April 9

Sorry for the lack of updates lately - Holy Week can be quite hectic anyway for a pastor - but with everything going on concerning Barbara's care, this past week has been especially busy. I should tell you first of all that as of last Saturday, Barbara has been returned to Miller's Merry Manor in Hobart.

I can't say enough about the wonderful team of doctors who took care of Barbara at St. Mary's. The kidney infection has been resolved. Plus, they discovered the cause of her inability to eat and subsequent severe malnutrition. Her adrenal glands are not functioning at all, so she will be forced to remain on prednisone to make up for this. This is a bad news/good news thing since the prednisone, while helping her, will also continue to damage her body. They also determined that there was a thyroid issue that is being treated through meds. The wound on the back of her head from the pressure sore and debridement is nearly closed now, and hair has begun to grow back. Plus, as I think I mentioned before, they had been getting Barbara up on her feet some (while being supported on both sides), although she still hasn't taken any steps.

I must also commend the nursing and support staff at St. Mary's for the good work they did. And I must say that the rooms in the new wing of the hospital are really nice!

I'm not sure how profitable it would be for me to go into my tirade about the fact that insurance companies now dictate care, and that doctors have little say. But the doctors believed that it would be essential to her progress to receive more intensive physical therapy before returning to the nursing home. However, insurance refused it. Does that mean we have bad insurance? I suspect that the truth is that this is the way all insurance providers behave. You could have the best policies available and still encounter nightmares with unconcerned and uncaring people who make care decisions. Insurance is NOT about caring for people, it's about profit and profit alone. Medicare is NOT about caring for people, but about numbers and numbers alone. Someone jokingly asked me if I would be in favor of a national healthcare program. I laughed and assured him that my experiences prove that the government can thoroughly screw up any good thing they handle. I'm not sure which is worse - the government's inept inability to provide insurance (such as our experience with Medicare), or the uncaring incompetence at other providers. It's a good thing that I decided to speak softly about how I think concerning this issue!

Well, the good news is that Barbara is doing very well outside of her dire need for intensive physical therapy. The aids and nurses at Miller's couldn't believe how good she looks now. She did lose another 10 pounds while in the hospital, and has lost at least 40 pounds altogether. There are some wonderful Christian aids who really love Barbara and they were praising Jesus for her improved condition.

I am terrified at prospect of how we'll survive getting her to Jackie's wedding at the end of next month, but we are resolved and determined to make it work one way or the other. I'm also thankful that we've already had a volunteer offering medical help for the trip if needed. We are blessed with such wonderful friends here!

Here's how to pray at this point in time... Pray that Barbara will continue to eat well and that she will get food that she likes,

Pray that Miller's physical therapy team will be inspired to get Barbara on her feet,

Pray that God will miraculously cause Barbara to walk THIS WEEK,

Pray that there will be no other setbacks.

Oh, and pray for our emotional needs as well. Barbara continues to be in tears over the callousness of the insurance companies to her needs, as well as prospects for her state at the time of the wedding. I myself have had a real emotional struggle of late. I've had a deep sense of despair and loneliness set in despite my faith and hope and relationship in Christ. Don't know how to explain this one. It's just the reality of the situation, I guess. I fully see how our Father in Heaven is also our Father here and now. It's a weird paradox, but perhaps those of you who've gone through similar crisis can relate. Thanks again for your prayers!

April 2

I've been wanting to let you know how well Barbara is progressing, but alas, it has been a busy couple of days. We can't say enough good things about the doctors who've been attending to Barbara's health needs. They have now determined that her adrenal glands aren't working at all, and that she will need to remain on prednisone (likely, for life). While that's not exactly what we wanted to hear, it is sure better than some of the alternative things that could have been wrong. If you want the whole medical explanation, give me a call. Otherwise, suffice it to say that she is improving daily, and is eating better every day. This won't be a quick thing to resolve, but she is on the right path. Her malnutrition is quite serious, but at least she's holding down the feedings being delivered directly to her stomach. She has been craving foods once again (an answer to prayer!), and last night she ate a half a piece of deep dish pizza that I picked up at a local place.

Have I mentioned that she is no longer on oxygen? Not that she has quit breathing (I know what you smart alecks out there were thinking), but rather she doesn't have that wonderful little tube wrapped around her head delivering extra oxygen. She is also making various other improvements that are paving the way to coming home.

They are hoping to find a way to keep her at St. Mary's for a little longer to give some intensive rehab that will better facilitate recovery. In that we are in the cruel hands of Medicare on that decision, I'm not holding my breath. Either way, look for her to return to Miller's Merry Manor nursing facility soon. I should tell you, though, that they actually had her on her feet TWICE today!!!! It was with assist, of course, but she said it felt really great.

