she hears all the things she missed, and all the things she's been through. I thought to tell her today that we had gotten a birthday gift for her mom, and took her out to dinner, and she cried. I'll never forget that day, though, because that was the day that the heart doctor announced that he didn't expect her heart to beat much longer, and that we should consider whether or not to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate).

It's truly amazing how God has healed her. Please join us in praying that our Father will continue to move in unexpected ways.

Pray that her spirits will stay up.

Pray that the food will get better.

Pray that insurance/financial issues will resolve well.

Incidentally, we're very excited that there is a new Medicaid program that will give her a lot of help without touching my income (traditionally, they would have taken everything of value we have and forced us to live on a sub-minimal amount). This looks promising, and could be VERY VERY good news. Pray that the right thing will happen.

Please also keep our finances in your prayers.

April 9

2007-04-09T07:49:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the lack of updates lately - Holy Week can be quite hectic anyway for a pastor - but with everything going on concerning Barbara's care, this past week has been especially busy. I should tell you first of all that as of last Saturday, Barbara has been returned to Miller's Merry Manor in Hobart.

I can't say enough about the wonderful team of doctors who took care of Barbara at St. Mary's. The kidney infection has been resolved. Plus, they discovered the cause of her inability to eat and subsequent severe malnutrition. Her adrenal glands are not functioning at all, so she will be forced to remain on prednisone to make up for this. This is a bad news/good news thing since the prednisone, while helping her, will also continue to damage her body. They also determined that there was a thyroid issue that is being treated through meds. The wound on the back of her head from the pressure sore and debridement is nearly closed now, and hair has begun to grow back. Plus, as I think I mentioned before, they had been getting Barbara up on her feet some (while being supported on both sides), although she still hasn't taken any steps.

I must also commend the nursing and support staff at St. Mary's for the good work they did. And I must say that the rooms in the new wing of the hospital are really nice!

I'm not sure how profitable it would be for me to go into my tirade about the fact that insurance companies now dictate care, and that doctors have little say. But the doctors believed that it would be essential to her progress to receive more intensive physical therapy before returning to the nursing home. However, insurance refused it. Does that mean we have bad insurance? I suspect that the truth is that this is the way all insurance providers behave. You could have the best policies available and still encounter nightmares with unconcerned and uncaring people who make care decisions. Insurance is NOT about caring for people, it's about profit and profit alone. Medicare is NOT about caring for people, but about numbers and numbers alone. Someone jokingly asked me if I would be in favor of a national healthcare program. I laughed and assured him that my experiences prove that the government can thoroughly screw up any good thing they handle. I'm not sure which is worse - the government's inept inability to provide insurance (such as our experience with Medicare), or the uncaring incompetence at other providers. It's a good thing that I decided to speak softly about how I think concerning this issue!

Well, the good news is that Barbara is doing very well outside of her dire need for intensive physical therapy. The aids and nurses at Miller's couldn't believe how good she looks now. She did lose another 10 pounds while in the hospital, and has lost at least 40 pounds altogether. There are some wonderful Christian aids who really love Barbara and they were praising Jesus for her improved condition.

I am terrified at prospect of how we'll survive getting her to Jackie's wedding at the end of next month, but we are resolved and determined to make it work one way or the other. I'm also thankful that we've already had a volunteer offering medical help for the trip if needed. We are blessed with such wonderful friends here!

Here's how to pray at this point in time... Pray that Barbara will continue to eat well and that she will get food that she likes,

Pray that Miller's physical therapy team will be inspired to get Barbara on her feet,

Pray that God will miraculously cause Barbara to walk THIS WEEK,

Pray that there will be no other setbacks.

Oh, and pray for our emotional needs as well. Barbara continues to be in tears over the callousness of the insurance companies to her needs, as well as prospects for her state at the time of the wedding. I myself have had a real emotional struggle of late. I've had a deep sense of despair and loneliness set in despite my faith and hope and relationship in Christ. Don't know how to explain this one. It's just the reality of the situation, I guess. I fully see how our Father in Heaven is also our Father here and now. It's a weird paradox, but perhaps those of you who've gone through similar crisis can relate. Thanks again for your prayers!

April 2

2007-04-02T19:27:00.000-06:00

I've been wanting to let you know how well Barbara is progressing, but alas, it has been a busy couple of days. We can't say enough good things about the doctors who've been attending to Barbara's health needs. They have now determined that her adrenal glands aren't working at all, and that she will need to remain on prednisone (likely, for life). While that's not exactly what we wanted to hear, it is sure better than some of the alternative things that could have been wrong. If you want the whole medical explanation, give me a call. Otherwise, suffice it to say that she is improving daily, and is eating better every day. This won't be a quick thing to resolve, but she is on the right path. Her malnutrition is quite serious, but at least she's holding down the feedings being delivered directly to her stomach. She has been craving foods once again (an answer to prayer!), and last night she ate a half a piece of deep dish pizza that I picked up at a local place.

Have I mentioned that she is no longer on oxygen? Not that she has quit breathing (I know what you smart alecks out there were thinking), but rather she doesn't have that wonderful little tube wrapped around her head delivering extra oxygen. She is also making various other improvements that are paving the way to coming home.

They are hoping to find a way to keep her at St. Mary's for a little longer to give some intensive rehab that will better facilitate recovery. In that we are in the cruel hands of Medicare on that decision, I'm not holding my breath. Either way, look for her to return to Miller's Merry Manor nursing facility soon. I should tell you, though, that they actually had her on her feet TWICE today!!!! It was with assist, of course, but she said it felt really great.

So, please join us in praying that it will work out for her to stay and get more intensive therapy for a little while,

Pray that she will eat more and more everyday,

And join me in praying BIG - I'm praying that she will walk on her own THIS WEEK. That would be huge, but God had done it even more quickly before, so I think I'm cutting Him some slack! Seriously, if He will, He can.

Blessed Easter, everyone!

March 29 - In Like A Lion, Out Like A Lion

2007-03-29T07:33:00.000-06:00

My time of spiritual retreat with my fellow pastors was extraordinarily wonderful. I am blessed with a group of men and women that are more than colleagues, but are family. They are precious to me in ways that can't be understood outside of experience itself. To those of you who offered words of encouragement, concern, and love, I give my love and thanks. To those who simply supported with presence, I also give my love and gratitude.

You may notice that thanks to a request, I have now included information concerning the history of Barbara's present state in the column to your right. Unless of course you're viewing this from behind the computer screen, in which case you have much bigger problems that I can help you with at this time.

Barbara has undergone a battery of tests and pokes and prods to resolve this long standing issue of a stagnant, non-working stomach. I am extremely pleased with the team of doctors on her case, and am once again overwhelmed at how God's is supplying!!! For those of you who have ultimate faith in science, Barbara's present condition proves the fallibility of that reliance. I'm not anti-science, rather, I believe it works fully in balance with God's other gifts because all good things are of God. Science cannot answer the question as to why Barbara is suffering as she is at this time, so now it comes down to educated guesses, puzzle solving, and simple compassion. These are not things you can answer with computer-like intellect, they take God's gift of heart. The good news/bad news has been that while tests haven't shown anything major to be wrong, they still don't define the problem. So, at this time, they are addressing her adrenal system as well as the communication path between her brain and digestive system. It's actually quite complicated, but perhaps my over-simplified explanation will at least give you a rudimentary understanding. Oh - and yes, the kidney infection continues, but is being treated. We'll know more about that in the days to come.

She continues to be at St. Mary's in Hobart, and will be so for an indeterminate period of time. She is in the new wing of the hospital, and the rooms there are quite beautiful. This is really a lovely hospital. I believe that the staff issues alluded to earlier have been resolved.

Please pray that doctors will crack the code and solve Barbara's eating-digesting-throwing-up-nausea-lack0of-appetite issues once and for all.

Some have remarked about some quality of my life that has seemed to sustain me where others might break down. I don't know if I said that very well, but I must confess that I feel quite weak in my strength. It is all the power of God available to all of us. I wish that I had been a better lay person in my years before the pastorate. I apologize to all my previous pastors that while I heard the Word, I didn't live it as I should have. I'm still developing in this, but I have gained a truer perspective on what it means to be a part of a "church" (not a building, but rather, God's people), and a part of a community. I am but a poor example of what God can do in man, but if anything I do is remarkable, it is not me. It is the face of God that shines through when we allow it to. I shudder to think of the difference we could make in this world if we all allowed God to possess not just our hearts, but our minds, our ambitions, our dreams, our visions, and our lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the church today... but there is something deadly wrong with the people. God's church is alive - but we have paralyzed parts of the body by failing to allow God to bring us to life with His resurrection power.

Once there was a little girl. She danced merrily through life changing lives with her mesmerizing smile. One day, this little girl stumbled and fell. For months she couldn't walk or talk, and doctors couldn't figure out why. But then, one day, the girl began to regain her smile. She began to remember why she loved life, and began to remember how her body was supposed to work. Over time, she remembered how her hands loved to create beautiful blankets, and she began to create. Over time, she remembered how she loved to dance, and she began to dance. It was then that she realized that it wasn't that she couldn't move; rather, she had forgotten how it felt to do so. The power wasn't in her to heal; it was within God. She had simply lost the picture of God in her heart. Once she regained it, she regained life. And she lived.

(Thank you, Michael Kelly Blanchard.)

March 27

2007-03-27T21:13:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone... I am back from the Pastor/Spouse retreat (going solo, lonely and quite introspective). There are many things to tell about Barbara, and a very good question from the last entry's comments. However, I am quite exhausted, and need to beg a reprieve for one more day.

Just a quick note, though. Barbara continues to undergo tests of various and sundry kinds to help figure out what's going on with her. Quickly, I might also tell you her pressure wound is healing at an incredible pace... the opening is now merely the size of a pencil eraser!!! PRAISE GOD! He is faithful on rainy days, He is faithful on sunny days... praise Him in all things the same.

One other great area of concern is that Barbara is very malnourished. I will write more tomorrow, I hope! Thanks for your BIG prayers.

March 24 - Who's Crying Now?

2007-03-24T19:34:00.000-06:00

Guess my stomach was jealous of Barbara's, so I've spent time being sick. I'm hoping that this all clears by time to leave for the retreat. Please keep me in your prayers on this.

For the most part, I'm pleased with the care Barbara is getting at St. Mary's. Unfortunately, last night she had a couple aids who were very hateful towards her, complaining every time Barbara called them. It's not like Barbara asked to be in this position. We will definitely deal with this situation.

Otherwise, she has had some outstanding nurses.

The room she is in is really deluxe, too. The new section at St. Mary's has some really nice rooms.

Please pray that Barbara's kidney infection will heal, and that the stomach issues will be resolved soon.

Thankfully, I'm feeling better tonight, but I have a knockdown headache.

March 22 - The World Tour Continues

2007-03-22T22:02:00.000-06:00

We continue our fabulous world tour of all the hospitals of Northwest Indiana.

After several days of doing better, Barbara starting "getting sick" again this morning. Throughout the day she'd been running a fever. Finally the decision was made to take her to the hospital.

We made our way to the emergency room of St. Mary's Hospital in Hobart. If you're keeping score at home, this makes care facility #5. Not a match, the board goes back.

They determined that she has a very bad kidney infection, and she's dehydrated (no big surprise there). So, she has been admitted and will probably be there for at least a few days. Hopefully we can get this stomach issue resolved once and for all. This has been one of the biggest unsolved mysteries since Barbara began recovering. It's hard telling how long she had this infection, but they say it would explain the puking.

It's been a big ol long ol day, and daddy's tired. Just remember to pray that this kidney infection will clear quickly.

March 21

2007-03-21T21:26:00.000-06:00

Good health care makes a difference. Big prayers make an even bigger difference. Early on in this thing, I challenged you and all the folks at GFM to pray BIG prayers. Please continue to pray these prayers for us, because we've seen answers that have truly inspired us.

Barbara continues to link days together without, uh, yawning in Technicolor. She has yet to begin trying to eat again, but she is drinking water. Good health care. Big prayers.

She continues to crochet, and has become much more optimistic. Her smile is back as well. Yesterday we were surprised by a visit from her Aunt Ruby and Uncle John (her mom's sister and brother).

Tomorrow afternoon we'll have a care plan meeting to figure out how things will progress in the days ahead, and to set up plans for returning home.

I will be attending the upcoming pastor/spouse retreat, and Barbara really wishes she could go. But she agrees that this retreat will be good for me spiritually and emotionally as I prepare for the difficult job of home care in the weeks ahead. Her mom will be house sitting and keeping an eye on Barbara for me.

March 19

2007-03-19T19:55:00.000-06:00

Thank you for your ongoing prayers... they truly make a difference. Today was a much better day for Barbara. They're trying a different feeding technique, and she didn't urp up anything today. In fact, her whole disposition was so much better today. She smiled, and seemed much more like herself. Have I mentioned she has been crocheting again?!?!?! Well, she was crocheting again today. She has actually started a new baby blanket. I can't tell you how much it thrills my heart to see her doing that! I'm not exaggerating to say that it brings tears to my eyes. Back to the stomach issue - she is still not eating - doctor's orders - but things are starting to look a wee bit better. Keep up those wonderful prayers.

There are several aides there that have been praying with Barbara. Also, one particular nurse that has been very diligent about helping out Barbara's situation. I'm also still hugely grateful to our nurse practitioner for her extraordinary help.

So, pray a prayer of thanks for God's blessings

Pray for continued healing of Barbara's stomach,

Pray that we will be able to find the resources to remodel the bathroom here in the parsonage for Barbara's new needs.

March 17

2007-03-17T21:15:00.000-06:00

A quick note to cry out for prayer tonight. We're very concerned that there is a serious issue with Barbara's stomach brewing. She cannot hold down anything - even meds put in her stomach tube come up rapidly. She is nauseated all the time and very distressed over this issue. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts.

March 16

2007-03-16T08:20:00.000-06:00

It's difficult to think of things to say when I'm as frustrated as I've been this week. Actually, I thought things have gone quite well with the move to the nursing home. However, Barbara is a complete wreck emotionally, and that takes a toll on all of us.

She has now taken up residence at Miller's Merry Manor in Hobart. She will only be there 20 days, as that is what Medicare will pay. Beyond that, she'll be coming home one way or the other! Her room is nice, and as nursing homes go, Miller's is a very nice facility. I've also been pleased with the nurses and aids for the most part.

Yesterday, after they put Barbara in a chair, I wheeled her around the facility to see her environs. She seemed to be suitably impressed. We were also quite blessed to have Karen Johnson, our nurse practitioner who've we've seen since living up here, stop in to evaluate Barbara and serve as her overseeing physician. I am so extremely grateful that she was willing to do this as she is a very caring and prayerful Christian lady who we trust a great deal.

I don't know what to say about Barbara's depression, though. She has no appetite, and is still throwing up quite a bit. Please make this a big part of your prayers for her today. Also pray that her time at Miller's will help her to be able to function well once returning home. I dreamed (again) last night that Barbara just got up on her own and started walking. I'm reminded that this is not an uncommon miracle. I hope the Lord will strengthen my faith so that I can allow Him to work His wonder and grace through us more fully.

Moving Again...

2007-03-12T19:05:00.000-06:00

Barbara is quite pleased that she has been accepted at Miller's Merry Manor in Hobart (just off I-65 on Ridge Rd.). She worked for Miller's at Hope, IN, in years past. This is the nursing facility that she most wanted to go to if she had to go at all. We checked it out and found it to be very nice. She will be moving some time on Wednesday.

