May 3

I'm finding that I don't have a whole lot of new stuff to report these days, only to say that by the grace of God, Barbara continues to make modest yet remarkable improvements every day. Thanks to the need to do some major house rearranging, and factoring in outrageous gas prices (here it's 3.14/gallon right now), I have been staying home more often to work. Thankfully, Barbara is getting well enough that she can keep herself busy despite boredom. Yesterday, Fay, a lady from GFM, spent the afternoon with her. That was quite a blessing to us all.

Barbara has been able to stand on her feet for longer periods of time (3 minutes as of yesterday), and has been doing quite well learning to transition from bed to chair on her feet (rather than using the hoyer lift). The last time I was with her, she actually stood erect for most of the time on her feet, and that was a very emotional moment. While she does require assistance to stand, she told me that yesterday, she felt herself lifting up before the therapist assisted!

I'm also very pleased that her emotional state has brightened up quite a bit. These months have taken a great toll on her, and living in a nursing home environment isn't at all easy. But she's driven by the goals she has set for herself, and things are looking up.

I don't believe that God puts us through life traumas like this to teach us a lesson. Certainly under the old covenant, there were times when God related to man in that way. But I sense that in the truly desperate and despairing times of my life, rather than making me learn through heartache, He is making sense out of what seems senseless to me. In other words, God transforms the junk of our lives into something beautiful if we let Him. I see now where God is leading me. I realize now that this path has been transformed from something ugly and painful to something worthwhile. Not that our suffering was necessary - but it was necessary to teach me to love again. While Barbara and I never stopped loving each other, like many people who've been married for a number of years, we had settled for a settled-in kind of love. These days, I find myself thrilled every time I see her and every time I hear her voice on the phone. I've experienced a renewal of love for her in a manner that I haven't experienced in years. In a way, I wish that all of you could experience this renewal (without the pain, of course - but I suspect it's the pain that has brought on the renaissance). While I can't wrap my mind around the ways of God, and I can't understand the precise ways He rules the universe, I can see His fingerprints on all things. I have asked for prayer from you so often; please know that I pray for you as well. I pray that God will cause something exciting to be reborn in your heart and mind today.