As We Move Forward

Hello again. My contributions here have become more sparse as the days go by and as we have fewer new things to report. Sadly, I still have no news of progress on getting Barbara onto the Medicaide program. Barbara has told me that she intends to write more entries here in days to come, so you might check back for those.

In the meantime, I have began a new blog. I discovered WordPress.com and I really like it a lot more than Blogger. It's a bit more technical and not quite as user friendly as Blogger, but there are so many other things I like about it that it's worth it. If you want to check it out, it's called (get ready for this) "Where The Fish Have No Name".

Barbara still enjoys going to rehab 3 times a week, and her progress continues to be nothing short of miraculous. God has been so wonderful to us.

Pray for us right now as we are carrying a great emotional ministry-related burden that is weighing exraordinarily heavy on us right now. I don't want to go into details except to say that we are shedding a lot of tears over it.

And Now A Word From Barbara!

Hello everyone! Greg has been so faithful at keeping up with the blog. I have no idea what a blog is... so I am writing this the old fashioned way and Greg will blog it. He is so wonderful. We thought it was time for me to let everyone know exactly how well I am doing. I did have therapy today and will go back tomorrow. Nothing that exciting today but when I look back at where I started, I am amazed at what God has done for me. It has been a long and difficult journey and God has shown me so much (Himself, His power and His love for me). I had so many wonderful doctors, nurses and therapists. But it was God that gave me the help when I was weak, the hope when all seemed dark and healing (both physical and spiritual).

Therapy is going well. I enjoy going and being around others. They have me standing and the goal for now is 7 minutes while doing dishes. My record is 6 minutes while holding on to the bars for dear life. I still need someone to hold on to me since I am unable to keep my balance (I tend to fall backwards). Stacey, my therapist, has me up and walking with my walker and she holds on to me. My goal is to walk 30 feet. I consistently am able to do this 3 times each day. Again, I need Stacey to keep me upright so I don't fall backwards.

My long term goal is to walk 80 feet without going over backwards. One day I actually walked 95 feet but Stacey called it a fluke and asked what I had eaten for breakfast (SUPER Sugar Crisps)!

We are still waiting for in-home services since I still require a lot of help with everyday tasks. The wound on my leg is still struggling to heal. It was cultured and found to be growing a couple of nasty bugs. I just finished the antibiotic but Greg still has to wash and dress it every day. We both would appreciate your prayers for these matters as well as the financial mess of things. It is a common thing to get calls from doctors, hospitals and nursing home telling us that Medicare or insurance is refusing to pay. Thank you all for your months of prayers. I could feel each one of them. They gave me strength and God saw me through it all. He continues to have His hand upon every aspect of this ongoing saga.

Love, Barbara

A Beautiful Day

After a week where Barbara continues to make great strides in rehab, it has been quite a blessed weekend.

Jackie and Peter are here visiting for the weekend, which will include a small belated wedding celebration among the folks here at GFM. We went over to Merrillville to do a little shopping and decided to stop by the hospital where our long journey started to say hello to the wonderful nurses in the nuero-intensive care unit at Methodist. Barbara began crying as we made our way down the long hallway, and I began to feel bad about taking her there. There were 4 or 5 nurses there and they all took the time for hugs, big smiles, and a small amount of catching up. It was a weird sort of deja vu for Jackie and Peter and me as we retraced much too familiar and painful steps. It was so wonderful to see that these special ladies who invested so much care and love in us still cared and loved! We hope to stop by again during a different shift to catch some of the others.

In an eerie coincidence, the room where it all began was uninhabited, and we got to go in for a quick peek. Barbara's memories of this part of her experience are very, very foggy. Think about how weird your dreamlife can be at times, and I suppose that might compare to what the experiences was like for her. Not that it was a dream by any stretch of the imaginootion. Rather, her memories are disjointed and bizarre at times. We're all thankful that she can't remember the horrors that her body went though. Barbara does hate that she lost a chunk of her life and missed so many important dates (thanksgiving, Christmas, anniversary, etc.).

I wish that we were rich in this one instance so that I could shower gifts upon the beautiful women who took care of us (they were important to me as well). I hope that our love and prayers will bless them and their families just as they blessed us. We simply don't give enough credit to the women (and men) who do the job of nursing. And this particular group of ladies raise a high standard for the rest.

Barbara continues to walk more and more at therapy. I'm so proud of her progress. This weekend she has been as giddy as a school girl to have our little girl and her, uh, not so little husband with us. We love them both and it's always so nice to have them here.

More updates will follow... I'm still here... and we still need your prayers. We're still wading through the muck and mess of Medicaid and we're blessed to have a man as wonderful as Curt Binnion helping us deal with insurance issues far too complicated for my mind's comprehension. Our live as been a series of blessings dotted with a few fleas of junk. Thanks to the blessings of your prayers and so many people, we're able to swat the fleas away and give God the glory He deserves. Even if you are not a follower of Christ, when you do good work, when you reach out a hand to help someone heal, you are doing the work of Christ.

Slow Road to Recovery

I can't believe it's been as long as it has since I last posted. I can't say that there's a tremendous amount of stuff to report. Barbara is doing well at rehab, although progress is predictably slow. She is back to walking again with minimal assistance and a walker. Our biggest struggle right now is getting this Medicaid Waiver stuff taken care of. It's amazing how many people who handle these issues know so little about these issues. We seem to know more about the waiver than 99% of the 99,000 people we've talked to trying to get things started. I've said it before and I'll say it again, anyone who thinks national healthcare is a good idea should spend a day working with government "insurance" programs already in place. This is a great country, but we can thoroughly bungle any good thing we try to do!

Keep us in prayer that the waiver issue will be solved so that I can finally get some help here! I feel over my head most of the time. Nevertheless, God is blessing us in many ways. It's so wonderful having Barbara here and I thank God for that every day.

Just to get you fully up to speed, though, Barbara still does not walk on her own, but is working on it in rehab. She also requires my help doing many things most of us take for granted. She is upbeat about her progress and quite tired from all the exercises she does.

Thanks for your ongoing prayers for our financial situation. I still have no idea how this will all turn out, but again, God has helped us this far and I have no reason to think He'll back off now!

First Day of School

Well, at least it seems like the first day of school for Barbara. That was our joke as we got her ready to go to her first day of rehab this morning. She now has had the blessing of getting to ride in a van IN her wheelchair. There was a bit of trepidation on her behalf, but I'm praying all will go well.

She will be going to outpatient rehab 3 times a week for about 6 and a half weeks. A driver will pick her up and bring her back each of those days, for the afternoon. It felt like she was going to school because I had to pack her a lunch (she actually leaves late morning), and she had to pack a few things to keep her occupied during the downtime. So, it felt like she was preparing to set off for her first day in kindergarten.

Please pray that this will be an extremely successful time of rehab, and that Barbara will soon be able to walk again... on her own.

One other prayer request I'll pass along. Barbara's dad is not doing well health-wise, and she's very upset about it. He needs to know Christ as his savior as well, and I think that's a big part of Barbara's concern. He was able to come up with Barb's mom, his sister, and a cousin yesterday for a visit. I've included a few pictures of that. Please help us pray for Barb's dad... for both his physical and spiritual health.

Aug. 6

Don't know why it has been so hard to keep up with this blog these days. I suspect it has something to do with the wild unfettered clutter of business my life has become. Nevertheless, I am daily mindful of just how wonderfully blessed I am, and how fortunate I am to have my precious angel home with me for a while longer. Hopefully for many whiles longer. Which incites me to point out that it is incredible what such a horrible drama as we've lived can do for a relationship. And I am speaking of positive things here.

Our week spent at camp was just wonderful, and went far better than either one of us could have imagined. After the wedding, we had made camp a secondary goal. At the time, we only had reason to believe that might entail a visit of a day or two. It was so wonderful being their for the week. It was equally wonderful to spend time with my dad and my sister and her family. Barbara loves going to camp about as much as I do, which is a really great thing.