What day is it?

2007-03-11T20:43:00.000-06:00

This is Jackie live from Indiana. And I would title the post as the current date, but my couple of days away from normalcy has rendered me unable to establish what date it is. I guess hospitals have that disorienting effect on me.

I praise God for the progress that Mom has made since I last saw her. She can do so much more with her hands and arms than she was able to do before! She can now do things like brush her hair, scratch her nose, hold a drink cup by herself, and I even let her peel her own banana today! I have found myself in a deep state of gratitude to God for bringing her through these trials of late and allowing her to be a living testimony to God's grace and glory. I have been realizing more and more the seriousness of what happened to her and how medically it is amazing that she is still here.

While she is in many ways much more like Mom than the last time I saw her, I am also struck by how different she is. I can see the emotional effect these seemingly endless string of days in the hospital have had on her. While on one hand I see in her the renewed will to live and gratitude for being alive, I also see the deep depression that has gripped her. She understandably is discouraged but frequently needs to be reminded of just how far she's come. These couple of days have been wonderful being with her, but also somewhat painful because of the circumstances.

I have gotten to take care of some wedding planning/ tasks in Mom's room this weekend. It was good to have her present while the invitations were being assesmbled, but we both agreed that it would be so much better if we were at home at the kitchen table, baking cookies, while she was able to help me put them together. We've been able to discuss our hopes and fears about her being there for the wedding, we've laughed, and we've cried together. It's been so good to see her.

Besides praying for her emotional health, I would ask that you keep her digestive system in your prayers as well. Over the last few days she's been complaining of nausea, stomach cramps, and not being hungry. The nurses nor we have had luck trying to get her to eat. They were concerned enough to do an X-Ray of her stomach today and ended up finding what they suspected. She has some minor blockage which have been causing the complications. They have ordered her not to eat (she won't be having problems with that) for the next 24 hours in hopes that with some medication it will clear up. Please pray that this problem gets solved so she can get her appetite back so as to build strength. It really is important to her being able to participating in physical therapy, which is the only way she will keep improving.

The nurse says that the stomach blockage could possibly be a blessing in disguise since medicare is deciding not to pay for rehab after Wednesday. If Mom has some kind of medical problem such as this, she will be able to stay there in rehab a bit longer to receive more therapy. The other thing is that we don't have a clue where she'll be going after she is done with rehab. I think it has proven difficult to find a nursing facility that will offer the level of care she needs as a short-term interim between rehab and home. Pray about one specific facility in the area that is sending someone to evaluate Mom this week to see if their facility would be appropriate or not. So far we have been impressed with them. The best thing would be for Mom to be able to stay a little while longer in the rehabilitation unit she's currently in, but we know that God will work however He chooses. Please keep that situation in your prayers though. Thanks!

March 8

2007-03-08T15:13:00.000-06:00

We could use a special amount of prayer today as this one has been a rough one on Barbara. The months in the hospital continue to take a toll on her emotionally, and she is very easily upset or depressed. Any number of situations can send her in a downward spiral, and it seems that with each passing day, she becomes more and more vulnerable to discouragement.

Even under the best healthcare situations, things can be less than perfect. There are still some situations that if I don't stay on top of them, they don't get done. Many of you encourage me to get rest or spend more time away, and I have done so. But it is also true that every moment I am away is another moment that something can go wrong or unattended to, and these things all serve to frustrate her already tender emotional state.

The impending days in the nursing home have her terribly upset, despite the fact that I thought she had resigned herself to the idea. I rue the idea of sending her to one of these types of facilities. But I am unable to care for her at the level of attention she still requires.

Please pray diligently for Barbara's emotional health today. It is SO important to her recovery. If you're in the area, and get a chance to stop by, today or tomorrow would be a really good time to do so. It would help her a lot, I'm sure.

One more note. I recognize that every time I open my big fat mouth (or in this case, open my big fat, uh, er, blog...), I take the chance of saying something that someone will misread. I have used this forum not only as a means to keep you posted, but as a way to blow off some of my steam. In doing so, I may have created a false impression about what is going on with insurance. Specifically, in using the word "insurance", I am meaning medicare + our secondary insurance. And while we are running out of days that medicare will pay, I have been alerted that there might be some loopholes that I should pursue, and I am doing so. Some things have gotten back to me that were taken WAY YONDER out of proportion. Let me assure you that the conference, and our insurance team, has been absolutely wonderful to work with, and extremely helpful. They have not complained to me about anything said, but I think I should alert you to these truths before things get really crazy. Also, I realize that the information gets passed around because you really do care for us, and that means the world to me. Thank you for your concern. Please just know that my frustrations with the "system" have nothing to do with my dear friends in the conference. If you have any questions, I would be happy to let you step up to the mic now!

Blessings on you all! Thanks so much for your love and prayers!!!!!!

March 6

2007-03-06T09:26:00.000-06:00

Some news differing from what was reported earlier. It is now unlikely that Barbara will be coming home on March 14. Her therapy team met with us yesterday and expressed that they believe it would be far too difficult for me to provide the level of care that she will need. However, insurance will not allow her to stay in rehab beyond the 14th. Frankly, I have been very concerned about the care issue my own little self. However, knowing how devastated Barbara has been at the possibility of going to a nursing home, I had determined to make it work.

At this point, though, Barbara is resigned to the idea that perhaps it would be best for her to take advantage of the 20 days of "skilled nursing care" that medicare provides. What concerns us most is the fact that there are so many problems with so many nursing homes, it is difficult to know which one would be best. Also, the place where we send her would have to provide a higher level of care than your typical facility. We have a list to consider, and I guess that means I have a lot of work on my hands this week as I visit several of these places and try to guess which one would be best.

There is some good news to be parsed out as well. The debridement wound from the pressure sore on the back of her head is healing well, and has gotten smaller! Also, Barbara does continue to gain strength each day. She seems to be able to do more and more each time I see her. Her legs are progressing much more slowly than her arms, though, and she doesn't seem to be close to being able to walk yet.

This nursing home business bothers me for several reasons. One, we all know the reputation of the nursing home industry as a whole. Two, there is the issue of infection control. And three, Barbara cannot tolerate much heat at all. With the meds she takes, she gets very hot, and very weak when she is hot. This is a problem because old folks seem to love heat. There is one room where they take her for rehab that is like an oven. Yet, they say that their older patients complain about it being cold. This will be a big problem. Her nerves are also on edge, and she finds noise to be extraordinarily grating. If she has to share a room, TV will also be a problem... she cannot abide trash TV (nor can I), and most evening fare now scares her for some reason.

So, I guess you can see how I need for you to pray for us today. Pray that we will make the right decision, and that Barbara will thrive and not regress,

Pray for my anxiety levels that I will be calm,

Pray for Jackie as she comes to visit this weekend.

Thanks again to all of you. You're the best! We love you all.

March 4

2007-03-04T23:59:00.000-06:00

Sitting here late in the evening I realize I haven't updated you in several days.

Sunday's always a slower day for Barbara. Thanks to our Associate Pastor Brian Jones, who is handling our evening worship service at GFM, I am able to spend the rest of the day at the hospital after morning activities and lunch.

As the day progressed today, she complained more and more about feeling sick. She had some nasty stomach pains. She also has an infection that they're trying to keep under control. Anytime they mention infection, my mind immediately goes back to those scary days in intensive care at Methodist.

I got a different cell phone this week that has one of those ear piece gizmos so that Barbara can now talk to people without me holding the phone. This is a real blessing. She talked with Jackie over an hour today! How wonderful that was. Jackie will be with us next weekend, but unfortunately, Peter won't be along this time. It will be so great to have her here, and I'm sure she's really excited to see how well Barbara has progressed.

It's been a big week, from my excitement early on to special visits and a lot of work at the house. Thanks so much to my dad and Sharon for coming and helping me start the process of preparing the house for Barb's return. Still MUCH work to be done. Also, among those visiting were Lucas and Fayth, 2 kids from GFM. They both pretended to be shy, although managing to sing a song together. Then, Fayth soloed on another song and really belted it out! I've asked her to sing for us next Sunday morning.

The biggest challenge of the week ahead will be when they stand Barbara up for the first time with help of some kind of lift. I am continually amazed at the progress on her arms and hands. She can now do Sodoku puzzles and blow her own nose. Hey - don't laugh - that's big stuff. OK, go ahead and laugh!

Pray that Barbara and I will not get sick as we continue steps towards normalcy (whatever that is),

Pray that her strength and stamina will increase many times over this week,

Pray that her infection will clear QUICKLY,

Pray for Jackie as she travels here, and Peter as he presses on forlornly without her (also pray for Peter and Jackie as they purchase a different car to replace the one Peter "totaled" on icy roads),

Pray that things will progress well as we try to figure out how to make the house more handicap ready.

March 1 - In like a lion

2007-03-01T09:41:00.000-06:00

Wow, that was some thunderstorm we had here last night.

Just a brief update here to let you know that things are going well for Barbara in rehab. With the exception of just a few, the nurses and aids at St. Catherine's rehab have been wonderful to Barbara. I may have mentioned this before, but Barbara does a wonderful job of using that charm and beautiful smile of hers to win over her helpers. Despite the fact that she can be a bit difficult at times (who wouldn't be in her situation?), she wins the hearts of most of the health care professionals who attend to her. Pray that she will be able to bat a thousand on this... there are a few that have been very inconsiderate. Overall, though, our experience has been very good.

Yesterday, Barbara was sat up in a tall, supportive wheel chair, and taken to the gym for therapy. She is literally growing stronger every day! The other day, she actually called me on the phone by herself!!! Praise God!!! Wow!!! She can also brush her teeth with some assistance.

To follow up on my health situation, I saw our nurse practitioner yesterday, and she confirmed that the episode that landed me in the emergency room was indeed an anxiety (or panic) attack. Also, I have a pretty nasty sinus infection. However, I am working with Barbara to create a plan that is beneficial to both of us to protect my health as I care for her. I must say, I have been quite blessed not to have gotten bed-hugging sick since this whole thing started. Since Barbara now stays occupied all morning with rehab, I will now wait until after lunch to go be with her. I will also plan to take more days off. Right now, the critical need is to prepare the home for her return. I continue to plead with anyone who might be able to be of assistance that your help on remodeling the bathroom she will use, or the provision of materials, would be of great assistance.

Pray that Barbara will astound her therapists and begin to make great strides (including the walking kind!),

Pray that God will help her to stay occupied on the days I'm away,

Pray that my health will improve, and for no more anxiety attacks. Those bad boys aren't pleasant.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family to support me. Not just a blood family, but my "in the blood" family here at GFM and beyond. You are all a treasure to me. Last night in our Bible study of Acts, we delved into the 16th chapter and discussed Lydia's conversion and the jailhouse rock experience of Paul and Silas. Let me encourage you not to just skip though stories like these, but dig deeply... there's stuff there that can be easily missed. We become so fascinated by the story, that it's possible to miss the message. The thing that really spoke to my heart is that the jailer washed Paul and Silas' wounds, and then he and his household were baptized. It makes sense to understand that both actions happened in the same water. That is how real healing takes place. Our source of all healing, spiritual, emotional, and physical is one water. And we work as agents of the Lord to be a part of each other's healing. Paul and Silas baptized the jailer's family, and the the jailer cleansed the missionaries' wounds. All in one water. Does that move you like it moves me? Just fantastic stuff.

February 26

2007-02-26T22:59:00.000-06:00

Life is just one adventure after another, is it now?

In a fit of jealous rage that Barbara got to be in the hospital, I myself endeavored to get myself committed this evening. Or, something like that.

Actually, after a rather stressful day, late this afternoon I begin having difficulty breathing. A blast from my asthma inhaler didn't help, and my chest continued to tighten. I finally got to the point where I couldn't hardly breathe, and I was very dizzy and disoriented. Barbara's nurse came in the room and quickly got me into a wheel chair and took me to the emergency room. I got to put on one of those nifty little hospital gowns (actually, somebody put it on me). Next, thanks to their concern about my heart, a needle was stuck into my hand. I had forgotten just how much those stupid things hurt, and that they don't stop hurting. They strapped me up to some oxygen, and then after x-rays, blood tests, and EKG, and 3 hours, they determined that I was one healthy young horse. Of course, it is always quite satisfying to be reminded that here in my early 40s, that I am indeed still young. Take that all you young of age that believe me to be among the geiserly. The very nice doctor who attended to me believes I had an anxiety attack. I'm supposed to check in with my family doc in the next couple of days (hear that, Karen?). The primary after effect that I still have this evening are 2 very sore back-of hands, and a couple of really sore, sticky, bald patches on my chest from ripping off EKG patches loaded with chest hair. Remind me to never get sick like that again.

Incidentally, speaking of being young... as I write this, I have on late night TV, and one of those overly angst-ridden young bands in on the air. Note to young artists: find some new shtick. The angst-ridden young hipster dude with the toboggan cap and low riding jeans act is getting a bit old.

But I digress.

The real intent here is to update you on Barbara's condition (hence the title, "How's Barbara Doing?"). Today we learned that the target date for Barbara to go home is March 14. Much to Barbara's dismay, the plan for her rehab assumes that she will still need something called "max assist" at home. This does not assume that our dog Max will make her well with the homeopathic curative ability of dog spit, applied with generous dog kisses. (I'm beginning to think by oxygen deprivation has affected my brain tonight. Either that, or I'm really, really tired.) The deal on Barbara is that they believe she will likely need a hospital bed at home, and will not be able to do much on her own. This news distressed her, but then I encouraged her that merely by surviving, she outperformed most doctors' expectations for her. We are also clinging to my prayer of early on that should God choose to heal her earthly body, that He would do it all the way. So, Barbara is determined to overcome all obstacles. Pray for us still, please!

*** HELP *** HELP *** HELP ***

Here's where we need prayers and more. We now face bringing Barbara back to a parsonage that is not at all handicap accessible. In fact, our home is a quad level, and we basically live on one floor where we have used the family room as a bedroom as well. There is a small bath with shower on this level. However, the door is not wide enough for a wheel chair, and the shower is approximately 6 inches or so off of the ground. In short, we need a bathroom that is equipped to accommodate Barbara's additional handicaps as she (hopefully and prayerfully) recoups over the months ahead. While our church people are extraordinarily loving, we are struggling with a gigantic financial crisis, and resources are few. If you, or someone you know, would be willing to help us come up with a quick plan, or would be willing to donate materials, would you be so kind as to contact me right away? I really don't want to leave my cell phone number here, but if you know me, I'm sure you also know someone who could get it to you.

Likewise, I'm going to need home health care help. Frankly, I'm concerned about going bankrupt from bills as it is, and I don't have any foreseeable resources to pay for help. While Medicare will provide a visiting nurse for 3 days a week, I will likely need much more help. If you, or someone you know, would be interested in pursuing a conversation about helping with Barbara's at-home care, would you contact me?

Wow, I've just asked for a lot there. I'm not the kind that can easily ask for help, but I'm at the end of my ability to know how to resolve these issues. If you cannot help with resources, you can help with prayer. Prayer is a mighty thing, and we serve a mighty God.

February 23

2007-02-23T22:00:00.000-06:00

Whew... I needed this. A better day. Prayers have been answered. Thanks for remembering us after my outcry yesterday!