So, please join us in praying that it will work out for her to stay and get more intensive therapy for a little while,

Pray that she will eat more and more everyday,

And join me in praying BIG - I'm praying that she will walk on her own THIS WEEK. That would be huge, but God had done it even more quickly before, so I think I'm cutting Him some slack! Seriously, if He will, He can.

Blessed Easter, everyone!

March 29 - In Like A Lion, Out Like A Lion

My time of spiritual retreat with my fellow pastors was extraordinarily wonderful. I am blessed with a group of men and women that are more than colleagues, but are family. They are precious to me in ways that can't be understood outside of experience itself. To those of you who offered words of encouragement, concern, and love, I give my love and thanks. To those who simply supported with presence, I also give my love and gratitude.

You may notice that thanks to a request, I have now included information concerning the history of Barbara's present state in the column to your right. Unless of course you're viewing this from behind the computer screen, in which case you have much bigger problems that I can help you with at this time.

Barbara has undergone a battery of tests and pokes and prods to resolve this long standing issue of a stagnant, non-working stomach. I am extremely pleased with the team of doctors on her case, and am once again overwhelmed at how God's is supplying!!! For those of you who have ultimate faith in science, Barbara's present condition proves the fallibility of that reliance. I'm not anti-science, rather, I believe it works fully in balance with God's other gifts because all good things are of God. Science cannot answer the question as to why Barbara is suffering as she is at this time, so now it comes down to educated guesses, puzzle solving, and simple compassion. These are not things you can answer with computer-like intellect, they take God's gift of heart. The good news/bad news has been that while tests haven't shown anything major to be wrong, they still don't define the problem. So, at this time, they are addressing her adrenal system as well as the communication path between her brain and digestive system. It's actually quite complicated, but perhaps my over-simplified explanation will at least give you a rudimentary understanding. Oh - and yes, the kidney infection continues, but is being treated. We'll know more about that in the days to come.

She continues to be at St. Mary's in Hobart, and will be so for an indeterminate period of time. She is in the new wing of the hospital, and the rooms there are quite beautiful. This is really a lovely hospital. I believe that the staff issues alluded to earlier have been resolved.

Please pray that doctors will crack the code and solve Barbara's eating-digesting-throwing-up-nausea-lack0of-appetite issues once and for all.

Some have remarked about some quality of my life that has seemed to sustain me where others might break down. I don't know if I said that very well, but I must confess that I feel quite weak in my strength. It is all the power of God available to all of us. I wish that I had been a better lay person in my years before the pastorate. I apologize to all my previous pastors that while I heard the Word, I didn't live it as I should have. I'm still developing in this, but I have gained a truer perspective on what it means to be a part of a "church" (not a building, but rather, God's people), and a part of a community. I am but a poor example of what God can do in man, but if anything I do is remarkable, it is not me. It is the face of God that shines through when we allow it to. I shudder to think of the difference we could make in this world if we all allowed God to possess not just our hearts, but our minds, our ambitions, our dreams, our visions, and our lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the church today... but there is something deadly wrong with the people. God's church is alive - but we have paralyzed parts of the body by failing to allow God to bring us to life with His resurrection power.

Once there was a little girl. She danced merrily through life changing lives with her mesmerizing smile. One day, this little girl stumbled and fell. For months she couldn't walk or talk, and doctors couldn't figure out why. But then, one day, the girl began to regain her smile. She began to remember why she loved life, and began to remember how her body was supposed to work. Over time, she remembered how her hands loved to create beautiful blankets, and she began to create. Over time, she remembered how she loved to dance, and she began to dance. It was then that she realized that it wasn't that she couldn't move; rather, she had forgotten how it felt to do so. The power wasn't in her to heal; it was within God. She had simply lost the picture of God in her heart. Once she regained it, she regained life. And she lived.

(Thank you, Michael Kelly Blanchard.)

March 27

Hello everyone... I am back from the Pastor/Spouse retreat (going solo, lonely and quite introspective). There are many things to tell about Barbara, and a very good question from the last entry's comments. However, I am quite exhausted, and need to beg a reprieve for one more day.

Just a quick note, though. Barbara continues to undergo tests of various and sundry kinds to help figure out what's going on with her. Quickly, I might also tell you her pressure wound is healing at an incredible pace... the opening is now merely the size of a pencil eraser!!! PRAISE GOD! He is faithful on rainy days, He is faithful on sunny days... praise Him in all things the same.

One other great area of concern is that Barbara is very malnourished. I will write more tomorrow, I hope! Thanks for your BIG prayers.