This past week we had my sister's 8-year old middle daughter with us. She had been wanting to spend a week doing crafts with Aunt Barbara. Then, my sister and her family joined us for church here at GFM on Sunday, and spent a good portion of the day here.

Good news came this morning... it seems that we are now on track to get Barbara started on out-patient rehab this Wednesday! Wonderful news. They will pick her up and bring her home as well, which is a big relief for me.

We're also relieved that a member of our church will be coming to look at our dead dryer to see if it is fixable. It's a pain to do laundry and have to dry it at a laundromat, hence laundry isn't getting done like it should!

Keep us in prayer that the rehab will work out well and that Medicaid will come through. Pray for me for strength and stamina to do all the jobs that I have to do. I am so pleased to have Barbara here, but it is quite a job as well.

July 29 - Back From Beyond

This will probably be brief - we're all exhausted this evening - but I wanted to pop a quick post on here to update you. Barbara and I have been in Clay City (IN) this past week for our church conference's family camp. I've gone every year of my life, and since we've been married, Barbara has grown to love going there as well. We had a wonderful time. It was so good to see our many friends. And I could tell it was really good for them to see Barbara. Most, if not everyone, had no idea she would be there. Thanks to a last minute blessing, it worked out for us to go. God blessed us with one of His earthly assistants who gave us a great queen size bed that is perfect for Barbara's needs. I will try to give more details in the days ahead, but for now, I will leave you with a few pictures from the week. For now, I'll just say that Barbara did VERY well despite the fact that we've both come home with colds! This trip to camp was a second goal that we set after Jackie's wedding, so it was a real answer to prayer to be able to go. Here are the pics...

With our nieces... the one on the right is spending the week after camp here with us doing "crafts" with Aunt Barbara!

Barbara with friends from our pastorate at Birds, IL... The Armstrongs and McCulloughs.

Sharing a big hug with Flossie Constable.

July 19

First let me say I would buy a Lexus. If I had the money to do so, I would buy a Lexus. Oh sure, there would be nay-sayers o'plenty that would say anything from, "Ooooo, look at Mr. Bigshot moneybags" to "Shouldn't you have given the money to the poor?" But I would negate those nattering nabobs of negativism. Here's how I sees it; shouldn't we spend our money on good quality products that will perform well longer and, when all is added/subtracted/divided and configulated, my guess is that I would spend the same money on the Lexus as I would have maintaining and buying the more affordable but less rock-solid cars. BMWs have more problems than you'd realize, Cadillacs actually have more maintenance issues than most cars, and Jaguars are poorly made cars with a high prestige label. Consumer Reports and my own prejudices aside, there is an end run point to be made here. We Christ-followers can at times be guilty of poor stewardship of our money under the guise of saving a buck or two. The old adage, "You get what you pay for," is more reliable than not. So we eschew Charmin for Angel Soft in our quest to save a dime all the while likely spending more. Should churches be built with the best materials they can afford? Certainly. That is not poor stewardship, it is wise use of money. We too often are guilty of being gullible when we should instead be a bit more world-wise. That's not the same as being worldly. I say all this from the vantage point of now having more debt than income (!!), but still wise to the fact that I haven't always given Christ my best. Having Barbara back in my life reminds me to be a better man, a better husband than before. Life only affords us so many minutes, and I want to give her a Lexus husband rather than anything lesser. And I want to be a Lexus follower of Christ rather than one that will break down before the race is done. We used to sing a hymn called, "Give of Your Best to the Master." Too bad we forgot to do that.

OK, if you made it this far, it's now time for a quick update on Barbara (the actual reason why you're visiting here today). Things have gone well for us, but we still recognize there's a steep learning curve on the road to living more efficiently with our present reality. I have managed to strain several muscles while moving Barbara, and am in the process of trying to remedy that.

Perhaps the biggest news of the day is that Barbara got her tummy tube removed today. Due to the fact that she had a more secure tube that was placed for longevity, she had to go in for an out-patient procedure. It took much longer than we'd anticipated due to the trouble they had finding a vein for an IV (6 sticks, thank-you). With the doctor's permission, they left the IV in so that she can more easily be given the calcium infusion she will receive tomorrow (also an out-patient procedure).

The Lord has answered many prayers, and has been so good to us. We continue to rejoice in the fact that there are always many more blessings than hurts.

Please pray that Barbara will heal quickly now that her final remnant from scarier days has been removed,

Pray that Medicare issues will be resolved soon,

Pray that she will continue to heal and continue to progress,

And say a little prayer for my physical and emotional well being too whilst you're at it!

We had a wonderful time at Jackie and Peter's post-wedding family/friends shower in Columbus last Saturday. Thanks for all your prayers and kind words.

July 11 - Elvis Has Left The Building

Not many words, just some pictures of Barbara leaving Miller's Merry Manor in Hobart to live at home for the first time in 8 months.

Last moments in her room, talking to her mom... "I'm leaving!"

Lisa is one of her great nurses; we credit dilegence and passion with saving Barbara's life one final time when she was in danger of dying from malnutrition.

With unit manager nurse Tonja

One of many very very special aides, Christina (Barbara kept her night shifts interesting!)

One of her therapists, Al, hugging her goodbye.

Another wonderful aide, Bianca.

Leaving Miller's.

Thanks to Gail and Donna from GFM, Barbara had a wonderful welcome home greeting.

The story continues. I will continue to post. Thanks for your prayers!

July 9 - two for the price of one...

A quick update... just found out that Barbara will be coming home on Wednesday, not Tuesday. However, I will bring her home for the day.

July 9 - Rounding third and heading home

The bulk of our emotions these days is over Barbara's homecoming tomorrow. Though she's been home on several occasions now (she spent both Saturday and Sunday here), tomorrow will signify the cutting of the cord with the nursing facility that has been her home away from home for several months. She will be just a few days short of having spent 8 months in various hospitals and care facilities. Barbara has always been very emotional, but she's been especially so of late as we've considered how far we've come. This next step will not be easy. Neither of us are jaded as to what this will mean. I realize I'm not fully prepared to be her full time nurse! However, God has been faithful to bless us and care for us in every step of this journey, and we have no reason to believe that will change now. In fact, Barbara just recently told me how emotional she got when we sang "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" on her first Sunday back at church over a month ago. While we certainly have had to deal with many ugly things, there has always been more blessings than anything else.

This past week Barbara has been assisted in walking across the therapy room at Miller's. They are halting steps, but progressive nonetheless. Her nurses and aids are continually amazed at how far she has come since entering Miller's. We both agree that the selection of Miller's Merry Manor in Hobart was exactly the right choice. Her nurses have been outstanding for the most part, as have her aides. In fact, I've come to realize that the aides are the backbone of the facility. They have been such wonderful caregivers, and I can plainly see that they truly care about Barbara. I'm especially thankful for Lisa, one of Barbara's nurses, who I think was a part of saving Barbara's life once again. She was diligent about getting the care needed to solve the fact that Barbara wasn't eating at all. Thanks to her compassionate care, Barbara got the attention that she needed at a point where doctors said she was once again in a dire situation. I wish I could start naming all the significant names and tell what they've done but time and space would now allow it.

So how can you pray for us as I bring Barbara home tomorrow?

Pray that she will continue to progress and not have any setbacks,

That she will walk better everyday,

That the daytime rehab program will work out,

That Medicaid will come through,

That I will have both the physical and emotional strength for the challenges ahead,

That help will be available when needed,

That finances will work out,

And that Barbara will be able to live a joyous, full life.

We plan to go to Columbus this Saturday for Jackie's family/local church shower to be held there (it was too difficult to get in all these showers before the wedding). Pray that will go well. Also, we still have it as a goal to go to family camp together (our Wabash Conference Free Methodist friends will know what that is all about). We still need a decent queen size or even one twin size mattress for the cabin to make it more comfortable for her. Pray that will work out for us.