Barbara was in much better spirits today, and was eating a little food. This is quite a load off of my mind. I have learned that one of the doctors which we have come to really appreciate thinks that symptoms such as depression, low bp, and chest pains are indicative of steroid withdrawal of sorts. Her steroid (administered to fight arthritis - while it is not safe, it is not the same type of steroid that athletes illegally take) had been increased during her illness for various reasons. The levels were just recently brought back to pre-surgery levels. It could be that her body needs a little more of the med right now, so blood tests are being done. Granted, this is a bit of a confusing area, but at least I now believe we're on to something.

The wrap was removed from her stoma today (where the trache had been in her throat). The respiratory doctor said that it had closed - although it is still healing - and that it should now be given air. I was quite impressed how well it looked.

Also, good news concerning the debridement on the back of her head (the LARGE area cut away due to a serious pressure wound). I reluctantly looked at it again today while it was being cleaned, and I was amazed at how well it was healing. I can't say it looked good (it is still mighty, mighty gross), but it is definitely healing.

Now let me address her stay at Rehabcare in St. Catherine's Hospital at East Chicago. One point I didn't think to make in yesterday's entry that was pertinent in our decision to move her now to rehab is this: certainly RIC is excellent, and we may still send her there... but the place where we've sent her is very, very good. What is the difference between very, very good and excellent? One day quicker recoup? We don't know. However, I am prepared to say as of tonight (with Barbara's full agreement), we believe she is now in a wonderful facility. I am extremely impressed with St. Cat's hospital... I never expected to find such a nice facility in East Chicago! The staff here has been worlds better than anything we encountered at Select in Hammond. The doctors who are attending her are compassionate and caring. We have retained the respiratory doctors that saw her at Select, and they are great. Also, she will continue with the rheumatologist (sp?) who has been attending to her up here since the surgery. The nurses here are efficient and attentive. She even has choices on her meals now. Her private room is comfy and homey, and as nice as many hotel rooms we've stayed in. The facility is very modern and appears to be recently remodeled. Another plus is that my drive is a breeze - and only 12-15 minutes travel time.

Can you tell I'm much happier this evening? Thanks again for your prayers. Keep up with us, though, we still have some tough days ahead.

Pray that the steroid issue is resolved,

Pray that Barbara's appetite gets better,

Pray that her therapy will progress well.

February 22

2007-02-22T21:29:00.000-06:00

We have settled in now at the Rehabcare unit at St. Catherine's hospital in East Chicago. RIC is not out of the picture, but we're really tired of being jerked around while Barbara needs rehab and insurance days are running out. One day they told us they would have a bed on March 1st, then it was Feb. 22. Or 24. But they couldn't commit to any of those days. It seems that patients at Northwestern University hospital get priority, as well as headline cases from around the US. You don't get to be the number one place in the country without having a big waiting list. I'm not soured on RIC so much as I am on the empty promises. If a bed does indeed become available for sure (and how will we ever know that?), we will reevaluate at that time.

I think we're pleased with our initial experience at St. Cat rehab. The staff seems to be fine, and I believe that Barbara will receive good care.

Several have questioned this decision, but the fact is that Barbara needs to begin rehab, we are running out of insurance days, and RIC won't commit to anything. While I have spoken to RIC, the idea that I could push them into accepting us is akin to the idea that I could persuade the president to absolve me from any future tax debt.

One plus that we now experience is that Barbara continues to have a private room. This is good for several reasons. She gets hot quite easily due to her meds, so a cool room is needed. Also, certain TV show spook her, and a roommate who constantly watches TV would drive her crazy. Plus, a roommate would mean the introduction of additional sources of potential infection. RIC does not offer average folks like us a private room.

Perhaps the overriding issue is that emotionally speaking, this has been a rough couple of days for Barbara. She is basically refusing to eat, and has been very depressed at being cooped up in a hospital room. Some days are good, and others aren't, but I would appreciate your prayers that she will experience a super-natural renewal of mind and spirit. I need your prayers too, because these days are very hard on me for a number of reasons.

I am really struggling to write tonight. I'm just frazzled, so I think I'm going to simply cut out here. Just keep us in your prayers - things have been progressing, and I don't want anything to mess that up.

Oh - if you can possibly visit, I assure you that your visits cheer her up and help her emotionally. Please consider popping in. If you want, you can call me on my cell first to make sure she isn't in therapy.

February 21: Rehab Update

2007-02-21T13:21:00.000-06:00

Hi. This is Jackie again. It's been a while since writing. Since I have not been in Indiana with Mom and Dad, I haven't really had much to contribute. Today I am writing this to relay some information Dad told me this morning.

Apparently Mom is being transferred to a rehab facility in East Chicago TODAY at around 3:30pm. I am unaware of the name of the hospital it is attached to, but it is in East Chicago and possibly even closer of a drive for Dad to get there than the facility she is currently in! Praise the Lord! The wait with RIC and all the mixed information they were giving became too much. We all think it is the best decision to get her into rehab sooner than later, especially with the limited amount of time we're working with. It will be great to know she'll be starting to become more active and possibly making larger and larger leaps in progress every day!

I am eagerly awaiting my visit to Northern Indiana planned for March 9-13. I am oh-so ready to see Mom and to talk to her face to face (it has actually been since September that I've gotten to do that). I am prepared to be completely overwhelmed at the progress she has made and to praise God for it!

February 20 - Will this ever end?!?!

2007-02-20T22:11:00.000-06:00

Sorry it's been a few days since posting. Don't know what to say. Ever been so frustrated that you didn't know what to say? Frankly, I'm at the point where I get agitated easily just by discussing what is going on. I'm not sure I know up from down right now!

As you probably already know, Barbara's trache was removed last Thursday. Her throat is healing very nicely. Great! Also, the wound area from the back of her head is also healing. However, the massive size of it means that it will take a LONG time to return to normal. I am very pleased that Barbara continues to make progress moving. She used her hands and arms to gesture while talking to someone today, and didn't even realize she was doing it! She's also starting to be able to use a remote control a little - although it's hard for her. During physical therapy, she was able to slowly eek her legs towards the edge of the bed for them to set her up for a while. These are all wonderful things.

I'm am very grateful to God for the way He has helped Barbara; but I don't praise Him because of her progress. I simply praise Him anyway. Progress or not, He is still too great for words. I can say that without being disingenuous because we still face some overwhelming problems in all of this mess.

Barbara's blood pressure has been low, at times frighteningly low, over the past several days. She felt really lousy today, and it's pretty scary to see how how she dips at times. It's upsetting that we can't seem to get a plan of attack from anyone as to how to deal with this issue.

Also, we're both quite frustrated with the length of time this whole ordeal is taking. She is more than ready to be home, and I am more than ready to have her here. Oh, you're right, it could be worse. But when you get to the end of your patience and endurance, there aren't many places left to go. I have heard so many people say that God doesn't give us more than we can endure. Well, that didn't keep Job from complaining at length, and I plan to proceed in proper Biblical fashion! Not that that we have it as bad as Job, and not that I'm not really, really tired of hearing him used as an example. It just seemed a perfectly polemic thing to say.

As for Barbara moving to rehab... oh, am I ever getting tired of this mess. Whereas there was supposed to be a bed waiting for Barbara at RIC, we now learn that they won't have a place for her until the first of March. See, here's where I'm getting a bit whoofed. This place seems to throw us one delay after another, all the while we are running out of days that insurance will pay. We are now into Barbara's non-regenerating lifetime days (about 50 left), and once they're gone, I guess it comes out of our pocket. Yeah right. 50 days may seem like a lot, but 1) I don't like the idea of her using all of them up, and 2) she still has a long way to go. I hope to get some better answers from RIC, but in the meantime, we are talking with other area hospital rehabs about possible interim or maybe indefinite care. There is at least one that I'm impressed with. But this whole mess is criving me drazy.

Sooooo, please pray that we will have wondrous and glorious clarity concerning the rehab messola,

Pray that Barbara's blood pressure will stabilize,

Pray that she will have excellent health care workers that will love her and have compassion for her.

I mention that last one because before I left this evening, they sent in the male nurse that doesn't speak much English that we told them was to never be her nurse again. I spoke to the charge nurse, but she was very dismissive. Pray that I keep my cool when I bring this up to the administration tomorrow.

Sorry for unloading so much tonight!

February 15

2007-02-15T23:48:00.000-06:00

Though it's hard to tell with the drifting, I'm guessing we got about 10 to 12 inches of snow here. I'm hearing from my family to the south that other parts of the state got ice. We just got the white fluffy stuff, and then more of it thanks to the lake effect. But no ice save for what packed up on the roads.

I was back with Barbara today and we shared a belated Valentines meal together. Or sort of. Anyway, it was nice being back together after a couple of days apart.

She is moving her arms a bit better, but has yet to develop the dexterity to do basic tasks with her hands.

Here's the biggest news of the day - she had her trache removed. It was remarkably quick and painless.

We may also be back on track to go to RIC. Insurance is beginning to become a bit of an issue at this point, as she is now using up non-regenerating lifetime days on Medicare. She has about 55 days left, and then they will pay no more, I understand.

So, pray that she will be moved quickly to RIC, and that recovery will speed right along, at long last,

Pray that there are no subsequent infections and a quick healing from the trache wound,

Continue to pray for healing of the massive head wound from the debridement,

And give plenty of thanks to God for how great He is, regardless of our circumstances.

February 13 - Snowed In

2007-02-13T14:02:00.000-06:00

Please keep Barbara in your prayers especially today. I am at home today due to the snow storm we're experiencing. We talked about this possibility yesterday, and she wanted me to stay home in such a circumstances as this.

However, upon speaking to her on the phone earlier, she told me that she is extremely bored and that this day has already seemed endlessly long. Please pray that:

- God will send staff people to comfort her,

- The staff will be attentive to her and help set up audio books or movies as needed,

- That she will rest,

- That her mind will be occupied with good things.

Thanks for your prayers today!

February 12 - Waiting For Snow, Walking On Ice

2007-02-12T21:06:00.000-06:00

At least the forecast isn't for 10 feet of snow. However, if the weather goonies are correct, we'll be blanketed with snow coupled with blizzard conditions tomorrow morning.

I have been stepping carefully these days, fearful of the ice. I feel the same way emotionally, as does Barbara. The longevity of this is really smacking us hard upside the head right now.

There's not a whole lot new to report. Barbara did have a wonderful weekend, and seemed to be a bit better emotionally. Today, however, she was quite down again, and that always effects me as well.

Thankfully, her vitals have been pretty good.

She is very upset that they're now giving her liquid nutrition directly into the stomach around the clock, since she's not eating enough.

We have yet to hear from RIC as to when the move will take place. You will be the first to know. OK, maybe not the first, but I'm sure you can deal with that!

Stay warm.

February 9 - update

2007-02-09T22:21:00.000-06:00

It ended up being today that Barbara had the procedure to implant a filter that will prevent other clots from moving into the lungs.

The nurses tell me that this procedure will actually be a help to getting Barbara into RIC, as they will want to make sure that the clot in her leg won't be an issue in the future. So, we once again believe that we're on track to move her next week. Time will tell.

Feburary 9 - The Third Step

2007-02-09T09:13:00.000-06:00

Two steps forward, three steps back.

Actually, it has been quite a while since Barbara has had a setback of any kind. The problem is that she needs to get out of the hospital so that these hospital related things will quit popping up. However, she can't get out of the hospital until they fix the hospital related problems! Make sense?

So now the deal is that Barbara's move to RIC (Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago) is on indefinite hold pending getting her through the present setback. They have discovered yet another blood clot in her leg, and one in her lung. While the blood clot in the lung is a VERY serious matter, the doctor believes that it is small enough that medical treatment should take care of it. On Monday, they will do a short procedure where they install a filter that will prevent future blood clots from entering the lungs. So for now, we are in a holding pattern and praying for healing of a serious situation.

Finding the clots was precipitated by a sporadic high heart rate and low blood pressure. As of yesterday, her blood pressure was still low, but her heart rate was good.

Barbara has been in a room by herself, but due to the fact that the hospital had a rush of new patients, she was moved to a private room. This is an answer to prayer, because we were concerned about the stress that dealing with a roommate, their TV viewing habits, and potential desire to keep the room too hot for Barbara. The hospital took the impetus to move her because they were concerned about those things, as well as the potential for infection due to her immuno-suppressed condition. We are thankful for this level of attentiveness.

So, please pray for the blood clot situation,

Pray that Barbara will soon be able to move to rehab, and that RIC will take her,

Pray for both of us as this is yet another challenge to our emotional well-being!

Thanks to all of you who kept me in your prayers as I traveled to Southern Illinois this week to keep my promise to Mary Robinson. She is the former parishioner who died in a house fire last week-end. She asked me on several occasions to perform her funeral, and I was determined to keep that promise despite road conditions that were a bit dicey at times. Thanks to Karen and Merle for housing me so that I wouldn't have to drive back in the dark (a bit concerned about hitting icy patches unaware). It was like a family reunion seeing so many of my dear friends from our years at Birds. They are all so very dear to Barbara and I, and we pray for them regularly. Our prayers continue to go out to Gene Robinson and the family. They are all very fine people. Gene is such a sweet, godly man. It breaks my heart for him to have lost everything like this. In saying "everything", I realize that there is one thing that no earthly tragedy can steal away; he still has faith in Christ that will sustain him. Praise God for our hope in Him!

Feburary 5 - News from the arctic north

2007-02-05T21:47:00.000-06:00

Sorry that I've not been as good about posting here. Not having internet access at the hospital, and my late night arrivals at home have made it difficult to keep you up to date!

First, I want to request your prayers for a tragedy that took the life of a very dear friend and former parishioner over the weekend. A fire destroyed the house and took the life of Mary Robinson, who was a member of my former church in Birds Illinois. Her husband Gene survived the blaze. These are two very, very dear people. They were godly influences to Barbara and I, as well as many others. Mary will be sadly missed, and my prayers are with Gene, the family, and all my friends from Birds FM. I'm also praying that God will strengthen my good friend, Pastor Roger Boyd, as he seeks to minister to this congregation in the aftermath of such a horrible event. That being said, I am overflowing with joy at the thought of Mary at home in Heaven with our Father tonight! Wow, what a victory!

Many of you have wondered if Barbara has been transferred to RIC (Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago) yet. No, she hasn't. It might happen tomorrow, but we don't know that for sure. They wanted some new blood tests done. I'm not sure what the hold-up is all about.

Barbara is now back to her old dosage level of steroid for the arthritis, and her pain is driving her crazy again. Also, her fibro myalgia has flared up.

Barbara underwent a test today concerning a possible complication, but I have no details to pass along yet. No need to be alarmed; it was done more as a precaution. However, pray that the results come back negative.

Please also pray that Barbara's head wound will heal quickly,

Pray that her pain will subside,

Pray for a safe and smooth transfer to rehab,

Pray for my safety on the road as I'll be driving all over the place in the days ahead.

Oh, also keep her in prayers that her heart rate and blood pressure will normalize.

And boy, is it cold!

Feburary 2 - This Day Just Keeps Repeating...

2007-02-02T22:40:00.000-06:00

OK, anyone get the pop culture reference in the title? Oh, never mind!

Before I go any further, since I'm not sure if I'll be doing an entry tomorrow, I must say... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER STEPHANIE who will be another year older tomorrow.

We received word today that Barbara will be transferred to Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago on Monday OR Tuesday. Here are a few quotes from their website that excite me about Barbara being able to go to this place:

"The Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago (RIC) has been designated a Model
System Spinal Cord Injury Center by the National Institute on Disability and
Rehabilitation Research (NIDRR) of the U.S. Department of Education for its
dedication to patient care and rehabilitation research."

"The Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago has been recognized as the "Best
Rehabilitation Hospital in America" since 1991 by U.S. News & World Report.
No other specialty hospital has been consecutively ranked the "Best" by U.S. News & World Report for so long. In 2003 RIC was also ranked as a "Best Hospital" in rheumatology for the fourth consecutive year."

One of the obvious issues here will be that I won't be able to be with her everyday. Although we aren't that far from downtown Chicago (where RIC is located), it is still about an hour drive. Not to mention the expense of either parking in downtown Chicago or taking the train. Barbara had hoped to be a bit more able to do things for herself before this move, and she's concerned about the boredom that comes along with immobility. However, it sounds like they may keep her quite busy. Her overriding desire to be able to walk and craft again has helped her better deal with her fears and anxieties.

Her heart rate has been a bit high. In the course of treating that, her blood pressure got pretty low as a side effect of the drug. It seems we've been through that discovery process before. Hmmmm.

Also, her fibro-myalgia is heating up again.

A neck x-ray was taken today to determine if it is time to remove the neck brace.

Please pray that Barbara's anxiety and depression will ease, and that the impending transfer will go very well,

Pray that her vitals will be stable,

Pray the wound area on the back of her head will heal well,

Pray that I will be able to be with her just the right amount of times,

And pray that Barbara will be able to walk soon!

It's interesting how mean-spirited the coverage of the impending super bowl is here in the Chicago media area. However, I have an insight that I'm quite certain many of you will vehemently disagree with (not to mention that linguists among you will disparage the fact that I ended a sentence with a preposition). Quite simply, I find this Super Bowl stuff to be appalling. After my years of living with Barbara's illness, I can't fathom why we celebrate the ritualistic and flagrant destroying of the human body. Any sport where the end result is that the better the player, the more devastated their body will be for life, is simply without merit. While you have people like my wife who would give anything for health, we go crazy over a sport that celebrates the destruction of the human body. But then, that's just my beef, and I'm sure if you look at my life you'd find areas where I'm hypocritical for making such a point! Then again, I've known very few people who are consistent. Still, if I hear one more story about "Da Bears" up here, I do believe I'll, uh, I'll... well I don't know what I'll do, but you can rest assured, I'll do it.

And that's the rest of the story.

January 31 - update

2007-01-31T14:32:00.000-06:00

I just received word that Barbara may actually be moved to RIC in Chicago this weekend. We will meet with a doctor tomorrow to discuss this further. She doesn't think she's ready to go yet... she wanted to be more mobile so that she could do some things for herself... so keep all of this in prayer.

January 31

2007-01-31T09:49:00.000-06:00

Judging from notes many of you have sent to me, you will be glad to know that I am sort of taking a day off today.

Barbara has been blessed to be assigned to some student nurses who give her extra attention. They will be coming in weekly. This will allow me to stay at home and work, which I suppose isn't really a day off, but it's helpful nonetheless. I really want to be with her (actually, I want her home!), but the daily grind of providing health care along with working on my laptop computer at the hospital has been quite stressing. So today I am at home and hope to finish the sermon for Sunday, get some laundry done, prepare the Bible study work for tonight, and maybe even sit around and play my guitar for a few moments. Woo-hoo.

I will share with you a blessing and a concern. First the blessing. Yesterday, while laying on her side and receiving a breathing treatment, I saw Barbara move her hand to her face to adjust the mask that was providing the albuterol. I was awe-struck; and yes, my mouth even fell open! Wow! I 'm not sure that she even realized she could do that. It may not seem like much to you, but take my word, this is a BIG improvement. The occupational therapists will soon begin to work with her on lifting a spoon to her mouth. In fact, she said that they made her wipe off a tray yesterday. It was exhausting for her, but a wonderful step towards regaining mobility.

The concern is the healing of the debridement of the pressure wound on the back of her head. I have no reason to think it isn't on its way to healing. And I feel certain that you don't want to know why this bothers me so much. Suffice it to say that this is a new and horrible experience for me, and I am having a difficult time processing it.

So, when in prayer for us, give thanks for Barbara's continuing and remarkable improvements,

Give thanks that I am now getting some time away to get work done,

And pray for the complete and total healing of the pressure wound area on the back of Barbara's head.

Once again, thanks for all your words of encouragement!

January 29

2007-01-29T12:08:00.000-06:00

Hello, this is Stephanie, Greg's sister. I first need to appologize to Greg and all who anxiously await a new posting for my delay in getting this written. I had the wonderful pleasure of spending most of the day Friday with Barb (hopefully allowing Greg to do whatever he needed to do, or to just sit on the couch and blank out for a while...as long as he had a break!!). I was thrilled to hear Barb's voice over the phone a few days before I was there. It was even more amazing to see her in person. It's hard and sometimes discouraging for her on a daily basis to track her own progress, but for me, after a month...wow!! Just to hear her speak words, have an ongoing conversation (that's what we did...talk and enjoy each other's company all day), and see the movement she has gained in her arms and legs was so encouraging to me. Hopefully I was able to encourage her as I listed all her progress I could see after a months absence from her. She is a very determined woman, and is working so hard to learn again the simple tasks of maneuvering a spoon to feed herself, hold a phone to her own ear, brush her teeth, and even chew food. I was reminded of God's handiwork in creating us, as we take for granted the many movements we make even in the matter of an hour of any given day. Even at night, to be able to re-position yourself when your uncomfortable, for most of us, is something that just comes automatically.

The caregivers that came in to assist throughout the day were so precious, and often brought tears to my eyes as they cheered her on through physical therapy, listened to her intently and did their best to meet the needs that she is unable to take care of by herself right now.

Things that come to my mind that are prompts for prayer for this situation:

-Pray for patience, understanding, and intuition for those caregivers, including Greg, as they assist Barb in her daily needs. Also, praise for them, that they are there doing their jobs well on a daily basis.

-Thanks that, as Greg previously stated, the surgical procedure on Barbs head went well and is over, as Barb was dreading getting this done.

-for Barb to continue persisting in such a determined way to build those muscles back, so that she can do tasks for herself.

-for miraculous repair of her joints, especially in her hands.

- This is a biggie to me: pray that as Carrie at Select, where Barb is, and Maria at Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago consult together, that both will advocate for the best continued care for Barb. Take a look at their site if you have a chance : www.ric.org . To me, it looks like the place for Barb to be next, but it's not my call, and there are a lot of things that need to fall into place just so. If this doesn't work out, I am also praying that God will send her to the place where she continues to be in the care of people with joyful spirits, gentle hands, and caring hearts.

Thanks so much. Our love goes out to all of you who are devoted to checking this site and kneel before Our Maker on behalf of Barbara, Greg and Jackie.

January 28

2007-01-28T23:22:00.000-06:00

A quick note to let you know that Barbara finally had her debridement surgery on Saturday morning. Everything went very well, and she related that the procedure wasn't bad at all. She had a sedative and a local, allowing her to doze off and on throughout the surgery. Tonight, as the nurse changed the dressing, she asked if I wanted to see the wound. I reluctantly did so, but immediately looked away. I'm sure you don't want the details, but I'll just say I'm amazed by what doesn't bother me on CSI, but does bother me in person... especially when it's my wife! Nevertheless, the nurse said that the would looked like it was healing very well.

January 26

2007-01-26T14:30:00.000-06:00

Many of you will be glad to know that I'm actually at home for much of today. My sister came up from Indy to sit with Barbara, so I am here concentrating on getting some things accomplished. That means laundry, finishing up for Sunday, and playing with the poor, neglected dog a bit! As for the latter, Max is quite thrilled to have my company. Aren't dogs great?! I once read somewhere that the finest Christian example someone had ever met... was their dog! Their capacity for perfect love and devotion is amazing!

Believe it or not, we are still awaiting Barbara's surgical procedure. It keeps getting put off, and we haven't even met the doc yet. Supposedly, it will happen today at 5:30, but I'm not holding my breath. I believe the procedure is called a "debridement", which is not at all pleasant sounding. Why can't they ever come up with pleasant sounding names for these things like a "cherrylollipopment" or "betterdayectomy"? It seems that they will give Barbara her choice of anesthesia, and she prefers a sedative and a local as opposed to being completely knocked out.

Thank you to all who have visited. Your words and encouragement have been a great healing balm to her. In fact, I will give it a name: your visits are a "pickeruptomy".

Well, if you'll pardon me, I have "laundryfolditis" and need a bid dose of "getupoffmyposteriorose".

Before I go, though, keep this in your prayers: Barbara's case worker is trying to get her approved to go to a rehab facility in Chicago once she is released from acute care. We've been told that this place is the top rehab unit in the country, and that they specialize in helping arthritis patients. Despite the fact that this next stop would make it impossible for me to visit her every day (Chicago is close, but thanks to traffic, it still takes an hour+ to get there), Barbara has said that she wants to go to the best place possible. She tells us over and over again that she just wants to walk and crochet again!

Also pray for today's procedure, should it actually happen,

And pray that Barbara will stay happy and non-anxiety-ridden.

By the way, she now has some student nurses who will be caring for her from time to time, and because of all the care she will be getting, as agreed that I don't have to be there for the whole day. That will be a tremendous relief for me. While many of you have counseled me about taking time off, you need to realize how unreceptive that Barbara has been to that idea. It's always easier to know how someone else should respond than to put it into action for one's own self! I think she also understands that I do indeed want to be with her, but that I need some time away for both rest, and constructive work. So, things are looking up a bit there as well.

January 24

2007-01-24T08:31:00.000-06:00

A quick note here this morning to let you know that while nothing has been confirmed, I'm thinking that this will be the day that Barbara has the surgical procedure to repair the pressure wound on the back of her head. The cardiologist saw her last night, and I believe that he thought she'd be good to go.

Barbara keeps asking if anyone has said they'd come and visit. She is terribly lonely and depressed (even with my wonderful daily presence!). If you get a chance to stop by and see her, I can ASSURE you that you will be instrumental in her healing. Thanks! She is in the Select Specialty Hospital area of St. Margaret's in Hammond. You can get her room number at the front desk for St. Margaret's... it's all the same building.

January 22

2007-01-22T23:26:00.000-06:00

Barbara and I have had a renaissance of sorts concerning our opinions of Select Special Hospital where we currently live. Today I spent considerable time in conversation with both the woman who oversees the staff and operations, and the CEO himself. I laid all my concerns out for them, including reports I'd heard from many of you. I have been impressed by the fact that they are willing to act decisively on all of our concerns. On top of that, the woman who oversees the operation took the time not only to rectify our problems, but proceeded to do an impromptu exam of Barbara's neck and collar after some concerns I expressed about the lack of care she was receiving in that area. Turns out the lady was a former nuero-surgical nurse. What she discovered horrified us completely. It seems that Barbara has a pressure sore on the back of her head the size of a fifty cent piece. Due to its nature, it could be determined that it pre-dated her arrival at Select. I could gross you out with details, but suffice it to say, we were very angry about it. It also hurts me to know that this wound goes back to nurses who in other ways gave such superior care. So, to make a long story longer, she will need a surgical procedure to remove damaged tissue and clean the wound. It won't be major surgery, but it will mean Barbara will once again have to be sedated. So, a cardiologist will visit to clear her heart for another challenge. Originally the procedure was to be done on Tuesday, but it looks like we're talking Wednesday or later now. The good part is, this type of problem supposedly heals quickly, and it is good that it was discovered before getting even worse.

Otherwise, Barbara continues to make good progress. Her therapy people have been excellent. She had had some very good nurses and aids. She even ate "solid" food today.

Please pray for the impending surgical procedure,

Pray that her stomach and digestive system will begin to behave,

Pray that she is able to eat the amount of nutrition she needs without need for more of that nasty liquid stuff to be pumped into her stomach,

Pray that ol' Greg here will have the patience to feed her over the course of the 2 hours it presently takes her to eat her small amount of food!

As you can tell, dear ol' Greg is getting testier by the day. While it is impossible for Barbara to understand this, and despite the fact that I want to be with her, the demands of spending all this time with her are wearing me to a frazzle. I feel like I haven't had a day off in months. Here's something else that has revealed itself to me. Remember how in earlier updates I'd mentioned that I now better understand the concept of being one flesh? Well, I have been amazed at how ignorant both health care professionals and other well-meaning people can be to all the ramifications of this. You see - while Barbara definitely has the worst end of the deal, I am right there with her on the worst end! I say this not to invite you all to a pity party, but rather, to help us all better understand the role of someone who comes along beside a loved one who is hurting. I can't tell you how many people have chided me for expressing my own frustrations. They say things like, "Well, at least you don't have to put up with what she is going through." That is a very untrue and uninformed way of thinking. Those of you who have been in my shoes know exactly what I'm saying. Can I get an amen?!?! I will elaborate more on this subject in the future; perhaps I'll write a book on it. I'm not kidding about that - I truly intend to write this stuff down. It's too important to allow it to turn to vapor.

PS - In case you need further clarification, Barbara is currently at Select Specialty Hospital which is located inside St. Margaret's Hospital in Hammond.

January 20 - Exclamation Marks

2007-01-20T23:18:00.000-06:00

I sure miss having internet access at the hospital; it's a bit more difficult to focus on creating an entry at the end of a tiring day. Much has occurred since my last entry, though, and you'll want to read on for some wonderful news.

First, though, on the issue of the hospital where Barbara is staying. While there continues to be some rough places in our road, my ongoing presence there and ongoing conversations with those in charge have actually yielded some positive results. I toured a few other facilities, and looked into several others, but we have finally come to the decision that unless things just go absolutely haywire on us, we are going to stand pat for now. I still resent being told that I had no choice in where Barbara would be placed. And, I've found out I was lied to and bullied by the people who dismissed Barbara from Methodist. Further, Select Specialty Hospitals does indeed have a bad reputation in the area. Still, you have prayed that God would give us wisdom, as have we, and it seems best not to roll the dice and hope for something better at this time. Things have actually gotten better for us. She has had good nursing care. We have begun to establish good relationships with several of the nurses and aids (I work very hard at this - when someone is good, I compliment them - when they show compassion, I lavish praise on them - these things work). Also, her therapists have actually been excellent. Whenever we encounter someone who is not doing their job the way we think it should be done, we've complained, and we've gotten results. I could expound at much more length on this subject, but suffice it to say I am satisfied that they are taking steps to accommodate our needs. Plus, moving Barbara now would actually be a step backwards because we'd have to acclimate new doctors and staff, and everyone would want to start at ground zero with her just as they did in the move from Methodist to Hammond. Keep us in prayer on this matter. As you can tell, it is a tough row to hoe. Also, we're not at all pleased with her primary doctor overseeing her care, so pray that we will know how to deal with that matter next.

On to more uplifting things. This has been a remarkable week of progress, thanks to some wonderful, caring therapists. Barbara's trache was reduced in size, and she was given a speaking valve. For the first time in a long time, she can now talk to us!!!! I really can't use enough exclamation marks to convey our happiness!!!! !!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !! And making this even more exciting, today they capped off her trache to allow her to breathe totally through her nose. Most patients last about 10-15 minutes their first time doing this. Barbara, on the other hand, lasted all day and was still capped when I left and breathing 100%!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the final step towards removing the trache altogether!!!!! Yesterday she was took the "Cookie Test" (that is the actual name of the procedure) where she is x-rayed while eating items of various consistencies laced with barium (yes, including cookies). I got to sit in the viewing room and watch the screen during the process. It was a extraordinary event - quite an awesome thing to see. She passed with flying colors. This means she has been okayed to eat, and has been doing so!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her diet this weekend is all pureed food - and despite its gross yucky consistency, she has enjoyed the food. Her first meal include mushed up peas, and she was thrilled. Peas are a favorite of hers. One interesting side note. While observing the x-ray, I got my first really good look at the hardware that was placed in her neck. It was gruesome, dude! I knew she had extensive surgery - but I was still shocked at seeing it all showing up so plainly on the screen, screws and all. I think she will now become a recurring character on X-Men movies.