Wow, that's a lot of prayer requests! Thanks so much for all your kinds responses to this blog. I plan to keep it up for a while longer.

In order to help pay our overwhelming hospital bills, I am beginning a small photography/digital media business. If you know of someone in my area that is getting married, or that would like photographic services for a special occasion, please have them give me a call. I will have a website up soon to advertise my services.

I'm including a picture that, while not a photographic art piece by any stretch, will give you a glimpse at Barbara returning to semi-normalcy. This was taken at a church cook-out this past Sunday.

July 3

With all I've had to report, it's a shame I haven't written more in this past week. Nevertheless, here I art.

My last report to you was that Barbara had taken 3 steps. As of this writing, she most recently took 14 steps! This spanned the distance of the parallel bars on which they teach people to walk again. This little walk was broken into 2 segments, but it's still an amazing thing! She still requires a little extra support from the therapist, and she stays bent over while walking. I didn't want to give you the impression that she just popped up and mosied on over to the end of the walk area. Learning to walk again will be a painful, tedious process. However, I'll have you all note that this is yet another answer to prayer. There were many who thought she'd never walk again.

Barbara will be coming home to stay a week from today (Tuesday the 10th). This presents a lot of questions. We are trying to get her accepted onto a daytime rehab program that will come and pick her up, take her to rehab, and bring her home. This would be a WONDERFUL thing. Please join us in praying that this will come to fruition. Also, please pray diligently with us that her Medicaid waiver will come through in time.

I'm not blind to the many challenges awaiting us, but I'm also certain that life will be better in that I won't have to travel back and forth to be with her, and I won't have to set up office in her little room and try to work there anymore.

She has continued to come home on Sundays to attend church. She will also be coming home with me tomorrow for the 4th of July. No big plans; I suppose we'll grill some burgers or something. Whatever we do, it will be much better than nursing home food (I hope).

I have been wondering how long I should continue this blog. I guess you could help me with that. If you're on the mailing list, and wish to no longer receive this mailing, just let me know. I realize my postings have been fewer these days, but I may go ahead and post for a while just to update you on her ongoing progress and keep you posted as to prayer requests. We are not out of the woods yet, but there are fewer trees between us and where we want to be.

June 25 - Step Three

These have been days rich with blessings and fragrant with joy. I find myself understanding less and less how people can only focus on the negative stuff and overlook the wonders of God all around. Certainly that's easy to say when things seem to be going well, but I assure you there are still plenty of frustrations daunting me. But as I hear of people being upset because of something someone said, or as I hear of people who stay away from God because of disagreements with other people, I find myself being far less compassionate towards them than perhaps I ought to be. But I wonder how angry Jesus would be. After all, he kicked some serious bottom side when clearing the temple. And he certainly had little more to say after the rich young dude walked away. We are so wealthy when it comes to resources and people and support and possibilities that it seems almost blasphemous that we could let individual scuffles get in our way on the course of our journey. If I'm reaching anyone out there who has let in-house anxieties fester in the place where you worship, I would admonish you to wake up. These are not the days for breaking ranks. These are the days when God's people must be strong and return to His heart. Take it from me, one who has learned these things the hard way, life is far too precious to focus only on the bitter, and not taste the far more abundant sweet. Turn your eyes upon Jesus and you will see more wonder than you ever imagined. If you think your eyes on on Him, yet you are being dominated by the negative stuff, you're kidding yourself and you're in true danger.

I had no intention of preaching a sermon today, but this all just flowed out of my heart like honey from the comb. Let me now tell you the good news of the day. I spoke with Barbara just moments ago and she happily informed me that she took THREE STEPS today! Wow! Do 3 steps seem like little to you? They don't seem that way from whence we came. This is yet another example of learning to see the wonderful blessings of God. Perhaps you know that there have been some very good and wonderful health care people along that way that were skeptical that Barbara would ever walk again. My daily prayer, through all of these days, is that this would be the week that Barbara walks again.

We have had some of the most wonderful days together recently. I took Barbara to church Sunday, we ate at our favorite Mexican restaurant, and then spent a beautiful and relaxing day together at home. She has been able to be in the lower "family room/bedroom" area where we have lived most of our lives on these past 2 visits. Max was overjoyed at having her back in her "natural environs" as I suspect he thinks.

Our home assessment last week proved to be better than we thought. We have determined that we can make minimal improvements and make life reasonably tolerable for Barbara at home. There will still need to be work done on the bathroom, but not to the degree we initially expected. We have started down the path of making these improvements, but this will likely be a project that takes a bit of time. Most of what we will do involves widening the door, moving a light switch, adding grab-bars, putting in a new, lower reaching mirror, replace the sink, redo the flooring, replace shower plumbing, and remove shower door to replace with a curtain. There are also other improvements we'll endeavor to make around the house as funds become available. Mostly, though, we will make certain that all improvements will truly be useful to any future pastors inhabiting this parsonage.

Please continue to join us in praying that Barbara will walk this week,

That she will be more able to do things for herself that she wants and needs,

And that my back will hold out!

We love all of you and pray for you as well.

June 18 - The End Is Near

Once again I find myself feeling all apologetic-y over the long dry spell with no blog entries. I am quite certain, though, that your life went on anyway.

As Barbara continues to make slow progress every week, we near another milestone. The end has almost come for the days in the nursing home that Medidontcare allows. She will for sure and certain be returning home to stay on July 10. The future is still a dark glass, though. The wheels grind slowly for Medicaid approval, and we're not all that certain that Barbara's case manager is moving things along at anything more than the pace of a, well, uh, I guess the slow pace of your standard government employee. If you are a government employee, I am quite certain the preceding statement does not apply to you, though.

Last week was the Wabash Annual Conference meeting for Free Methodist Churches in my region. I am happy to report that Barbara and I have been reassigned to GFM for the 5th year. It was so good to feel the overwhelming prayer support of my friends and family in God... even those who barely know us have been lifting us up. There were a couple of occasions when I found myself in tears as I sensed the reality of these prayers descending like a spiritual hurricane. Another wonderful truth solidified itself in my mind at this time. It pertains to the fact that so many of you have asked what you could do for us, and I've told you to pray. Commonly, the response back is that you want to do more than just pray. It occurs to me the way we undervalue prayer! Prayer is the BIGGEST thing you can do for anyone. Prayer supersedes a million dollar check, and new Extreme Makeover home, a new car with a lifetime free gas card, or any other great item that you couldn't give anyway. If you want to give someone the greatest gift of all, don't just say you'll pray, but do so! There's one other fact that attaches itself to this. I am trying to quit asking people how they're doing, or how a loved one who has been facing difficult times is doing. While the outpouring of love in this way is certainly appreciated, it gets quite tiring after a while to respond to these questions ad nauseum. Don't be offended if you yourself have asked this question - that is quite OK with me - its just that for me, I see the need to find a new way of touching the life of someone who is hurting. I'll get back to you on this one when the revelation becomes clearer.

Well, back to the reason why you tune in to this blog. I am gloriously happy to report that Barbara has taken her first step!!!!! She underplays it, saying it was just a small little movement, but I see it as a significant step (one small step for Barbara, one giant step for... oh, never mind). Also, she has been able to stay standing without anyone supporting her. I must also add that as she grows stronger, she is becoming increasingly easier for me to transfer. She's also becoming more and more capable at adjusting herself once in our vehicle.

Among the many things she has been able to do of late, she has now attended church with me each Sunday since the wedding, we've eaten out together on several occasions, she joined me in attending a funeral showing, and I even took her to Michael's craft store last week. She was elated, and said she could spend all day there. In that we've had to postpone the home assessment twice now, tomorrow is the day we anticipate this happening. I will bring her home for the day, and a couple of therapists will visit to assess our home situation.