I hope I have communicated all this well through my tiredness. Please don't let up on the prayers - we still have bridges to cross. She desperately wants to walk again, and has been stymied just a bit by the blood clot.

January 17 - More Mountains To Climb

2007-01-17T22:00:00.000-06:00

Healthcare sure is like a box of microphone cables. I can use that metaphor because, being a live sound/recording enthusiast, I know what happens when you throw mic cables together in a box. No matter how neatly you place them, they will magically, mysteriously tangle and knot themselves together. That's healthcare for ya. I am still researching and investigating and touring and talking to various alternates for Barbara's care. I have no answers yet. Pray for me. Pray for WISDOM.

So today I'm told that Barbara has a blood clot in her right leg. Plus a bladder infection. Plus a likely inner ear infection (or, at the very least, fluid retention). Pile it all on, baby, pile it on! She has had a low grade temp on and off, probably due to the infection. Oh, how I hate that word! I know how infections nearly killed her, and I hate to think of her developing more.

She has also had more anxiety issues. And that digestive system is still a colossal mess.

Is Greg being Mr. Pessimism this evening? Actually, no. I'm getting ready to eat a piece of the best Pecan pie in the world courtesy Karen Armstrong from Birds, who along with husband Merle, came to visit this past weekend. Karen is a fantastic cook, and her pecan pie rules. I must stay that I have been privileged to consume some great food from some wonderful ladies here at GFM. I have been treated well.

Let me throw one more prayer request your way. My people here have been wonderfully gracious to allow me to attend to Barbara over these months. While endeavoring to serve them as best I can under the circumstances, sermon preparation has been quite difficult. I have been convinced that God wants me to continue weekly sermon prep work as a spiritual discipline. So I trudge on.

January 15

2007-01-16T21:21:00.000-06:00

I don't believe in "luck", but if I did, I'd feel like a lucky man. I prefer to think of it as blessed, though. I am truly, truly blessed. I'm blessed to know you (a bit presumptuous, of course, but I assume I know most if not all of you). I am blessed to have your prayers. I am blessed to have your friendship. I am blessed to have your encouragement. And, I am blessed to have your expertise. Remember, whenever you do something out of love, whenever you do something right, whenever you do something noble, you are ministering Jesus. Even if you don't ever mention His Name, you are still His hands at work. And that is how the blessing of many blesses one, and in turn blesses many. It's a bit late, and I have a whomping headache, but I hope I am saying all of that in a manner that makes sense. I want you to see the awesome power you have at your fingertips when you bless someone by doing what is right.

After my last entry, many of you rushed to our aid both in prayer and in action. I have learned that the actions taken in dismissing Barbara and moving her to Select care was at the least unethical, and even more so, unlawful. It's a long story, but it has led to two angels that God has sent to help us do what is right. But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself.

Our experience at Select in Hammond has been spotty at best. There have certainly been a few bright spots, but there have been more things going wrong than I can chronicle here. I am so thankful that God has sent two particular angels who are helping us do the right thing for Barbara. I don't want to mention their names because both are practicing in the medical field, and I don't wish to complicate their lives. Suffice it to say they are ministering to our needs with mercy and justice, which means they are being Christ to us.

I will keep you apprised as best I can as to how things progress over the days ahead. Barbara has communicated to me that she definitely wants to be moved, so we will pursue doing so. Please keep us in your prayers.

Barbara has been having increased anxiety attacks, and her digestive system is still a real mess. She has been running a temperature off and on today, and is complaining of numbness throughout her body. On the other hand, her breathing just keeps getting better and better. I think she could breathe well without the extra oxygen. Oh, one other thing to mention. Her hearing has gotten really bad, and the doctors at Select say its not from earwax. They have supposedly called a specialist to look at her ears, but we've been waiting two days and have never seen such a person.

So, please pray for both of us that we will make wise decisions, that we will have the mind of God,

Pray that our "angels" will also have that wisdom as they guide us to rectify this bad situation,

Pray that Barbara's health issues resolve,

And pray again that she will be well enough to be able to handle the arduous trip to Jackie and Peter's wedding in May (something that is a real concern - and at her present rate, I have to admit that I have doubts that she can make the trip - but I have enough faith to believe God is big enough to do the work!).

A final note... Barbara is very determined to walk and to crochet again! She is working hard and has inspired me!

Let's all share the wonderful blessings of God with others. Who can you be Jesus to today?

January 14

2007-01-14T21:57:00.000-06:00

As of Friday evening, Barbara has been relocated to Select Specialty Hospital located at St. Margaret's Hospital in Hammond. This has been a very trying and emotional weekend, and I'm a bit frazzled tonight.

Unfortunately, there is no wi-fi at her new location, so I am unable to update as easily as before.

Health-wise, Barbara continues to do better. She has been off the respirator for several days, and now receives only an oxygen flow through the trache. Her vitals seem to be good, except that she will occasionally run a very slight temperature. Her digestive system problems persist.

Here's the thing - I am very, very angry over how this move happened. I got to Methodist Hospital late on Friday due to my participation in our 24 Hours of Prayer at GFM. I was informed that a doctor who was NOT the one over-seeing Barbara's care had declared her to be ready to leave the hospital. Without saying a word to me or anyone else, they informed insurance, who in turn said she had to go.

I should back up just a bit by saying we were told it would be a week or so before Barbara moved. They assured me that she would not be dismissed to go to the next level of care until her digestive system problems had been cleared up. Further, she was to be moved to a different ward there at Methodist before the move as well.

So on Friday, we were told that she was moving, that we had no say in where she was going, and that we could no longer use the doctors who had been caring for her in any way.

I realize I'm over-protective, but after having nearly lost her several times, and knowing all that we've been through, I don't take this stuff lightly. I'm also quite displeased with several things that have happened to Barbara since arriving at the new place. The new doctors don't have a clue what is going on with her, and don't seem to care much. They don't even know how to care for her neck surgery. Mind you, some of the nurses are fine. But last night she was given a nurse that, get this, couldn't even speak much English. This was affirmed to us by other nurses.

I have assurances from the lady who oversees this hospital that she will meet with us on Monday to discuss our concerns and issues. She also told me that Dr. Rifai could get "privileges" if he was willing to come all the way over to Hammond. I hope the meeting goes well. She seemed nice enough on the phone.

I am very quickly moving from mild mannered, easy-going Greg to a person who will not be very pleasant to deal with if things don't take a turn for the better, and if I don't get some clear answers as to how this all could have happened like this. Thankfully, I have several "bulldogs" on my team as well willing to help me should I have the need to unleash them. Frankly, I find the whole idea of being confrontational rather reprehensible and contrary to the pattern I endeavor to maintain as a pastor. On the other hand, I will look out for the well being of the precious angel that God has entrusted to my care. I have been assured by several of my godly parishioners that I am on the right track. However, I would appreciate your prayers on this matter. Pray that God will give me WISDOM.

Pray that Barbara will continue on a good path.

Pray that those who care for her will love her like the nurses at Methodist seemed to love her.

I left her in the care of a woman tonight who, unknowing that I was a pastor, happened to mention her church to us almost first thing. I felt like that was an assurance from God that things would go well with this lady. She seemed quite caring, so I am very hopeful.

But please continue to pray. Just pray.

January 12 MOVING DAY

2007-01-12T15:07:00.000-06:00

I came in today to find they're kicking us out. So to speak. Barbara is being moved to a long term care facility in Hammond, located at St. Margaret's Hospital. There's probably a lot to tell, but this is a busy and hectic day, so I will fill you in more later. By this evening, she should be located there.

January 11

2007-01-11T10:18:00.000-06:00

We are back in the step down unit, and things continue to progress. I was excited to come in this morning and find that Barbara's respirator is shut off, and she only has an oxygen mask attached to her trache. She will still receive slight assist at night, but I've been told that even with that in place, she is still breathing all on her own. Wow! That's great!

Without going into all the details of things that can make a long term hospital stay so unpleasant, I will simply say that she is also making good progress in other areas of well being.

I continue to be very concerned about her slow progress in moving her body. She can move her arms and legs to a degree, but she has little strength. Long term physical therapy will be crucial. However, my concerns go deep in several areas pertaining to this factor. There is Jackie and Peter's wedding in May. And, I realize that I am ill equipped to give her the level of care she still requires. Taking care of someone in her present state is practically a full time job. So, I trust you'll be at prayer with us concerning this issue.

I've had a number of you remark about how you've been inspired by some of the things you've read here. Let me tell you what it is, in case you don't know. It's the incredible power of the Holy Spirit of God ministering to your heart and speaking to you as you have need to hear. I can't take credit for any sign of strength or any word of significance you read here. So if anything speaks to your heart, I would encourage you to recognize that you are witnessing the fingerprint of God. He loves us all so much that He uses the feeble words and efforts of man to trigger powerful things in the heart.

The speech therapist was just now in the room, and Barbara is making good progress with her speaking valve for the trache. She is ready to go home today! I hope to find out more details soon on what long term care facility she'll be moved to after she is dismissed. The day is rapidly approaching, I suspect.

Today, pray about Barbara's physical healing so that she can move her hands, make those beautiful afghans she makes, and so that she can walk again,

And pray for the healing of her digestive system.

Don't forget to give praise, too.

This Friday and Saturday, my church is embarking on another 24 Hours of Prayer. We'll have someone at the church praying every hour for 24 hours in a row. If you think you couldn't pray for an hour straight, then you're not alone. However, with a few proper prayer starters, our people have found that not only can they pray for an hour... some even stay and pray for 2 or 3 hours! Even in the middle of the night! If you'd like more details on how we do this for your church, I'd encourage you to get in contact with me. It's very much worth doing. We've actually had a teen accept Jesus during one of these events. And the weeks after always are charged with power. There have always been definable "miracles", if you will, associated with this event. It is also a valuable occasion for fasting should the Spirit lead you in that direction.

May God bless you richly so that many others may be blessed richly.

January 10 - Deja Room

2007-01-10T14:19:00.000-06:00

Once again, we will be heading out of intensive care and back to the step-down unit. You might recall that Barbara's return to NICU was not due to a return to critical condition, rather, the need for monitoring her blood pressure and vent-weening process more closely. We should be moved back at some point this afternoon. She continues to breathe on her own during the day, receiving only a flow of oxygen from the vent. At night she returns to some vent assist because the process if so tiring. We are in foreseeable reach of being able to move her to a long-term care facility for rehab. It will be much easier to find a place if she is off of the vent.

One other note. We just received word that Jackie was able to get into the class at UK that she needs to finish her masters work by this spring. Thanks for your prayers!

I will keep this brief, as it is a busy day for me!

January 8 - More Good News

2007-01-08T15:50:00.000-06:00

For the past two days, Barbara has been breathing on her own during the day with no respirator assist! She will receive assist overnight, as regaining your breathing ability is a very tiring process. She can also speak from time to time with the assist of a special valve. This too is very tiring. It's all a part of the weening process that will eventually completely free her from the respirator. Accomplishing this will open up a broader spectrum of possibilities for rehabilitation placement. She will need a lot of physical therapy (along with help getting her brain back in full working order) for a long period of time, probably well into the days that she is finally home.

This is a big concern to me. I realize that I can't possibly give her the care she needs at home. Especially if she continues to be physically debilitated for an extended period of time. Please be at prayer that God will be at work through this process.

We really need to see her digestive system up and working again, too. This has been an extremely puzzling problem for us and the doctors.

Another thing that has concerned Barbara, believe it or not, is the fact that she is experiencing no arthritis related pain. This seems like a good thing, and I am thankful for her break from pain. But she's also concerned that it may indicate a long term paralysis situation that would not be good. My prayer is that God has used this experience to heal her of the arthritis!

So, please join us in praying today that her digestive system kicks back into gear,

Pray that her brain sharpens more everyday,

Pray that her paralysis subsides but that the arthritis is gone (!!! wow !!! wouldn't that be great? !!! BIG PRAYER ALERT, BIG PRAYER ALERT !!!)

Pray that she continues to receive excellent nursing care as she is stepped down from intensive care.

By the way, we anticipate that she'll be moved back to the step down unit tomorrow. Her blood pressure and heart rate has been very good this past weekend.

I have been praying for the physical (and spiritual) needs of the husbands of two different nurses we've had here. If you feel inclined to pray for them, God will know the need!

January 6: Need a faith boost today?

2007-01-06T11:44:00.000-06:00

Let me just share with you about how our Lord answers prayer.

Yesterday I was talking with the nurse about some medical situations and trying to remember what doctor was treating which area. As she looked over Barbara's list of docs, she said, "Boy, you really have a 'dream team'" here. It's something that I'd heard before, but it was a great reminder of how God answered all of our prayers even before we prayed them! You see, the neuro-surgeon, Dr. Rifai, is in high demand, and there is literally a long list of people waiting to see him. But, thanks to having Karen Johnson, a wonderful Christian lady, as our nurse practitioner (basically our "family doctor"), she was able to quickly get Barbara's health issue to Dr. Rifai, who in turn insisted on seeing Barbara immediately. Then, Dr. Rifai hand picked the best doctors to attend to her other areas of need. Also, Dr. Rifai has taken Barbara's care personally, and has treated us as if we were his own family.

The point of all this is to assure you that God is so big, so awesome, and so un-restrained by time that He could answer all of our prayers before we prayed them. He put this in place, and has master-minded Barbara's healing process by inspiring the doctors who care for her.

Supt./Pastor Chet Martin put this concept in my mind regarding a totally different issue early last year. But I've come to understand that God, being greater than time or distance, and understanding that we can't see the future, masterfully hears the prayers yet to come and answers them in advance of us even praying. If you're not prepared to believe that, I would suggest that you search the scriptures for all the examples of God doing things that are much bigger than man. It won't be hard to find them. God is far bigger and greater than we can humanly comprehend. Thinking that we can wrap our mind around God is arrogant and a bit heretical. Be glad that we serve a Lord who can do far more than we can even think to ask.

While we are still in intensive care, things are progressing quite well. Her heart rate and blood pressure are doing GREAT today. In fact, the lung doctor was just here, and will order that her respirator settings be lowered even further today in the process of weening her from it all together. So, basically, we're waiting for the weener!

Barbara is in good spirits today. She has the look of rejoicing on her face as we've "talked" about how well things are going. We just now received word that they will keep her here over the weekend, and move her back to the step-down unit on Monday (probably). This way, they can continue the process of weening her from the respirator while able to monitor her progress more closely and attentively. This is all good.

The main issue, besides the blood pressure, is that she is experiencing a lot of nausea and bloating in her stomach. The good part is that she is feeling it working.

So, please pray that Barbara's stomach do well digesting,

Pray that her entire digestive system will kick into full working order,

Pray that her blood pressure remains good,

And pray that the respirator weening process goes remarkably well.

Also, if you would please, keep Jackie in mind today. She sent an email this morning expressing that she is having trouble getting into a class that she needs from UK in Lexington to complete her Masters in Counseling at Asbury. If she can't get into the class, she won't graduate this spring. Please lift her in prayer today.

January 5

2007-01-05T11:14:00.000-06:00

So here we are today back in intensive care. Actually, I like this area better than the other because of the superb care she gets. While there were certainly some nurses in the step-down unit that were good, the nurses here set such a high standard of excellence. They've also become like family!

Barbara's blood pressure is back in a good range. Due to the meds they've given her, her heart rate is a bit high. However, that is fine as long as she maintains a steady pattern of heart beats. As things stand now, she'll probably be here for a day or two more while they monitor her, administer this blood pressure medicine, and try to prevent this from becoming a problem.

Barbara was very upset last night, seeing this as a "regression". However, she is peaceful today and realizes that it is simply a step of prevention. Everything else continues in a good pattern.

Please pray that her blood pressure and heart rate stabilize again,

That she has NO MORE anxiety attacks,

That God SPEEDS the rate of her healing,

And that I stay sane!!!

I mentioned that we pray for many of you as a means of lifting our own spirits. Please join me today in praying for a very dear friend of ours who emailed us today that she has just found out that she has cancer. I haven't asked permission to use her name, but I definitely would like you to join with Barbara and I in lifting her in prayer today. She shares that the prognosis is good. I know the experience of your great wall of prayers surrounding us, so I solicit you again for someone who is a mighty servant of God. You may not know the details, but God will know.

Oh Fooey

2007-01-04T21:08:00.000-06:00

We are temporarily (we hope) back in nuero intensive care. While Barbara is still doing well in most areas, her blood pressure took a nose dive today. Her surgeon didn't think she really needed to come back here, but the heart doctor wanted her to be closely monitored. So, here we are... but hopefully for just a day or two.

January 4

2007-01-04T11:36:00.000-06:00

It seemed that we were lucky to string 2 good days together back in intensive care, but now she seems to do a bit better each day. She's getting poked, prodded and stuck in about every way, place and region known to mankind. I've learned that IV lines go bad over time and new ones must be planted in. This poor girl has been through so much jabbing it's sickening.

Today they will turn her respirator to lower setting once again, meaning that she will be taking more breaths on her own. They are still delivering just 40% oxygen, which is good. She is doing very well.

Remember that I've mentioned that they're trying to get her digestive system up and running again? Over the past week she's been on a liquid diet, and has really enjoyed getting to have flavor in her mouth. She craved strawberry milkshakes, tomato soup, and Big Red. You're probably thinking what I thought... she has eschewed the good stuff for junk. However, they have no problem with her having it if she wants it, so who am I to say. As of yesterday, they are once again pumping a nutritional liquid into her stomach line. *If you have a sensitive stomach, you'll want to put your had over your ears and hum through the next part* In the past, she has thrown up every time they feed her in this manner. However, she has gone a day with it now, and has only suffered some nasty nausea. Another good thing is that she's starting to feel her system at work, so to speak. These are good things.

The down side is that she never wants me to leave her side, even to eat. Every time I try to leave, she begins frantically asking for things (made difficult since I have to try to read her rapid lip movements!). Her anxiety continues, but understand that it is something that would happen to almost any of us after long hospital stays. I am trying to be here most of the time, and have set up office here in her tiny room!

So please pray that her anxiety and fear decreases,

Pray that Barbara is at peace when I must leave at times,

Pray that body movements continue to increase,

Pray that recovery gains momentum every day.

I haven't been lulled into thinking that she is safe from any further complications. Every invasive line in her body, as well as the trache, represent sources of possible infection. There is also the danger of the pneumonia returning. Also, each passing day in this little cell of a room represents more emotional struggle for both of us. I am not being pessimistic, merely asking for continued prayers as we make our journey through this.

Barb's mom went back home on Tuesday, and I'm sure Barb's dad was glad to see her again at long last! Don't forget her in your prayers, as she has also struggled with all that has happened.

I find that when I run out of things to pray for us, there are many of you that come to my mind that I pray for. There is probably some wisdom for all of us in realizing that the biggest blessing comes as we pray for others. It's one of the most productive things we can do when we feel the most helpless about our own situation.

January 2, in the year of our Lord 2007

2007-01-02T13:47:00.000-06:00

Well, a belated Happy New Year, one and all.

We continue to stitch together good days. Since being moved from intensive care to, uh, non-intensive (?) care, we have seen ongoing physical improvement. Today brings more good news in that they are turning the respirator assist down even lower, and she is taking many breaths on her own. She has complained of difficulty in breathing, but I'm betting its mostly anxiety related. She is moving ever closer to being off the vent.

Her movements are still small but significant to me. She doesn't see the improvement, but then she hasn't been witness to all that we have thanks to her sedation for weeks. Anxiety is a huge problem. When she tries to communicate and we can't understand her, she becomes very agitated. The good news is they've starting working with her on a speaking valve for the trache that will allow her to talk in breathy words. They've also began giving her a little goodie juice to help her relax and sleep. I am deeply grateful for that considering her frazzled state at times! I'm about to the end of my rope... and that's not a pleasant place to be. Just ask Saddam! (A little dark humor for those whose sensitivities can handle it!) *remove tongue from cheek*

All in all, her health is improving daily. Just pray that God will heal her RAPIDLY (yes, I've gotten all the emails about patience... I can tell you it is a highly over-esteemed virtue!). Perhaps that's why we have such difficulty ministering to others... we're patient. God help us to become impatient to see lives transformed by the remarkable love of Christ.

Please also pray that Barbara's anxiety will subside,

Pray that MY anxiety will subside,

Pray that God will use us to touch lives for him while here.

Impatiently yours...

December 31

2006-12-31T15:37:00.000-06:00

To quote one of our favorite doctors here, "Hello, hello, hello." Every day he triumphantly enters the room that way with his middle eastern accent. The nurses affectionately call him Bob the Builder because, well, he looks like Bob the Builder. With a mustache. Or so they say. I just looked up a picture of Bob the Builder, and I'm not so sure. Anyway, this doctor is a repeater. He says most everything twice. "Hello Bawbra, hello Bawbra." You get the picture. Like I said, though, he is an exceptionally good and caring doctor who always encourages us and always tells us to pray!

Barbara is needing a lot of encouraging right now. She continues to progress very well, albeit slowly. But she is going bonko stir crazy. As well you could imagine. No, maybe many of you can't. I'll bet a few of you know what its like to be trapped in a tiny room for an extended period of time. Add in immobility and difficulty communicating, and you get the picture. Please pray today that God will heal Barbara's spirit and help her to experience joy here in the fire.

Really, that's all I have to say. Oh, except praise the Lord for the WONDERFUL way His Holy Spirit moved among us again today in worship. One lady shared that she came expecting God to do something amazing! Now that's the way to come to worship! We had a covenant service and the presence of the Lord was in the house.

December 29

2006-12-29T11:38:00.000-06:00

Sorry it has been a little while since the last update. I've been busy trying to keep up with church work and laundry! Suffice it to say things are still going amazingly well. It blows me away how, after so many days of struggle, she suddenly is making such great progress. As of this writing, they once again have Barbara sitting up in a special chair that lays flat so they can drag her onto it, then changes into a chair so she can sit up.

While her movements may seem small to some, they are very significant to us. Each day she has been able to move better and better. Yesterday she did 10 kicks with her left leg for the physical therapy people. Her kidneys and lungs are doing great. The area of greatest focus now is getting her stomach and digestive system working again. She is able to take small "pleasure bites", and ate a good amount of her favorite yogurt yesterday (again, small amounts by most standards, but big amounts for her!).

Today is our anniversary! Yesterday, Rachel and Kevin and Nicole brought us the most beautiful bouquet of flowers to help us celebrate. That was so nice! It has also been good to visit with a number of you. A big thanks to the area pastors who've stopped by and really made my day.

Well, I sit her with a lap full of work to do, so let me conclude with some prayer ideas:

Pray that her digestive system begins functioning well,

That her body grows stronger,

That she will be able to be off the respirator soon,

That she will stay upbeat emotionally.

Thanks, too for your prayers for Jackie, me and the family. Jackie and Peter will be heading back to Wilmore tomorrow. A sad day, but life must move on! Keep them in your prayers for the road trip. It has been SO GOOD to have them here! Jackie is such a beautiful, loving young lady, and Peter is such a loving, caring man. They are also striving to be godly people in all they do, and a parent couldn't ask for more!

December 27

2006-12-27T15:49:00.000-06:00

Here we are a couple of days away from our anniversary, and Barbara just seems to improve everyday. She is moving more and more (she managed to kick her left leg 10 times for physical therapy this morning). Her disposition has been good, and she seems mostly upbeat. She occasionally moves her arms and legs on her own, too. We were a tad bit concerned that in a regular room, she might not get the level of care that she needs at her present level of disability. However, she is next to the nurses station, and they seem to respond quickly to things like her vent tube popping off (I had no idea this could happen - but I guess its fairly common - it sure has happened to Barbara a lot).

Now, with all of that stuff in mind, I think we all need to pray for Jackie today. Just look what she's done while whiling away the hours here: click here.

Yes, that is Jackie's face.

Seriously, please continue to pray that Barbara can stave off all threat of new infections, and that her body and mind grows stronger every day.

Peace on earth.

A New Reality

2006-12-26T18:28:00.000-06:00

We are now in the "regular" room! One interesting revelation, though... we've discovered that as clear as Barbara's mind seems to be, she has no idea what year it is, or how old she is. Not really all that surprising, though, all things considered.

We are right by the nurses' station, which is also good. You are welcome to stop by and say hi if you want... Methodist Hospital in Merrillville... short visits are best... and it would be good not to visit if you have a cold or anything like that.

A New Room!

2006-12-26T15:10:00.000-06:00

Just a quick note to share with everyone...As we speak, I believe the hospital staff is preparing a new room for Mom to get her out of the neuro-ICU. She's spent nearly a month and two weeks in this room and I am sure she's ready for some new scenery. I think we all are. They're talking about moving her out of here TODAY! I can tell from the look on her face that she is quite pleased. While she is still very sick and by no means back to complete health, this move will be a definite step in the right direction. The transition out of the neuro-ICU will be an encouragement to us all. I am loving these leaps and bounds!! Thanks for your prayers. That's how we are all getting through this.

As an aside, I just asked Mom if she needed anything. She looked at me, gave me a big grin, and mouthed very clearly, "Chocolate pudding." The nurse is ordering her some. :)

December 26

2006-12-26T11:29:00.000-06:00

Leaps and bounds. That's how we've described the progress Barbara has made over these last few days. To some, it may seem that she's only taking baby steps. After all we've been through, her progress amazes us.

I am still trying to be guarded against being overly optimistic since there is still a LONG way to go. However, I've decided to indulge in some Christmastime cheer at how well Barbara has been doing. If you've tracked our progress with these updates over time, you'll recognize that I have experienced a gamut of emotions along the way. I have become more at peace over time with the realization that there are any number of outcomes to Barbara's situation. If even still, the Lord decides to take her home, then it is well with my soul. If we still have a long battle to wellness her in this life, then all is well with my soul. I won't lie and tell you that I have or I will enjoy every bump and curve on this road. But even if I grieve, even if I get angry, even if I laugh, even if I cry, even if I get frustrated, even if I thrill, even if I have joy or even if I have sorrow, all is well with my soul.

Barbara's kidneys, after taking a brief nosedive, are now at almost 100%!!!!! She continues to move more and more, even though they are only small moves. She has been very alert and communicative, although still quite forgetful. Dr. Rifai told my sister that there are many things that Barbara will need to relearn with long term therapy. Infections and oxygen deprivation have caused Barbara to forget how to do some basic things (like blinking - occasionally she will forget to blink).

My good friend Michael Brown, pastor of the Merrillville Nazarene Church was just by for a visit and affirmed how helpful it has been for me to give you specific things to pray about. Truly, I have seen the hand of God at work in specific areas as you've joined me in prayer.

With that in mind, please pray that no further infections take up residence in Barbara (hospitals are a great place to get well, and to get sick - especially in intensive care where she is still relatively immobile),

Pray that the pneumonia does not return,

Pray that her movements get greater and stronger every day,

Pray for strength emotionally, and that all her brain functions become stronger every day,

Pray that her digestive system kicks back into working order.

She had one bite of apple sauce earlier today, and may have a few more bites later pending the results of a stomach CT scan taken yesterday. She has been much more upbeat emotionally - thanks your prayers that Christ would help her to deal with the struggles of immobility and the respirator situation.

Keep us all in prayer for good health. We've been trying to take good care of ourselves - rest, water, vitamins, food, etc. - still, being in the hospital every day is also a risk to our health!

Thank you again, many times over, for the wonderful ways you've blessed us! I hope that your Christmas celebration NEVER ends.

Later On Christmas Day

2006-12-25T17:57:00.000-06:00

Just a brief update to let you know that Barbara has had a GREAT Christmas. We all have.

Many of you have been praying for a "Christmas miracle" for Barbara. Well, you'll be glad to know she progressed by leaps and bounds today. Please understand that she is still in fragile condition, but we can't help but be excited by the events of this day.

She sat up for over 2 hours in a special chair that folds down like a bed so that she can be rolled onto it. Plus, she continues to make progress in her movements. She moved her shoulders today, and can make small but significant movements with her hands and feet now. Also, the infectious disease doctor has taken her off of 2 antibiotics. While she remains on several others, this is a good step. She continues to be off of blood pressure medicine and is remaining strong.

Also, she has been much more cheerful today. We all have had a blessed day with the visit of family members. A special meal was shared by all. God is good!

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T12:47:00.000-06:00

On behalf of all of us, what are you doing reading a blog on Christmas Day?

No... seriously... Merry Christmas. Your prayers and kind words have made this a wonderful Christmas despite the pain we share with Barbara. When your life narrows down to a daily, life or death struggle, you begin to focus on the most important things in life. But do you know what is even more important to me than Barbara's physical healing? The most important thing to me is that every one of you would know the inexpressible joy and thrill of a relationship with Jesus. Not just knowing Him... but allowing Him to penetrate every part of who you are. We become a blessing to countless generations to come when we allow Christ to bless us through a life lived in service to Him. This is the only place where I've discovered true freedom of life, freedom of thought, and freedom of expression. It's the only place where I've found true acceptance. It's the only place where I've found an ultimate love that gives me reason to face each day. And its the only way I've found that I can love others and learn what it means to have peace on earth. My Christmas prayer this year certainly includes Barbara. But more so, it is that you will allow Christ to be born in you today.

Barbara is having a good day. Her vitals are excellent. Her kidneys are improving. Her nose itches (!!!!). She is moving more and more. Her lung doctor even said that they might give her food tomorrow! Not a T-bone steak, mind you... but the prospect of jello and ice cream is really thrilling her.

Thank you for your prayers that Barbara would not be so down. While she is certainly quite sad at times, she is doing so much better today.

Yesterday, in our morning worship, I stepped out on a limb and did something I never imagined I would do in church before. It was something that God inspired me to do while at prayer, but I must admit I questioned it all week long. In our Sunday morning service, we sang popular secular Christmas songs, then connected them with a hymn that shows how we can celebrate Christ and His Christmas realities. The kids helped me with the first set... Rudolph combined with Jesus Loves Me (to show that we are all special to God), and You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch (!) combined with How Great Is Our God (satan may be evil, and there may not be enough bad stuff to say about him, but our God is great beyond measure, and there are not enough good words for Him). Later in the service we sang Blue Christmas/It Is Well With My Soul, and White Christmas/Whiter Than Snow. Much to my surprise, the Holy Spirit moved in such a way that 3 people came to the altar to pray during the secular songs! Talk about affirmation that we had been faithful to do what God wanted! It was a beautiful, sacred happening.