I have much home cleaning to accomplish since I'm staying home, so I will wrap this up. Please continue to pray that this will be the week that Barbara walks, and that she will be able to master many self-care procedures in the weeks before returning home.

June 4 - Finally, After 7 Months...

Sunday was simply a wonderful day. I was able to take Barbara to church at GFM for the firs time in over 7 months! It was a VERY emotional moment as I wheeled her into the sanctuary for the first time in a long time. Then, as people began filtering in, you would have though a celebrity was present. We followed that with a meal at our favorite Mexican restaurant. After a full day, I took Barbara back to Millers and we were both completely exhausted. But what an outstanding day it was. Our plan is, as long as she feels up to it, I will pick her up for church every Sunday.

You will notice that I'm including a few more shots from the wedding. I hope you enjoy them. The lady with Barbara in the first picture is Peter's mom, Jeannie. I thought this was an excellent picture, especially of Barbara's winning smile. Jeannie and her husband Terry have become such good distant friends in the short time we've communicated with them. Barbara and I look forward to getting to know them better in the future, despite the distance of states between us.

Barbara will be visiting home again on Tuesday afternoon as some people from Miller's come to do a home assessment. This will help us evaluate just what needs to be done in anticipation of her coming home in early July.

Please continue to pray that Barbara makes marked improvements each day,

That this will be the week that she walks,

And that I am able to hold up strength and emotional-wise (I have really been run-down in both respects recently - the months are really catching up with me!).

I tell Barbara I love her a multiple of times every day. But I'm not sure I've said that to you yet. So, please know that I do love you and care deeply about you as well. Just as we have been in your prayers, to the extent that I'm knowledgeable about your needs, you too are in my prayers.

May 30 - The Big Day

For some reason, we lost the wi-fi in the hotel, so I was unable to update you during the wedding. However, I'm back, and I'm packin' photos. I'll share a few that I snapped, and maybe a few more at a later date.

First, the thing most of you will want to know. How did Barbara do? How was the weekend? The answer to both is, much better than our highest expectations. We simply had a wonderful weekend, everything was wonderful, and Barbara did incredibly well. As you know from my earlier post, we began our trip to Lexington with a major scare. Due to mishandling at the nursing home, we were afraid that Barbara had broken something in her left leg. Fortunately, it turned out to be a sprain, and the doctor cleared us to go. It started out as a harrowing trip due to the intense pain Barbara was in. But thanks to some good medicine, she started doing much better about an hour into the trip.

While Barbara was even more incapacitated that I'd expected, things still went well. God gifted me with the strength I needed to lift and move her. I consider this to be something of a miracle since I'm really not that strong. I also must credit April and Penny for their extraordinary help. April is a nurse, and took wonderful care of Barbara. Also, Peter's brother is a nurse, and he helped with a semi-"emergency" before April arrived... Barbara's pic-line was coming out, so he removed it the rest of the way. This is a line that allows blood draws and injections without constantly poking someone with a needle.

Barbara actually seemed to do better than me through the time of the wedding. It wasn't until afterwards that she became completely exhausted with a lot of pain. I'm still trying to recoup from the trip, too.

So, thank you for all your prayers that I believe 1) were a part of Barbara's miraculous turn-around, 2) were essential in her being at Jackie's wedding, and 3) helped us during the event. Barbara still has a long road to travel in recovery, and we truly covet your prayers. However, I am mindful that Barbara's mere presence at Jackie's wedding was a picture of the power of God. His fingerprints were all over this past weekend.

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you about the wedding. It was simple and absolutely beautiful. After being a part of escorting Jackie down the aisle, I then assisted in officiating, bringing a heartfelt homily. I've always though Jackie was beautiful, but she's never looked more beautiful than she did on that day. The weather also cooperated, and there were no noticeable glitches. I hope you enjoy the pictures that I've sprinkled throughout this blog entry. I will include some more later.

It was quite an honor to meet so many people who had been praying for us. Peter's mom and dad are such nice people, and it was a profound privilege to get to meet them. Thanks to all of you who shared in this day through your prayers and kind words.

One other thing... I must give praise to God for his help financially this past weekend. I had been very worried about how we would afford everything. However, we ended up paying very little for the weekend, including the fact that thanks to a number of problems we encountered, our rooms ended up being FREE! God is sooooo good!

Barbara is back at Miller's now until her medicare days run out. Please pray that she will make great strides in the days ahead so that she will be able to be closer to "normal" when coming home. Also pray that the nurses and aids will be able to help her in a way that won't cause further injury. We are mindful at how God has been with us. In the final analysis, His blessings always outweigh everything else. I felt led to encourage those at the wedding to take a moment to reflect on God's blessings, instead of things that are going wrong, and to be thankful. I hope you will take a moment right now to close your eyes, consider the blessings of your life, and thank our Father in Heaven.

This is Greg's sister, Stephanie. I told Greg I would write a brief update. He is working on getting pictures to post here.

It was simply amazing to me to see how well Barb did at all the pre-wedding/wedding activities. We arrived at the church for decorating and then rehearsal around 4:30 Friday. Barb happily observed and was greeted by many whom she had not met yet. Her stamina continued through the dinner afterward. We feasted on a wonderful dinner, saw some tear-jerking presentations of Jackie and Peter growing up, had some time to share memories/praise of the bride and groom. It was really neat to me that when Greg asked Barb if she was ready to go (it was 10:00 by now), she said she wanted to stay. She had nice conversations with Peters family, and many others in attendance.

The next day, she still had energy left for the big day! She arrived early enough to spend some time with Jackie as she was getting ready. She made it through the photography session (not her favorite time, I understand - she looked beautiful to me!), and then was seated for the wedding. A funny time during the wedding was when her Dad (Greg) was giving the homily, he recalled a young Jackie promising her Mommy she would never leave her. Jackie looked back at her Mom with a coy smile on her face. It was a cute moment, and I think that will be a special snapshot in Barb's mind!

All in all, it was a great day, and Barbara surprised all of us with her stamina.

I reflected back on those days late last year when there were so many unknowns. This event was truly an answer to all of our prayers!! The "kinks" were there (Barb's pain from her knee injury, difficult transitions: she had to be lifted instead of being able to bear weight on her own, these were scary moments Barb approached with much dread), but did not stop Barb from being able to see her "little girl" get married! How wonderful! Let's praise God for answering our BIG prayers in a BIG way!

God was with Greg as well. He mentioned to me that he was surprised that he could lift Barb the way he did during transitions (car to wheelchair, wheelchair to seat, etc). From my perspective, he made it look easy. I know God was giving him the strength he needed for this and other tasks. Let's all remember Greg as well as we pray for Barb, as this is all very stressful, time consuming, draining,...just downright difficult for him.

Before I close this, I want to ask a favor from all reading this. First of all, we are thankful for your faithfulness in "checking in" here, remembering to pray and encourage. I am reminded, though that this could be a very difficult time for Barb and Greg now. This event (the wedding) has been a driving force for Barb to keep going, to work towards. I think now could be a time when they could get very discouraged. What I'm saying is, let's "up our ante" in the encouragement department. Notes of encouragement, visits, calls, any reminders of love and hope to them will help give them a boost right now.

The day after the wedding was pretty difficult. Barb was exhausted to say the least. She was also quite sore. They made it back safely to the nursing home. Once she was settled in bed and rested briefly, she thought that she might like to get up again. Greg said "no way!!!" She is resting up, resuming physical therapy, and preparing to hopefully go home in the near future. More Big prayers, please, for her increased strength, stamina, and desire to push herself.

God is good!!!

May 24 - Yet another bump in the long road

Greetings from Lexington, KY, where we are sheltered in a fine hotelery awaitin' the impending nuptials of our progeny. However, we almost didn't make it. You won't believe what happened.