I am including a Christmastime picture from several years ago. This is Jackie and her cousin Paul getting into the Holly Jolly Christmas spirit. May this be a year of profound blessings to you. Remember - for those of you with hope in Christ - this is your chance to show others His love and to encourage the children around you. Peace on earth!

Christmas Eve

2006-12-24T23:02:00.001-06:00

Hi. This is Jackie again.

Just wanted to let everyone know how Mom's day was today. She had a pretty good day all in all. Her blood pressure is up to a very normal, healthy level without any blood pressure medications. Praise God! And her heart rate is fairly healthy too. She has been alert and responsive all day. It has been nice feeling like she is really there. Unfortunately, with her being unable to talk her attempts to mouth something to me are not understood. The lung doctor continues to give good reports that her lungs are healthy and looking good. However, she must grow strong enough to be able to move her arms in order to be able to come off of the ventilator. I guess her diphragm (the muscle used to breathe) is somehow connected to the muscles in the arms. Her kidneys have begun to function much better as well. The kidney doctor was very pleased tonight at how they were functioning. Things really seem to be looking up. I just pray that she doesn't turn around and have another bad day. Keep those good days coming!

I have been praying that I would be able to somehow communicate with her and to be able to be sensitive to what she wants and needs. It has been horribly frustrating watching someone you love so much just lie there, unable to communicate, and obviously suffering from so much physically and emotionally and not know exactly what you can do to help. Tonight I feel like I got a little bit of an answer to prayer for that. I asked her if I could move her arms and legs around for her. She was very pleased to oblige. It just hit me that it could help her feel better to actually move her muscles around a little bit after being so immobile for so long. She was making a concerted effort as I did this to try to start moving on her own. She succeeded in lifting her left arm about six inches or so off the side of the bed, squeezing me with her fingers, and wiggling both of her ankles intentionally. She was concentrating so hard, but it was wonderful to see that spunk in her. She was quite pleased with herself. I think it was really encouraging to her. I know it was to me. I think I shall start providing her some of my own physical therapy...free of charge of course.

While spending Christmas eve in the hospital is not a normal or even ideal way to spend the holiday, it was nonetheless wonderful to be there with her and Peter. We decided to put our trip to Tulsa on hold as many of you know, and I think that tonight alone was worth it. If Mom won't remember it, I certainly will for years to come. Well, everyone have a merry Christmas!

December 23

2006-12-23T12:20:00.000-06:00

Barbara's "alertness", if you will, can be a blessing and not so much of a blessing. It is so thrilling when she smiles and responds to us. On the other hand, it is wildly painful to see the looks of distress and anger concerning her present situation. She has been quite pleasant at times, but these last two days, she has looked at us with some of the most heartbreaking expressions.

Jackie read a Christmas story to Barb this morning and it really seemed to relax her. Other times, Barbara has seemed on the verge of tears.

Her white blood cell count had sky-rocketed to 70 yesterday. While it is still high, it is better today being in the 30s.

We're now meeting the "associates" of her regular doctors who will be in over the Christmas weekend.

Otherwise, her heart rate and blood pressure are the best they've been so far.

I've confessed to my family here that this roller coaster ride we're on is about to make me puke! Pardon the ugliness of that statement, but there is no other way to describe it. The constant ups and downs are literally nauseating and dizzying for us.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I will be attending to both a morning worship service, and a Christmas Eve candlelight service. Pray for me that all goes well, as I am still trying to prepare for the evening service here at the last minute.

Pray that Barbara will experience a spectacular emotional as well as physical healing at this time,

That her kidneys and digestive system will return to good working order,

And that she is able to start moving her body TODAY.

I will be doing a "magic" show for the kids here in the Peds unit on Christmas Day. It almost didn't happen due to political correctness run amuck. Pray that God will use me to touch lives even in a situation where I will not directly be ministering His Word.

December 22

2006-12-22T16:12:00.000-06:00

This is Greg again.

It's difficult to write words when you feel that you're all out of them. If I could find a way to express my anger without seeming to be angry at the wrong things, I would do so. If I could express my fatigue while reassuring you I'm being well taken care of, I'd do so. If I could express my hope and optimism and yet confess my distress and discomfort, I would do so. When it comes to finding the right way to express myself in days like these, I realize that in whatever I say, there is a hair's breadth difference between stupidity and bravery. And, to the naked eye, it's often hard to discern the two.

I prayed for the gift of understanding Barbara's thoughts so that I could be of better help to her in this time that she cannot communicate. Today, I'm feeling utter exhaustion and anxiety at the course this hospital stay is taking. Barbara has indicated to me that she is really, really, really tired of all of this. But at the same time, she seems to want to fight on. There's another paradox for you - ready to give up and ready to go forward at the same time. If you understand that, then you know where we are today.

On the bright side, my sister's family has been here and we just had a lovely time unwrapping gifts together. Barbara was very alert and seemed to really enjoy herself. Jackie and Peter were here as well. We gave pictures of ourselves (mousetraps, as we call them) that had been taken this past summer at GFM for our new directory. I am a great admirer of Peter's photographic skills, and he and Jackie gave me a frame with 1 of this pictures from Jerusalem, and 2 yet to come. All in all, it was a blessed occasion.

Barbara's vitals are decent today, but she's fighting yet another infection. She has been really alert, but also very upset by this ongoing struggle. Her lungs continue to do better, and her neck surgery is looking really good. However, her kidneys are starting to fail again, and her digestive system doesn't seem to want to kick into gear.

We've officially called a halt to all tests that are in the name of "just trying something". She's been poked, gouged, and stuck enough. If the test will be helpful to the big picture situation, and if there is reason to believe it will be of benefit, then we'll allow it. Otherwise, no more jabbing for the sake of jabbing.

I wish that I could tell you that we're all just living in the land of lollipops and dreamcycles when it comes to how this will turn out. However, none of the pictures for the future look all that swell and ooey gooey soft and chewy. That doesn't mean I lack in faith or that I'm questioning God. Rather, I think we're all wondering if this will be the opportunity that God takes to present Barbara with a fully restored, fully healed body free of pain. Our druthers would be for that to happen here. But if not, then we will celebrate an even bigger gain for her. On the other hand, if she is to remain, we wonder if she will ever walk again, or if there will be a point when she'll be off of the respirator. It would be so terribly hurtful for Barbara to be stuck in the hospital and miss Jackie's wedding this coming spring.

Please continue to pray with us for Barbara's complete healing,

That her kidneys would heal,

That her digestive system would restart,

That she would be at peace and free of anxiety or fear,

That we will all have the wisdom that we need and the opportunities to serve our gracious Lord even while here in "prison".

Please be especially at prayer for Jackie and Peter today. They have come to the hard decision to stay here a while longer, meaning that Peter will miss Christmas with his family. My respect for Peter has grown exponentially in realizing that his family is as important to him as mine is to me, and that he loves Jackie so much that this sacrifice is one that he is able to make. Christmas here won't be made up of decorations and special meals - but it will be full of love, and centered in Jesus. To the White family, I will make sure your boy makes it home as soon as possible, and my prayers are with you all at this difficult time for you as well. We haven't met yet, but I do feel a special love in my heart for you simply by knowing Peter, and the great man that he is.

December 21

2006-12-21T12:22:00.000-06:00

Today is another challenging day. We arrived at the hospital to see physical and occupational therapists working to move Mom's arms and legs around. We noticed a couple of huge blisters on her legs that looked very painful though. The doctors have ordered for some fluid to be taken out and tested from one of them. The nurse just took care of that. In other news, her white blood cell count jumped overnight from 20-something to about 70-something, which is indicative of some sort of infection. They are at this point still unsure of where this infection is located because all of her culture tests have come back negative so far.

Yesterday an extra line (I believe it is called a femeral line) was put in to administer some different medication to get her heart rate down. This medication could not be mixed with some of the others going through her other lines, so a procedure was done to put another one in. The medication seems to be doing its work as her heart rate has dropped from about 150 beats per minute to about 125 beats per minute. This is still somewhat high, but not nearly as dangerous. Her blood pressure is remaining pretty low today, and she has maxed out on the medication she is able to receive in order to raise it. One of her doctors gave the report that she has gone somewhat backwards in her progress due to the infections plaguing her body.

These days she has that are "bad" seem to take a toll on her ability to be responsive. I am not sure if it is due to exhaustion or if the infections are clouding her mind. Dad's sister Stephanie, her husband John, and their three children are coming into town today to stay for a few days. We will be celebrating Christmas together as best we can. It will be good to just be together. I just hope that Mom will be able to feel all the love around her.

Here's how you can be praying for Barbara today:

-that her blood pressure would be able to increase
-that her heart would remain strong
-that whatever infections she has could be pinpointed, contained, and combatted
-that she would feel peace in her heart
-that she would not be experiencing physical pain
-that she would be able to find sweet rest today
-that God would continue to work mightily and speedily
-that she would be able to have a nice visit with the Bates family today and that the children would brighten her spirits.

December 20

2006-12-20T12:36:00.000-06:00

Hi. This is Jackie. Dad's been keeping you all very well up to date, but I thought I would go ahead and post something anyway. Yesterday everything seemed to be looking up. Mom was as responsive as she'd been in quite a while. She was also as focused as she'd been in a while. She was able to shake her head some to yes or no questions, was able to wiggle her toes a few times on command, and able to also move her arms. This of course was good news to the doctor's report that she had a spinal cord injury and may or may not recover the use of her limbs. I feel like any small movement is a big and exciting accomplishment. I only hope it's not patronizing to her as I praise her for those small but exciting accomplishments.

It of course has been frustrating to not be able to know the thoughts going on inside of her head, but I am sure it is nothing compared to what she is feeling. She has shown to be somewhat upset at times, but overall has had a very pleasant demeanor through it all. She has been releatively wide-eyed and smiley. These signs of life are encouraging.

Today has been a bit discouraging with her heart rate as high as it is and her lowered level of responsiveness. The times I have walked into her room to talk to her, she has not moved her eyes from the television. I am hoping it is just her exhaustion from her heart rate being elevated overnight. I wish the doctors could figure out why she has been on this track of having bad days every two or three days. It's frustrating not knowing what is causing it.

I am uncertain of where this road is taking us. And while I am confident that everything will play out in God's timing, I am trying to sway his mind in the direction of speeding things up a bit. I guess it never hurts to try. I will say that this hard journey has been somewhat easier because of the love many of you have shown to our family though this. Thank you to all who have cooked for us, given gifts, and helped Peter and I in replacing what was lost in the break-in. Your kindness and love have been the presence of Christ to us in this hard time.

Finding Fayth

2006-12-20T11:20:00.000-06:00

I had called my sister this morning and her young son answered. I told him we were looking forward to his impending visit, but that we had been unable to put up any Christmas decorations. He assured me that was just fine. But then I realized that the most beautiful Christmas decoration I could see this year is Barbara's smile. It's amazing how something like that can really change the face of an entire day. At risk of telling something too private to share, I can't resist mentioning that after telling her that I loved her at one point yesterday, she mouthed the words, "I love you, too." Jackie saw her do that too and it melted our hearts.

Today, Barbara is having a more challenging day. But you know what I've continually said - she seems to have 2 good days, then one bad. Her heart rate is quite high again, and her blood pressure is low. She is laboring to breathe more, and as of this morning, a bit less responsive. This is why I mentioned in my last post that we're trying to stay on an even keel emotionally - not getting too excited on the good days, and not getting too down on the bad. Or, to put it another way, expecting the best yet prepared for the worst. Don't take that as a bad thing - I truly expect God's magnificent healing to take place. It's just that I've also learned you don't spend this much time in the hospital without becoming a pragmatist (or losing your mind, which ever comes first!).

Speaking of the latter, I must apologize if I got a bit testy at the end of my last post. I have discovered a method of both posting here, and then forwarding it as an email, that seems to work. After all these days here, as well as all this time traversing Merrillville traffic (it's always bad - but this time of year it is horrible), my nerves are frayed. I'm sure most of you are already prepared to extend me extra grace. However, for my own spiritual well-being, I need to apologize for being a bit short with any of you.

Let me end by sharing something very special with you. We have been praying special prayers for Barbara at the start of our worship services on Sunday mornings. Last Sunday, I felt like I was out of words to pray, and asked the Lord to help me think of someone who would be appropriate to lift Barbara's health to the Lord. He gave me the perfect person. It was someone who has been praying regularly for Barbara, even stopping throughout the day to say a prayer for her. It was someone whose prayer I was sure God loved. It was someone who is as sold out to Jesus as she could be. So, I invited this person to come forward. You could hear praises and applause as Fayth (pictured at right) stepped up to the platform. Fayth is about 6 years old. She prayed a beautiful, sweet, eloquent prayer that left tears in many eyes. I am so thankful for people like Fayth, her mommy and daddy who are also precious people, and the many other "family" members God has given me here at GFM.

December 19

2006-12-19T14:18:00.000-06:00

I've probably mentioned before how our outlook ebbs and flows with Barbara's health any particular day. These last 2 days have definitely been quite uplifting ones for us. We're trying to be careful and stay on an even keel - that way we can have a steady hope and confidence while waiting not so patiently(!).

She has been very responsive with facial gestures and trying to mouth words today. She smiles at us often, and seems to be in surprisingly good spirits. We've turned the Food Network, Dr. Phil, and other favorites of hers on the TV, and she's seemed to enjoy watching them. A nurse from the other night said she seemed to be laughing at "Everybody Loves Raymond".

Her respirator has been turned down to deliver just 40% oxygen, and she has responded very well. Her lung doctor is extremely pleased.

Dr. Rifai, her neuro-surgeon, told us that she made his day today with how well she responded.

She's still not moving her arms and legs much - and when she does, she indicates she didn't do so purposely. The trauma she had to her spinal column probably explains all of this. The lung doctor did tell us that she'll probably be on the respirator as long as her arms cannot move, since those two areas of the body operate in the same part of the spine.

Progress has been slow, and it's pretty easy for everyone to remind us to be patient. I just hope you never get stuck on this end of the "waiting" game! Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Please join us in praying that her spinal functions kick into gear TODAY,

That her body is cleared of all infections TODAY,

That she begins a rapid recovery with better health than she's had in years.

We love all of you very much, and truly appreciate your words of encouragement.

I'm sorry that some of you are so unhappy about us switching from email to a blog. This is so, so, so much easier on us this way. However, I will continue to email these to you if you just let me know.

Greg

December 18 - second update

2006-12-18T14:38:00.000-06:00

I just spoke with one of the doctors in our nuero-surgeon's office. He tells me that Barbara's lack of movement is, in his opinion, related to the spinal cord injury. He believes that her chances for recovering at least some movement are good due to the fact that she feels pain and other stimulus in her extremities.

He believes that she could recover none, part or all of her movement, and it could take little to much time.

Barbara has been smiling at us a lot today and is very pleasantly aware of what is going on around her.

December 18

2006-12-18T13:37:00.000-06:00

This is the first fresh update posted directly to this blog. Please note that all previous posts contain the accurate date in the title, not the "date posted" item at the bottom of the posting.

After a grueling weekend, Barbara seems to be doing very well today. Her heart rate is still high, but down considerably from where it was. Her blood pressure is now in a healthier range. Plus, her oxygen levels have continued at 100%, so the respirator has been lowered to deliver 45% oxygen.

She is as alert today as I've seen her for quite some time. She is smiling often, focusing her eyes on us well, and responding appropriately. We've had the TV on for her (Food Network mostly - one of her favorites) and she has been watching without her eyes wandering.

She still can't move her limbs well, but considering the big setback of the weekend, her responses to us today have been WONDERFUL.

Janie, from our church, will be coming to do her nails shortly (they've gotton long!). We hope this will help her feel a little more human today.

We have been trying not to get too excited on either the good or bad days. It's hard for our emotions not to ride with her progress, but we know these facts to be true:
1. She is not out of the woods yet - still in critical condition,
2. This probably won't resolve overnight,
3. She is in BIG hands... God is with us!

Please join us in praying today that she now experiences a speedy recovery,

That her heart holds strong,

That her body clears of all infections and other debilitating issues,

That her joints stay limber,

That her neck continues to heal.

We had a wonderful day of worship yesterday, and the love of God's people thrilled me, held me, and encouraged me. It's so good to have Jackie and Peter here this week, too.

Greg

December 16

2006-12-18T13:35:00.001-06:00

We’ve all been encouraged by the good reports for Barbara, but we should still keep in mind that she remains very sick and in critical condition. I say that to brace us all for the fact that last night, as they were preparing Barbara for an MRI, she stopped breathing and her heart stopped. They bagged her and performed CPR, and brought her back to a relatively stable condition. They don’t know what caused this, and the MRI was not done.

This morning she has a very high heart rate and a low blood pressure. The lung doctor told us the medical name of a condition they now believe her to be in, but the oversimplified version of it is that she’s having a hard time overcoming the carbon dioxide build up in her body. She is very, very sick and in a very tenuous condition right now. They have assured me that they are doing all they can – but the problem is just that – there doesn’t seem to be much else they can do to pull her out of all the things she’s being plagued with at this time. She is laboring to breathe, and looks absolutely miserable.

She is somewhat alert at times, but we’re not sure what she knows. She smiled at us a little this morning, but still seems very confused. This is also a great concern of mine. The doctor’s don’t understand why she hasn’t come around after a week or so off of the sedatives. That is why they were doing the MRI.

On another note, I am thankful to everyone for their expressions of concern and generosity in the wake of the break-in and robbery with Peter’s car as it was parked at our home. It’s tough for me not to feel “responsible” - but I guess that must be a natural response when somebody violates your family under your watch this way. Several of you have suggested what you would like to do to the person who would do something like this – not only at this time of year – but considering the other stresses we’ve gone through. I would just say that I only feel sorry for the parties involved. They obviously don’t have the hope in Christ that we have, and they are working their way through a life that seems destined for hurt and pain at this point. The things they took, though of earthly value, are still just “stuff”. I’m thankful that Peter and Jackie are well, and that they have the hope of Christ in their hearts. No one can ever steal that from them.

Please join us in praying today that Barbara’s vitals will once again grow stronger and healthier,

That her body will be cleared of all infection and disease,

That her mind will clear and she will be able to move,

That her heart will strengthen,

And that God will move more quickly on all of these things!

Many of you remind me that this will take a long time. Frankly, I’m tired of the wait. I am continuing to pray BIG Zechariah type prayers. I’m reminded of this:

Isaiah 38:1-5 (NLT)
About that time Hezekiah became deathly ill, and the prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to visit him. He gave the king this message: "This is what the Lord says: Set your affairs in order, for you are going to die. You will not recover from this illness." When Hezekiah heard this, he turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, "Remember, O Lord, how I have always tried to be faithful to you and do what is pleasing in your sight." Then he broke down and wept bitterly. Then this message came to Isaiah from the Lord: "Go back to Hezekiah and tell him, 'This is what the Lord, the God of your ancestor David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. I will add fifteen years to your life.

Enough said!

Greg

December 14

2006-12-18T13:34:00.002-06:00

Barbara has bounced back from her bad day and has been making some good progress. She seems very alert, and is responding to things we say. She has been smiling at us too, which is wonderful to see. When I told her that Jackie would arrive yesterday afternoon, she smiled. She has also mouthed a few words and has rolled her eyes when told she was about to have another test. She also has moved her legs, toes, and right arm a little. However, she does tire out very quickly, and so her moments of responsiveness are limited. However, it’s a good start. There are some things that still concern me, but we seem to be showing signs that she’s finally coming back around. She’s not out of the woods yet, but days like these restore our hope.

Her respirator oxygen level is now down to 50%, and she is breathing more breaths on her own. The lung doctor is very happy with her progress in what was once the area of greatest concern.

Her blood pressure is back to a good level, but her heart rate continues to be high. She is also bleeding internally somewhere, and they’re having trouble finding out just where or why.

There still are various and sundry things the doctors are trying to figure, fix or find. Infections continue to be an issue and her temperature can raise to 102 with regularity. They are also having a really hard time getting her stomach and digestive system to work again. However, we are quite pleased with the progress, albeit slow.

I don’t believe in “bad luck” or “when it rains it pours” philosophies, but we certainly have had our share of storms lately. Last night, Jackie stayed at the hospital with Barbara and her fiancé Peter came to our house for the night. This morning, we awoke to find that his car had been broken into and many of its contents taken. The passenger side window was smashed, and the trunk was opened. Among the missing stuff was most of Jackie’s clothes and a nice winter coat, her MP3 player, Peter’s digital camera, many books he’d just purchased to begin working on a January class, Peter’s dirty clothes (!!!), etc. Some stuff was left, including a container of brownies, so obviously the thief wasn’t terribly bright! Beyond all the loss of items stolen, this is just a plain old kick in the gut! Insurance will cover the damage to the car, but there is no policy in place that will cover the contents. Keep us in your prayers for this, too.

Our head trustee tells me that this is the first break in at the church or parsonage since it located in Griffith in the mid 60s. So, if you’d like me to send you an autographed piece of broken auto glass to commemorate this great achievement… oh, never mind!

Thank you all for your continued and far-reaching prayers and acts of love.

Greg

PS… Jackie just came into the room and told me that they found her MP3 player still in the car. OK, explain that one to me. They stole the dirty underwear and seminary books, but left the Dell player. They had also torn up his dashboard, but seemed to be unable to get the radio out. They did, however, steal the face plate from the radio. Weird.

December 12

2006-12-18T13:34:00.001-06:00

Barbara seems to insist on holding to her pattern: 2 good days, then 1 really bad one. I hope that today she’s getting this bad day out of the way so she can be better tomorrow when Jackie and Peter arrive here (our daughter and future son-in-law for those of you unsure of the connection!).

There seems to be multiple things going wrong today. Her blood pressure plummeted overnight. The problem is multiplied by several factors… her heart rate remains elevated, and most blood pressure treatments will raise a heart rate… and she is maxed out on the current meds she’s receiving for this problem. AAAhhh!

Her stomach still isn’t working properly, and overnight she threw up. Also, she is losing a large amount of blood.

The doctors are concerned that she has been off of her sedation all of these days now, and still is only minimally responding (pain is her biggest response). She is horribly responsive to any stimuli as being painful. But she has yet to e able to move any of her extremities on her own. She does respond to me with her eyes, but at times, she seems vacant. I asked her last night to blink if she knew who I was, and she didn’t blink. This is all beginning to become VERY disconcerting. They have done a CT scan, and are considering other tests to find out what is going on.

It’s interesting that her surgeon came in last night and when he found out how well her lungs were doing, and that she had been responsive with her eyes, said, “You just made my day!” I hope that this is just Barbara being slow to come off her sedation.

She is back on 100% oxygen from the respirator today after being down to 60% last night. As for her reaction to pain, the nurse says that she looks like she’s screaming, except that it has no sound due to the trach.

Please lift me up in prayer today. These bad days really suck the life out of me, as many of you know from personal experience.

Pray that Barb comes out of the sedation with all things working properly mentally and physically,

That they find the source of the bleeding and get it under control,

That her stomach begins to work well, and that all her digestive systems come back to life,

That her blood pressure and heart rate stabilizes,

And that the pain subsides and God works a miracle to cause her joints to stay limber.

Remember Jackie and Peter as they travel here from Wilmore, KY, tomorrow – a 6 hour journey. Today is Peter’s birthday – so, happy birthday, Peter!! Pray also that they will be able to formulate good, workable plans for Christmas here and in Oklahoma where Peter lives.

As you may know, Barbara is the one who really helped me keep track of cards for thank-yous, birthdays, and Christmas. Please accept my apologies for not keeping up with those, but I assure you, your many acts of kindness have been appreciated to the extreme.

Greg

December 11

2006-12-18T13:33:00.002-06:00

After a bad day on Saturday, Barbara bounced back to have a great day on Sunday, and things are shaping up well for today.

Since good news has been scarce, we’ve been grabbing hold of every positive thing and putting our attention there. I am happy to report that Barbara is now on a normal breathing pattern on the respirator. She has been getting 70% oxygen, and since her body’s oxygen levels have stayed around 100%(!), they plan on reducing the respirator level further today. She is also being brought out of sedation, which is proving to be a nerve wracking process for me. It will take several days before she really comes out of it due to the long period under the influence. She is starting to track people and respond to people with her eyes. She definitely responds to pain with some pretty horrifying grimaces. I believe she is probably in severe pain due to weeks of immobility. The lung doctor continues to be upbeat about the daily progress she’s making.

There are still some issues that I won’t go into here, but suffice it to say your continued prayers are needed. I’m also coming to the realization that while these days have been emotionally difficult for us, assuming that Barbara continues to make progress, the hardest days are yet ahead. If things continue to go well, and I believe they will, she will have some excruciating days of physical therapy ahead to try to restore joint function. Plus, we have yet to determine just how successful the surgeries on her neck will prove to be. Perhaps God will choose to work miraculously in that area providing for a smooth transition back to normalcy.

Please help us pray that as she comes out of sedation, she will respond well to the tracheotomy, and that her brain functions will be unaffected by all that she’s been through,

That the infections will clear once and for all,

That her body will move quickly to wellness,

That all will be well with her neck and in her joints.

Thanks again for all your prayers and encouraging words. I continue to be overwhelmed by all the prayers and petitions on our behalf. God has provided many people to bless me in unique and special ways along the course of this journey. I wish I could tell you all the stories, but some things are probably better kept sacred and private.

Greg

December 9

2006-12-18T13:33:00.001-06:00

Barbara’s journey towards healing of one kind or another has been an amalgam of positive and disheartening events. After several days of progress, she has taken some steps backwards again.

On the up side, her lungs continue to clear. In fact, they are now setting her respirator to a normal breathing pattern and reducing her sedative substantially. As of this writing she still continues to be mostly non-responsive, though.

The down side is that she has had a high temperature (103) for quite a while now. Her blood pressure was quite low and heart rate quite high this morning. However, they seem to have them moving a little closer to the range they desire. The lung doctor told us that he now believes she is in septic shock. This basically is a whole-body reaction to infection. If you are curious to find out more about this, here is a link that I used:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000668.htm

Her lungs are doing so much better, and her oxygen levels are strong. But the mysterious infections are still raging inside of her, and the doctors are still trying to help her body fight.

Please pray that these infections will be immediately lifted, and that her body recovers from the septic shock.

Also, continue to pray for her lungs, kidneys, and of course – the neck surgery.

Tomorrow I will continue the sermon series, “Do Not Be Afraid” (considering that my last series was about being thankful even when your world is falling apart, it seems God’s providence is once again apparent). I will be encouraging our people to examine the lesson of Zechariah, and to not be afraid of the big things of God. One of the big things that I find in Zechariah’s story is to PRAY BIG. Thank you for your continued BIG prayers for Barbara’s complete healing.

Greg

December 8

2006-12-18T13:32:00.001-06:00

I’ve asked myself why people seem to be drawn to these updates, when I tend to think everyone should be tired of hearing from me by now. I’ve concluded, from your replies, that sharing the daily drama with me helps everyone to know how to pray. Plus, I’m certainly aware of how much love and compassion there is out there for Barbara. Thank you so much for every outpouring of love. With all the attention I’ve given to Barbara, I have not kept track of your acts of generosity like I wish I could have. I’m sure you will all tell me that you understand, but I still want to make sure you know that even if I fail to send a personal thank you, everything that has been done for us has been deeply appreciated.

As we try to make sense of the really bad stuff that happens to us in our life, I realize that God can use even the darkest days for good. I began my understanding of that years ago when I lost mom to cancer just before Barbara and I were married. Again today I see that there is a blessing to be had from all of this. We must understand that God blesses the one to bless the many, and He blesses the many to bless the one. Blessings are not things given just for one person’s benefit, but for the enrichment of many of God’s people. In addition to the blessings of love and concern we’ve experienced, I’ve also been blessed with the priceless gift of wisdom. Not ultimate wisdom, but a much deeper wisdom about what it is like to walk through the valley of death and still fear no evil. I would like to officially announce to the Lord by way of this email that I have learned enough now, and He can now let life return to normal! Seriously, though, let me encourage each one of you that there are godly things to be drawn from all of the bad junk that happens to you. Lessons are hard to learn, but very practical in the application. I don’t believe God took us down this road just to teach me a lesson, but I do believe that while He walks beside me, He instructs me so that I can in turn help others.

Today, Barbara has had 2 procedures that will take us further along in our journey to health. She is still highly sedated and on the reverse-breathing pattern provided by the respirator (now routed through a trach, rather than through her mouth). Her temperature occasionally spikes, and her blood pressure has been a bit high at times.

It is incredibly evident to me that God is at work, and that many are praying. While the condition of her heart is a concern, other things continue to show modest but steady improvement. Her kidneys are now functioning at 25% (up from 15%), and her lungs seem a bit clearer each day. The lung doctor is encouraged by the fact that while she is still very, very sick, she is stable and showing progress. Her lungs are the primary concern right now. A test of her bronchial passages today showed them to look good, but still in shock. They continue to be stiff and in need of the respirator.

I’ve seen people get very upset with the medical establishment over their inability to pinpoint ways to solve every health crisis. However, I am fully aware that we are dealing with an inexact science here. Further, our bodies are so incredibly complex, it is absolutely phenomenal how many things need to be functioning properly to keep us in good health. So when I tell you that Barbara is being plagued by infection, but the doctors are not sure of its exact nature, understand that there are countless things it could be. The game here is to treat her for a variety of possibilities and hope that the doctors win before the virus does. Besides, as I’ve mentioned in past updates, Barbara is very immuno-suppressed from years of arthritis medicine. Arthritis is our immune system gone crazy, and the meds that she’s taken to stay well all these years are working against her in this situation. That’s also why I’ve said that she is as much in God’s hands as a person can be. I am confident at this point that every twist and turn of this journey is in the loving hands of our Father. He made Barbara, He knows what should happen here, and I’m satisfied that His will prevails.

Here’s how you can help us pray today:

That the lungs will be well and that all infections will leave,

That she will be emotionally prepared to deal with the tracheotomy when they eventually begin to lower her sedative,

That the neck surgery will continue to heal well.

Many of you ask me how I’m doing, and frankly I don’t know. My brain has shifted into the reality of living moment by moment, and it’s hard for me to process much beyond that right now!

Thanks again for all your prayers!

Greg