Some of you got the prayer request, so you may have an inkling of what I'm about to tell you. On the way to Miller's to pick up Barbara this morning, I got a call from a nurse saying that they had called 911 and Barbara was en route to St. Mary's Hospital in Hobart. It seems that while an aide was transferring Barbara from the, uh, er, "potty" to her wheelchair, she experienced multiple pops and cracks in her left knee. She began screaming like a banshee on a xanthine alkaloid compound. When we (her mother and I) arrived at the hospital, she was distraught with pain and anxiety. She was equally upset over the prospect of not going to the wedding as she was with the pain. After several x-rays and many, many prayers, we found out that she had a severe knee sprain, but no broken bones. The good news was that the doctor cleared her to go to Lexington! The bad news is that she was in such severe pain, all transfers would have to be done by lifting her. Every move brought more of those banshee-esque screams. The doctor did prescribe her some pretty good dope, though, and we set off for the long, tedious 6 hour cruise.

Once the pain meds settled in, she began to do better. By about an hour into the trip, she was calm and actually quite pleasant. Jackie, Peter, and his brother met us at the hotel to help carry her out of the Honda, and into a chair, then into bed. As of now she's sleeping rather soundly.

It seems like something has just been pushing against us! In fact, all the way down to Lafayette, we experienced head-on winds that were very hard to accelerate against, and as a result, we got terrible gas mileage out of a normally good-mileage vehicle. On top of everything else, it seems only appropriate for this trip to continually exact an exorbitant price from us.

Thanks for your ongoing prayers. We will need some powerful help in the days ahead, so please remember us.

May 22

Two days in a row. Woo hoo!

A quick update to let you know it was a wonderful day here at the ranch. After a quick flurry of last minute shopping in Merrillville (had to get an ivory dress shirt for the wedding - praise God it actually ended up being free - I had a credit at Men's Wearhouse that I didn't know about), we proceeded on to Miller's and picked up my sweetie (we being myself and Barb's mom, Mabel).

Once at home, our dog Max went goofy loopy crazy getting to see Barb for the first time in almost 7 months (which I think is a millennium in dog years). We had wienie wraps and baked beans for lunch and all enjoyed it (albeit, the company was better).

Barbara did quite well, and we had a great day. It was sad to return her to Miller's, but this is yet another milestone week.

It looks like we have wi-fi in our hotel room at Lexington for the wedding, so I will try to give you updates and maybe even a picture or two! Woo hoo indeed.

May 21 - Happy Days, Hoo-hahs, and Hope

The big week is here. The week that Barbara has literally been living for. It's been the goal before us and the culmination of years of prayer. This is the week of Jackie's marriage to Peter. This is both a wonderful and gut wrenching week. There are feelings of pride and trepidation. Feelings of fear of the unknown (how will Barbara do with all of this?), and feelings of immense happiness. It's interesting how you raise your children to one day fly, and when they do, it's both sad and satisfying. I've also been praying for Peter; I've prayed for him for as long as I can remember, despite the fact that I only knew his name in recent years.

Today the therapist trained me to transfer Barbara into our Honda SUV, and it went extremely well. So well, in fact, that we plan to bring her home tomorrow for lunch! That was a spur of the moment idea, but we are all tremendously excited. This will be her first time home and first time seeing Max (our dog) in almost 7 months. This is big stuff! This is the big stuff we've been praying!

Thank you for your on-going prayers and kind words.

This week, please pray for safety in travel,

Pray that Barbara will grow stronger every day, and that her endurance will increase with each day,

Pray that I will stay healthy through this,

And pray that all will go as smoothly as possible.

May 18

I've been needing to make this entry for several days now. For shame, for shame, for shame on me.

Barbara has been doing great! I think the biggest improvement I've seen is her emotional state. She has been so much more positive and upbeat. Late last week she and I were trained on "transfers" - moving her from wheel chair to, uh, regular chair. Next week we'll work on getting her into our vehicle. We will be doing so with a special belt designed by none other than Martha Stewart. Or maybe not.

Now for the really good news. The road has been cleared for Barbara to return to Miller's after the wedding. They have worked out a means by which this can happen and Medidontcare will actually pay. But wouldn't it be better news for her to come home? We both certainly long for that day, but her care and rehab needs still exceed my capacities as a provider. Barbara believes this to be a good thing; she has become quite upbeat about all this.

Please continue to pray that this will be the week that she walks,

Keep Jackie and Peter in your prayers for their impending nuptials,

Pray that the journey there will be paved with daisies and, I don't know. It's late. Make up your own metaphor.

May 14 - A Thousand More Words

Once again, I apologize for the length between entries. I never was a good one at keeping journals, and I now find myself busier than before.

First up, I want to share with you a pic from Mother's Day. We were blessed to have our beautiful daughter with us. Jackie will be graduating from Asbury Theological Seminary next weekend with her masters in counseling. Then, the next weekend, it's the big day. Her wedding to Peter. Barb's mother was also with us, and this picture is a 3 generation shot taken at Miller's. Hope you enjoy it.

Barbara continues to make miraculous improvement, albeit slow. I continually pray that this will be the week that she walks. Thank you for helping us carry this prayer burden.

Barbara is able to stand more and stand longer, with assistance, everyday. She is also gaining strength in lifting herself up. She is also making progress in her ability to transfer from chair to chair (with assistance). Her appetite has been good, too. These are all such wonderful blessings. Still, we realize things will be difficult getting her to Lexington for the wedding. Please keep us in your prayers... we will really need it!

Barbara was so excited to have Jackie come and visit. She looked forward to having Jackie see how well she's doing. It's always wonderful to have her here. But the irony is that you raise a child to one day be independent, get married, have a family of their own and realize their dreams and goals. But... when they actually begin on that part of their life, it's quite sad. Go figure.

As you pray, please continue to remember to pray big - that Barbara will walk this week,

Pray that she will make outstanding progress in these weeks before the wedding,

Pray for our financial state,

Pray for me that I'll stay strong (a combo of sinus headaches, allergies, and yet another ear infection are really dragging me down these days).

One problem forthcoming is that once Barbara leaves the nursing home to go to the wedding, medicare and insurance will not pay for her return (they believe that if she is well enough to leave even for a day, she no longer needs nursing home care). That means, as of the end of the month, she will be home and in my care. That is quite a daunting prospect. While we'll be glad that she's home, we're very concerned about her care and therapy. Pray that the Medicaid waiver goes through unusually fast - that would be a serious blessing, allowing for much more extensive care.

May 5 - Worth A Thousand Words

Here's one you've been waiting for. For most of you, a first look at how Barbara's doing in pictures. My sister's family joined us for a picnic under the gazebo at Miller's Merry Manor. Rather than telling you how things are going, let me show you. At the end of the day, Barbara told me she was "tired... but it's a happy tired." I hope you enjoy these.

This shot is a casual look at the picnic, minus me. It was a day with a mix of sunshine and clouds, but no rain showed up and the temperature was great. Plus, the kids had lots of room to run around in the enclosed courtyard area.

Obviously, I'm not behind the camera on this one... thanks, John! Anyway, here I am with my precious angel. It's so nice that she can sit up now... it's a lot easier to hug her! She is working on increasing her endurance so that she can stay in the wheel chair most of the day in a few weeks at the big wedding.




A great shot here with nieces and nephew. We were also treated to a piano concert, lots of pictures, and lots of action!






And a shot here with my sister Stephanie and her husband, John. Stephanie is also a contributor to this blog in the past. It was such a blessing to have them with us.

Barbara hates to have her picture taken, but she agreed to let me share these with you since you have been so actively praying for her well-being. I hope you share our thrill in seeing her looking so good and doing so well. This week? Well... I continue to pray that this will be the week that she walks!

May 3

I'm finding that I don't have a whole lot of new stuff to report these days, only to say that by the grace of God, Barbara continues to make modest yet remarkable improvements every day. Thanks to the need to do some major house rearranging, and factoring in outrageous gas prices (here it's 3.14/gallon right now), I have been staying home more often to work. Thankfully, Barbara is getting well enough that she can keep herself busy despite boredom. Yesterday, Fay, a lady from GFM, spent the afternoon with her. That was quite a blessing to us all.

Barbara has been able to stand on her feet for longer periods of time (3 minutes as of yesterday), and has been doing quite well learning to transition from bed to chair on her feet (rather than using the hoyer lift). The last time I was with her, she actually stood erect for most of the time on her feet, and that was a very emotional moment. While she does require assistance to stand, she told me that yesterday, she felt herself lifting up before the therapist assisted!

I'm also very pleased that her emotional state has brightened up quite a bit. These months have taken a great toll on her, and living in a nursing home environment isn't at all easy. But she's driven by the goals she has set for herself, and things are looking up.

I don't believe that God puts us through life traumas like this to teach us a lesson. Certainly under the old covenant, there were times when God related to man in that way. But I sense that in the truly desperate and despairing times of my life, rather than making me learn through heartache, He is making sense out of what seems senseless to me. In other words, God transforms the junk of our lives into something beautiful if we let Him. I see now where God is leading me. I realize now that this path has been transformed from something ugly and painful to something worthwhile. Not that our suffering was necessary - but it was necessary to teach me to love again. While Barbara and I never stopped loving each other, like many people who've been married for a number of years, we had settled for a settled-in kind of love. These days, I find myself thrilled every time I see her and every time I hear her voice on the phone. I've experienced a renewal of love for her in a manner that I haven't experienced in years. In a way, I wish that all of you could experience this renewal (without the pain, of course - but I suspect it's the pain that has brought on the renaissance). While I can't wrap my mind around the ways of God, and I can't understand the precise ways He rules the universe, I can see His fingerprints on all things. I have asked for prayer from you so often; please know that I pray for you as well. I pray that God will cause something exciting to be reborn in your heart and mind today.

April 28

This has been a very positive week and a very trying week all knotted up in a tangled wonderful terrible mess!

I'm happy to tell you that Barbara has made progress. Her arms continue to grow stronger, and she's happily crocheting and writing notes to people. On Friday, she more than doubled her previous time on her feet by "standing" for 2 and a half minutes. Then she did something she hadn't done before - she stood another minute. I should qualify this a bit by explaining that she stands with help at each arm and a third person in front holding a rolled sheet that is around Barbara's waist. Also, she is still having difficulty standing straight, and spends most of the time hunched over. I assisted with one of the standing experiences, though, and I can tell you I did very little to support her... she was mostly doing it on her own!

Earlier in the day Friday, she finally got to take a bath in a really nice whirlpool tub that has a door that opens, and seals shut. While the water didn't come up all the way due to her stomach tube that is still in place, it was still a great experience for her. The aids did a tremendous job helping her, including washing her hair (I was so grateful for how well they did cleaning up the wound area). Let me take this moment to highly commend the great job the aids have done at Miller's. Barbara continues to win them over with her smile and caring demeanor.

I'm also thankful that Barbara has been eating better. While the food situation is tenuous at best, she is eating well - especially when I bring her junk food. She has been much more cheerful, too. While she is still quite emotional about the challenges that lie ahead (particularly in regards to all the uncertainty about how we're gonna make this wedding trip work). She has also begun reading these blog entries so that she can get an idea of what the days were like that her memory has mercifully erased with help from the sedation. She has some bizarre memories that don't make much sense to her. I'm quite surprised at how little she actually does remember.

One big area of prayer relates to the issue of the new Medicaid waiver program that would be a huge blessing to us. It would be a HUGE financial help to us. It is believed that because of her young age, she will definitely be accepted. However, approval can take months, and we're a bit nervous about Barbara leaving the nursing home for the wedding. It's complicated to explain, so I'll just simply ask you to pray for a miraculously quick approval.

As for the tough stuff of the week, I would just simply ask for your continued prayers for our financial big picture. I'm feeling much more positive about things than I was in the last entry, but there are still areas of concern. But God has been sooooo good to us. And we are blessed with such a wonderful family... our family in southern and central Indiana... and our spiritual family here at GFM and beyond.

This week, they will begin to work with Barbara on "transfers"... learning to get out of bed and into a chair while holding on to someone and pivoting. Please pray that this will go well.

And pray for continued healing of her legs (pray that this will be the week she walks),

Pray that she will continue to eat well,

Pray for a remarkable month of recovery ahead before the wedding,

And pray that she will quickly be accepted on this Medicaid waiver program.

Keep me in your prayers a tiny bit too... I had an upper GI early this week to confirm a likely hiatal hernia. They say stress is a big inducer of this. Gee, I wonder where that stress came from!

April 26 - Hear The Wind Blow

This has been a week of high emotion and physical struggle for me. As I watch the impressive work that God is doing in Barbara, I also struggle with the realities that come along with a long term hospitalization. It's a terrible paradox that when we struggle over one thing, many times we must then struggle with many things. The old cliche is, "when it rains, it pours". Well, I'm not giving up, but the battle has been tough this week as many financial realities crashed upon my head. I will tell you that God has been faithful. I called upon a few friends to pray specifically for a miracle one day, and indeed, God came and did something wonderful for us. While it may seem like a bandaid on a massive injury, it is still a sign that God struggles along with us and does not forsake us. I suppose the best way you could pray for us right now, besides the total and complete healing for Barbara, is to pray that we won't have to declare bankruptcy. This is a very real possibility. There are a number of factors at play here, but I simply want to avoid having to take this horrible step to resolve things. That was an extremely raw, real and vulnerable thing to tell you. I wonder if I should go back and delete it. But I guess the reality is, you must love us to continue to care enough to read what I write. So, I will ask for your prayers. While this is certainly a public forum, I would request that you refuse to simply speak of these matters to anyone but God. Some stupid rumors have arisen in the past from the grapevine of information that started in truth, and got distorted along the way. So, just pray and speak to God alone of these things.

As for Barbara's recovery, she is growing stronger everyday. At times I cry when I see her doing something that I had to do for her not long ago. She is crocheting like Martha Stewart in a windstorm (whatever that means). She can roll herself over fairly well. She is eating better, despite her disdain for the food being served (she calls it "old people food"). So, I continue to bring her junk food at times (that is what she is craving).

She has lost a lot of weight, but in turn, has begun to put a little back on.

She still can't walk, though. She cries out to walk, she knows that she can, she knows that she will, she just can't figure out why it isn't happening. They give her shocks to her muscles to awaken them (she says it feels good - relieves pain). She can stand up for a minute at a time with 3 therapists assisting. Every day, and many times every hour, I pray that THIS WILL BE THE WEEK THAT BARBARA WALKS. Please, God.

Her head wound is healing wonderfully well, but as Jackie's wedding rapidly approaches, she worries and cries about the scar left from the trache, and she is upset about the condition of her hair (she has lost a lot of it due to laying so much, and from the debridement). So, pray with me that God will also do a miracle and heal these things quickly as well.

I must say, though, that she is so beautiful to me. When I walk in the room, despite her messed up hair, despite all the things that she wants to be different, I still see such utter, magnificent beauty. Frankly, I had forgotten just how beautiful she is to me. But through all of this struggle, my eyes have been renewed and my heart has been changed. On her good days she greets me with sparkling eyes and a million dollar smile when I walk in the room. And not only do I see her, but I see God. I see the glory of God revealed through his child, one that He loves.

The subtitle I gave this entry was "Hear The Wind Blow". Remember that song... "Down in the valley, valley so low..."? I never thought about its spiritual relevance until recently. I've been down in the valley. Valley so low. But I've also heard the wind blow. It's the Spirit of God, coming in a gentle wind, reminding me that I am not alone. That God even moves in the valleys.

April 20

Hi, I'm TV's Uncle Jerry. No, not really. But I said that to open the door to a major problem that has plagued "How's Barbara Doing". It seems that after I write these plain, simple, easy to understand entries, somebody slips in and adds obscure pop culture references that have confused many of the fair readers who inhabit the palatial estate that is this blog. So, in order to aid you, my fair reader, in the event of such bizarre ventures into how my mind works when writing late at night, I will begin hyperlinking to a helpful web place to help you get it. In fact, my last entry will be retro-fitted due to all the "what in the world were you talking abouts" that I received after that nocturnal rant.

Well, Barbara is still at Miller's Merry Manor thanks to eleventh hour wrangling that concluded that our secondary insurance will indeedy doody pick up the amount that medicare will not pay since she had exceeded 20 days. I will try my best not to go into an insurance/medicare rant at this point in time! Just let me say that I would not wish what I've gone through on my worst enemy. Not that I have any enemies. At least none that I know of. OK, maybe the resident at the nursing home who sits by the door and gives me the stink eye every day when I arrive.

Barbara, coming off of 2 exceptionally good days, had a bad day today. As for the good days, she has been eating very well (she is craving junk food, so I make many trips to oblige her when the meals there are gross). She has been pushing herself to stay up in the wheelchair so that she can build endurance. Today she just pooped out on us, though. Pray that this will be a one day set back!

Otherwise, she is doing quite well, all things considered. She has yet to walk, but I pray everyday that this will be the week that she does so.

There is also some good news on the financial front that may come to pass. We are praying that Barbara will be accepted onto a brand new medicade waiver program that won't garnish my wages, and will provide many services so that she can come home. This would be a true answer to prayer. We want her to be at home, but we also want her to get daily physical therapy, and we realize that her care needs exceed my abilities at this point.

I believe that the nurses and aids are giving her good care. Her winning smile and sweet spirit continue to win over most of those who come in contact with her. There are a couple of aids who were quite gruff and impersonal at first that are now quite friendly and loving.

God has been so good to us.

April 16

What do you mean I haven't done a very good job keeping you updated lately? You mean you haven't seen all those entries I've been posting? Oh wait - I see the problem - I accidentally typed backwards and left all the posts on the bizarro blog. I'll try to do better.

Don't you just love it when I delve into the weird pop-cultural references? Not a match, the board goes back.

Barbara continues to show modest improvements, fighting the challenge of deep emotional pain, and trying to eat despite her more-extreme-than-ever-pickiness.

The greatest challenge right now is that she may have to come home Thursday. That is both good news and bad news. She is desperate to come home, but also realizes that in her present state, she would be a big handful for me. On Thursday, she will exhaust the days that Medicare will pay 100%. While Medicare will pay 80% for a while thereafter, we can't afford to pick up the rest unless her secondary insurance comes through. Right now, we're getting conflicting reports, but my dear friend, the Grand Poobah of insurance is trying to help us find out what's up. In the meantime, I feel like David swinging an empty sling.

Barbara continues to loose weight on the world's worst diet plan. She's been having difficulty getting food that she likes, and at times, has refused to let me go get her something else to eat. I think it's all a part of wanting to come home.

She did stand up, with assistance today. While she still hasn't taken steps, I keep praying the BIG prayer that this will be the week God miraculously restores her legs, and she dances like Molly Spotted Elk.

A very special friend sent a wonderful, heavily stocked care package to Barbara and she was thrilled. She said it was like having Christmas, which she doesn't really remember. She did tell me that after she comes home, she wants to have a big Thanksgiving dinner, since she missed that as well. She becomes quite emotional when she hears all the things she missed, and all the things she's been through. I thought to tell her today that we had gotten a birthday gift for her mom, and took her out to dinner, and she cried. I'll never forget that day, though, because that was the day that the heart doctor announced that he didn't expect her heart to beat much longer, and that we should consider whether or not to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate).

It's truly amazing how God has healed her. Please join us in praying that our Father will continue to move in unexpected ways.

Pray that her spirits will stay up.

Pray that the food will get better.

Pray that insurance/financial issues will resolve well.

Incidentally, we're very excited that there is a new Medicaid program that will give her a lot of help without touching my income (traditionally, they would have taken everything of value we have and forced us to live on a sub-minimal amount). This looks promising, and could be VERY VERY good news. Pray that the right thing will happen.

Please also keep our finances in your prayers.

April 9

Sorry for the lack of updates lately - Holy Week can be quite hectic anyway for a pastor - but with everything going on concerning Barbara's care, this past week has been especially busy. I should tell you first of all that as of last Saturday, Barbara has been returned to Miller's Merry Manor in Hobart.

I can't say enough about the wonderful team of doctors who took care of Barbara at St. Mary's. The kidney infection has been resolved. Plus, they discovered the cause of her inability to eat and subsequent severe malnutrition. Her adrenal glands are not functioning at all, so she will be forced to remain on prednisone to make up for this. This is a bad news/good news thing since the prednisone, while helping her, will also continue to damage her body. They also determined that there was a thyroid issue that is being treated through meds. The wound on the back of her head from the pressure sore and debridement is nearly closed now, and hair has begun to grow back. Plus, as I think I mentioned before, they had been getting Barbara up on her feet some (while being supported on both sides), although she still hasn't taken any steps.

I must also commend the nursing and support staff at St. Mary's for the good work they did. And I must say that the rooms in the new wing of the hospital are really nice!

I'm not sure how profitable it would be for me to go into my tirade about the fact that insurance companies now dictate care, and that doctors have little say. But the doctors believed that it would be essential to her progress to receive more intensive physical therapy before returning to the nursing home. However, insurance refused it. Does that mean we have bad insurance? I suspect that the truth is that this is the way all insurance providers behave. You could have the best policies available and still encounter nightmares with unconcerned and uncaring people who make care decisions. Insurance is NOT about caring for people, it's about profit and profit alone. Medicare is NOT about caring for people, but about numbers and numbers alone. Someone jokingly asked me if I would be in favor of a national healthcare program. I laughed and assured him that my experiences prove that the government can thoroughly screw up any good thing they handle. I'm not sure which is worse - the government's inept inability to provide insurance (such as our experience with Medicare), or the uncaring incompetence at other providers. It's a good thing that I decided to speak softly about how I think concerning this issue!

Well, the good news is that Barbara is doing very well outside of her dire need for intensive physical therapy. The aids and nurses at Miller's couldn't believe how good she looks now. She did lose another 10 pounds while in the hospital, and has lost at least 40 pounds altogether. There are some wonderful Christian aids who really love Barbara and they were praising Jesus for her improved condition.

I am terrified at prospect of how we'll survive getting her to Jackie's wedding at the end of next month, but we are resolved and determined to make it work one way or the other. I'm also thankful that we've already had a volunteer offering medical help for the trip if needed. We are blessed with such wonderful friends here!

Here's how to pray at this point in time... Pray that Barbara will continue to eat well and that she will get food that she likes,

Pray that Miller's physical therapy team will be inspired to get Barbara on her feet,

Pray that God will miraculously cause Barbara to walk THIS WEEK,

Pray that there will be no other setbacks.

Oh, and pray for our emotional needs as well. Barbara continues to be in tears over the callousness of the insurance companies to her needs, as well as prospects for her state at the time of the wedding. I myself have had a real emotional struggle of late. I've had a deep sense of despair and loneliness set in despite my faith and hope and relationship in Christ. Don't know how to explain this one. It's just the reality of the situation, I guess. I fully see how our Father in Heaven is also our Father here and now. It's a weird paradox, but perhaps those of you who've gone through similar crisis can relate. Thanks again for your prayers!

April 2

I've been wanting to let you know how well Barbara is progressing, but alas, it has been a busy couple of days. We can't say enough good things about the doctors who've been attending to Barbara's health needs. They have now determined that her adrenal glands aren't working at all, and that she will need to remain on prednisone (likely, for life). While that's not exactly what we wanted to hear, it is sure better than some of the alternative things that could have been wrong. If you want the whole medical explanation, give me a call. Otherwise, suffice it to say that she is improving daily, and is eating better every day. This won't be a quick thing to resolve, but she is on the right path. Her malnutrition is quite serious, but at least she's holding down the feedings being delivered directly to her stomach. She has been craving foods once again (an answer to prayer!), and last night she ate a half a piece of deep dish pizza that I picked up at a local place.

Have I mentioned that she is no longer on oxygen? Not that she has quit breathing (I know what you smart alecks out there were thinking), but rather she doesn't have that wonderful little tube wrapped around her head delivering extra oxygen. She is also making various other improvements that are paving the way to coming home.

They are hoping to find a way to keep her at St. Mary's for a little longer to give some intensive rehab that will better facilitate recovery. In that we are in the cruel hands of Medicare on that decision, I'm not holding my breath. Either way, look for her to return to Miller's Merry Manor nursing facility soon. I should tell you, though, that they actually had her on her feet TWICE today!!!! It was with assist, of course, but she said it felt really great.

So, please join us in praying that it will work out for her to stay and get more intensive therapy for a little while,

Pray that she will eat more and more everyday,

And join me in praying BIG - I'm praying that she will walk on her own THIS WEEK. That would be huge, but God had done it even more quickly before, so I think I'm cutting Him some slack! Seriously, if He will, He can.

Blessed Easter, everyone!

March 29 - In Like A Lion, Out Like A Lion

My time of spiritual retreat with my fellow pastors was extraordinarily wonderful. I am blessed with a group of men and women that are more than colleagues, but are family. They are precious to me in ways that can't be understood outside of experience itself. To those of you who offered words of encouragement, concern, and love, I give my love and thanks. To those who simply supported with presence, I also give my love and gratitude.

You may notice that thanks to a request, I have now included information concerning the history of Barbara's present state in the column to your right. Unless of course you're viewing this from behind the computer screen, in which case you have much bigger problems that I can help you with at this time.

Barbara has undergone a battery of tests and pokes and prods to resolve this long standing issue of a stagnant, non-working stomach. I am extremely pleased with the team of doctors on her case, and am once again overwhelmed at how God's is supplying!!! For those of you who have ultimate faith in science, Barbara's present condition proves the fallibility of that reliance. I'm not anti-science, rather, I believe it works fully in balance with God's other gifts because all good things are of God. Science cannot answer the question as to why Barbara is suffering as she is at this time, so now it comes down to educated guesses, puzzle solving, and simple compassion. These are not things you can answer with computer-like intellect, they take God's gift of heart. The good news/bad news has been that while tests haven't shown anything major to be wrong, they still don't define the problem. So, at this time, they are addressing her adrenal system as well as the communication path between her brain and digestive system. It's actually quite complicated, but perhaps my over-simplified explanation will at least give you a rudimentary understanding. Oh - and yes, the kidney infection continues, but is being treated. We'll know more about that in the days to come.

She continues to be at St. Mary's in Hobart, and will be so for an indeterminate period of time. She is in the new wing of the hospital, and the rooms there are quite beautiful. This is really a lovely hospital. I believe that the staff issues alluded to earlier have been resolved.

Please pray that doctors will crack the code and solve Barbara's eating-digesting-throwing-up-nausea-lack0of-appetite issues once and for all.

Some have remarked about some quality of my life that has seemed to sustain me where others might break down. I don't know if I said that very well, but I must confess that I feel quite weak in my strength. It is all the power of God available to all of us. I wish that I had been a better lay person in my years before the pastorate. I apologize to all my previous pastors that while I heard the Word, I didn't live it as I should have. I'm still developing in this, but I have gained a truer perspective on what it means to be a part of a "church" (not a building, but rather, God's people), and a part of a community. I am but a poor example of what God can do in man, but if anything I do is remarkable, it is not me. It is the face of God that shines through when we allow it to. I shudder to think of the difference we could make in this world if we all allowed God to possess not just our hearts, but our minds, our ambitions, our dreams, our visions, and our lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the church today... but there is something deadly wrong with the people. God's church is alive - but we have paralyzed parts of the body by failing to allow God to bring us to life with His resurrection power.

Once there was a little girl. She danced merrily through life changing lives with her mesmerizing smile. One day, this little girl stumbled and fell. For months she couldn't walk or talk, and doctors couldn't figure out why. But then, one day, the girl began to regain her smile. She began to remember why she loved life, and began to remember how her body was supposed to work. Over time, she remembered how her hands loved to create beautiful blankets, and she began to create. Over time, she remembered how she loved to dance, and she began to dance. It was then that she realized that it wasn't that she couldn't move; rather, she had forgotten how it felt to do so. The power wasn't in her to heal; it was within God. She had simply lost the picture of God in her heart. Once she regained it, she regained life. And she lived.

(Thank you, Michael Kelly Blanchard.)

March 27

Hello everyone... I am back from the Pastor/Spouse retreat (going solo, lonely and quite introspective). There are many things to tell about Barbara, and a very good question from the last entry's comments. However, I am quite exhausted, and need to beg a reprieve for one more day.

Just a quick note, though. Barbara continues to undergo tests of various and sundry kinds to help figure out what's going on with her. Quickly, I might also tell you her pressure wound is healing at an incredible pace... the opening is now merely the size of a pencil eraser!!! PRAISE GOD! He is faithful on rainy days, He is faithful on sunny days... praise Him in all things the same.

One other great area of concern is that Barbara is very malnourished. I will write more tomorrow, I hope! Thanks for your BIG prayers.

March 24 - Who's Crying Now?

Guess my stomach was jealous of Barbara's, so I've spent time being sick. I'm hoping that this all clears by time to leave for the retreat. Please keep me in your prayers on this.

For the most part, I'm pleased with the care Barbara is getting at St. Mary's. Unfortunately, last night she had a couple aids who were very hateful towards her, complaining every time Barbara called them. It's not like Barbara asked to be in this position. We will definitely deal with this situation.

Otherwise, she has had some outstanding nurses.

The room she is in is really deluxe, too. The new section at St. Mary's has some really nice rooms.

Please pray that Barbara's kidney infection will heal, and that the stomach issues will be resolved soon.

Thankfully, I'm feeling better tonight, but I have a knockdown headache.

March 22 - The World Tour Continues

We continue our fabulous world tour of all the hospitals of Northwest Indiana.

After several days of doing better, Barbara starting "getting sick" again this morning. Throughout the day she'd been running a fever. Finally the decision was made to take her to the hospital.

We made our way to the emergency room of St. Mary's Hospital in Hobart. If you're keeping score at home, this makes care facility #5. Not a match, the board goes back.

They determined that she has a very bad kidney infection, and she's dehydrated (no big surprise there). So, she has been admitted and will probably be there for at least a few days. Hopefully we can get this stomach issue resolved once and for all. This has been one of the biggest unsolved mysteries since Barbara began recovering. It's hard telling how long she had this infection, but they say it would explain the puking.

It's been a big ol long ol day, and daddy's tired. Just remember to pray that this kidney infection will clear quickly.

March 21

Good health care makes a difference. Big prayers make an even bigger difference. Early on in this thing, I challenged you and all the folks at GFM to pray BIG prayers. Please continue to pray these prayers for us, because we've seen answers that have truly inspired us.

Barbara continues to link days together without, uh, yawning in Technicolor. She has yet to begin trying to eat again, but she is drinking water. Good health care. Big prayers.

She continues to crochet, and has become much more optimistic. Her smile is back as well. Yesterday we were surprised by a visit from her Aunt Ruby and Uncle John (her mom's sister and brother).

Tomorrow afternoon we'll have a care plan meeting to figure out how things will progress in the days ahead, and to set up plans for returning home.

I will be attending the upcoming pastor/spouse retreat, and Barbara really wishes she could go. But she agrees that this retreat will be good for me spiritually and emotionally as I prepare for the difficult job of home care in the weeks ahead. Her mom will be house sitting and keeping an eye on Barbara for me.